"My mother criticized me for being too fat and made me lose weight? Why can't I ever satisfy her? What am I going to do??"
I accidentally turned to my cousin's state, and saw a series of question marks from her, I was a little stunned for a moment, as if I saw myself when I was young. She is a very good girl with excellent family conditions and top academic performance. People around her are envious and jealous of her, but I have always felt that she is unhappy, and now I finally know the crux of the matter. I would like to recommend the movie "Lady Bird" to her, and I believe that someone as smart as her will immediately understand what the answers to these questions are. The story takes place in a small town called Sacramento. Christine, a girl, attends a church school in the town. She is dissatisfied with her high school career, but because she is not yet independent, she does not have enough strength to come. Rebelling against the arrangements of family and life, she can only express her dissatisfaction to her mother through some violent behavior.
Adolescence mother-daughter relationship: love each other but must hurt each other.
The opening scene of the movie is a long series of quarrels. Suddenly, the heroine opens the car door without a word, jumps out of the high-speed car and breaks her arm, accompanied by the mother's scream. The tit-for-tat quarrel between mother and daughter revealed the main contradiction of the whole film: the heroine Kristin always wants to go to college in a first-tier city with cultural atmosphere. Everything in her hometown is full of local flavor, which is incompatible with her temperament. She has the heart of a literary youth. In the case of poor family conditions, the mother, from a practical point of view, hoped that she would go to an ordinary university near her hometown. The struggle between mother and daughter in this period brought back a lot of memories for me. My high school career was my most rebellious period, and my mother disciplined me very strictly. There are many ways to fight against her. Later, I found that the most effective way is to be myself. harm.
My parents' love for me is innate and unconditional, so the way I hurt myself is bound to make my mother miserable. Closing the door on a hunger strike is the method I use most often. Every time I quarreled with my mother, I ended up throwing off the tableware and closing the door. When I slammed the door shut, I could hear my mother shouting: "If you don't eat, don't eat, and don't eat if you starve." When I heard her say this, I became even more angry. I hid my head under the quilt and cried, feeling wronged inside. To the extreme, no one complained. When I was hungry in the middle of the night, when my chest was against my back, I overcame my dignity and crept into the kitchen to find something to eat. I always found that my mother had left me a bowl of rice. Hurting you with your love is a common tactic used by teenage girls. Obviously love each other, but must hurt each other. A mother is the person who knows her daughter best. When arguing, she must directly poke at each other's weaknesses. Everyone wants to gain the upper hand in a quarrel. In the movie, when the heroine imagined the colorful college life, her mother poured a bucket of cold water: "You don't even have a driver's license!" The second is still arguing, and the next second, the topic is changed because of finding a beautiful skirt. This is the common state of adolescent mother-daughter relationships, knowing that they love each other, but they still cannot stop hurting each other.
Lack of self-identity leads the heroine to desperately want to escape from the family of origin
Admiration for vanity seems to be a common problem for adolescent girls. Every girl fantasizes that she is the protagonist in the story. She should wear an extremely beautiful princess dress, ride in a luxurious pumpkin car, and dance with the prince in the eyes of everyone. envious gaze. It's a pity that you are an ordinary girl in reality, with ordinary looks, no bright figure, and ordinary family conditions. Even your name is rustic. You can't accept everything. Such a family of origin is not what you want, but there are very few things you can change. In the movie, the heroine gave herself a new name Lady Bird, which can be literally translated as "Miss Bird". The thought in her heart was self-evident: she wanted to be a bird and fly out, fly far away, and escape everything that exists. The sensitive girl is careful to maintain the decency in her heart. She doesn't let her father drive her to school, because she is afraid that her classmates will see the car at home and find that her family is poor. And her father also silently pretended not to know his daughter's thoughts and suffered damage.
In Long Yingtai's "Seeing Off" there is such a description: "After finishing my Ph.D., I went back to teach in Taiwan. On the first day of reporting to the university, my father used his cheap pickup truck to transport me for a long distance. Only then did he realize that he did not drive to the main entrance of the university, but parked at the narrow alley by the side entrance. After unloading his luggage, he climbed back into the car and was about to go back. He clearly started the engine, but rolled down the window and stuck his head out. Said: "Daughter, Dad feels sorry for you, this kind of car is really not a car for university professors. "
Every time I see this, I want to cry, because the father and daughter also have the same heart. When I was in high school, I didn't want to let my father go to the parent-teacher meeting because I thought he would make me humiliated. This kind of harm from children may be The most cruel, but Dad still smiled and agreed. The reason why the heroine lacks self-identity with herself is not only that the actual conditions are not so optimistic, but also the more important reason is that the mother's critical expectations for her always hope to see a "better you". There is a classic dialogue in the movie: the daughter asks, "You love me, but do you like me?" The mother replies: "I just want you to be the best version of yourself." "What if this is already the best version of me? "
Parents always expect us to be better, and this expectation will become a kind of pressure invisibly. You always think that you are not good enough or perfect, so you are not worthy of your parents' expectations. Maybe the parents themselves didn't realize that such expectations were choking me. In the movie, the heroine chose a pink skirt, and she wore it with joy. Mom commented that it was a bit too pink (the color is too pink)? The heroine said: "Can't you say it's not bad?" Yes, every child needs the approval of their parents, which is the source of a child's self-confidence. If the child knows what he is, the parents will still unconditionally Love them, then this kind of love will give people powerful strength, so that children can fight against this cruel world.
Mutual confirmed love is the only secret to reconciliation
The hostess who went to college in New York got her wish and read all the letters written by her mother. These letters are all about love in bits and pieces. Mom wrote and wrote, rubbed and threw it away, but she still didn't make up her mind to send the letter to her daughter. In the hearts of mothers, daughters have become better and better. Over time, as the mother gets older, she may even worry that her daughter will laugh at her grammatical errors in her letter, because that's how they always get along. After reading the letter written by her mother, the heroine's eyes filled with tears, and she murmured to herself, "I wouldn't say that to her, no." From that moment on, their relationship has been completely reconciled. In the process of living alone, the heroine understands that adult life is never easy. If it's easy for you, it's just because someone is carrying the load for you. The mother propped up the family alone, and in the face of the pressure of the cruel world, her temper naturally became irritable. Wasn't she a girl full of dreams when she was young? But after becoming a mother, she could only grit her teeth to fight. Fortunately, the daughter has grown up and she understands her mother. The relationship between a daughter and a mother has always been very complicated. A mother sees her youthful appearance in her daughter, and she inevitably compares her own aging. And the daughter saw her mother's middle-aged embarrassed appearance, but she was unwilling to accept that she would have such a fate in the future. But in love, there is no doubt about the truth. This is a film about the growth of adolescence. During this period, she encountered love, lost herself, and regained the lost friendship. After countless laughter and tears, Christine became independent and mature. There was only her ignorant girl, who became an understanding adult. Every girl can find her own shadow in this film. She reconciled with herself and her family of origin. Now she has the unconditional love that has been confirmed by each other. This will become her wings and help her fly higher and higher, but she will not forget to look back~
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