When Tracy threw the clothes on the ground in dissatisfaction and used fuck to humiliate her, the embarrassment and anger summoned all the sealed memories back. I think, I don't hate or complain, because I can't make up for the scarred heart, let alone that is the person I love the most. It's just that Tracy took the scissors and cut it without hesitation. At that moment, I felt that the feeling of heartbreak spread to my internal organs again, and the sadness surged toward me like ocean waves and drowned me. I remembered that once I was at home alone, my sense of despair covered all my emotions, and tremblingly picked up the scissors. I think that time, I really wanted to end my life, but the scissors were only on my wrist. A scratch was cut on the top, and in the end I still didn't have the courage, even the courage to end, I thought the only way out was actually impossible. After that, my mother also talked to me many times. She should be able to see my hidden sadness, but she couldn't really understand it, and I couldn't tell it. After disappointment again and again, I hid in the house secretly crying, lamenting the unfairness of this world and the deprivation of me. My mother tried to appease me. I remember telling her that I feel that life is meaningless. I feel that there is no hope for life, only despair. Until now I think of it, I regret it, how could I say such a thing, remember that my mother’s tears broke with the words I said, she said, "You are still young, why would you think so?" , Until now I can still recall the tone, expression, and tears that she didn't dry when she said this sentence. From a young age, in the eyes of others, I have been a cheerful child. Both the parents and teachers of my classmates say that I am a lively and active child. Among my peers, I am also a happy fruit for everyone. I make everyone laugh and comfort. Everyone, but the grievances, pains, hidden despair and helplessness in my heart, I never mentioned a word, until later I was growing up a little bit, at 17. When I was 18, some friends saw some articles I posted on the homepage, and they were amazed. Why do I have so much sadness? It seems that it is not the text I wrote that they know. In fact, up to now, those pains are still something I can't mention, and I want to delete them from my life, because they are related to my favorite people. As long as they can be happy, I can never talk about those pains. carry. The most important thing for a family to be together happily is that even the wounds they made in the past are still affecting me, but I would rather believe that even if it is a wound, it is a wound caused by too much love. Everyone knows, everyone is saying that motherly love and fatherly love are the greatest. However, in fact, people are trying their best to ignore a problem, that is, what can hurt you the most is the person you love the most, and the person who loves you the most. I lingered in my melancholy mood for a long time, and it seemed that I would never be able to break free, because I never exhausted the stilts, just light, shallow, surrounded by sadness. I remind myself in my heart that if I become a parent one day, I must do my best. This has nothing to do with my satisfaction or dissatisfaction with my parents, but just out of my pursuit of happiness.
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