Last night, I watched Akutagawa's "Shadow". The novel was a little gloomy, which caused nervousness in the middle of the night. In addition, "Ode to the Pear Flower" kept looping in my head, causing insomnia. The nerves in the brain were messed up, and many clues overlapped without knowing it, so this morning, lying on the bed, I unknowingly experienced Lee's psychological and mental state in my mind. I've always felt that he was an irresponsible person who lost a child through his own fault, so remorseful and self-punished, and lived like a walking dead. Just when he was reminiscing about the scene where he drew a gun and tried to commit suicide, it was Teacher Song's face that suddenly struck like lightning.
Since the tragedy of 14 years, I have covered it up deep in my heart. In my heart, she has never left. She is still warm and strict, telling us about Li Guang, Lu Xun, and the West Chamber... …I couldn’t even go to her funeral at that time. In my heart, her image was so lofty. I was afraid to see her leaving. She was no different from countless ordinary and humble people, and even more miserable. In the dark, she concealed her departure in her heart. But the Lee in the movie is very similar to her experience, and the intention and emotional world of Pear Flower Ode made me think of the West Wing without realizing it, and then I thought of the Chinese class in the second year of high school: the get out of class was over, and the math teacher came in impatiently, She was still telling us about Zhang Sheng and Cui Yingying... So in a lucid flash of lightning, I realized how much remorse, remorse, and despair the scene of her end of life contained. She chose suicide almost without hesitation, like Lee drew a gun, and she succeeded.
Someone told me what happened. Her son happened to be in the summer vacation of his second year of high school. She might have made a mistake in his studies that day. Hanged.
When we were in high school, her son was in elementary school and wore thick glasses. Listening to Teacher Song, her son has to do his homework every night at eleven or twelve. She thinks it's incredible. She said that you shouldn't have so much homework when you were young, and then complained that education is too tight now, and there is no room for children, she said. The students who used to teach in the Northeast were all playing big. At that time, Mr. Song went to bed at 0:00 and got up at 5:00 every day. He corrected our homework at night, made breakfast for the children in the morning, and did not eat in the cafeteria every day at noon, but went back to cook for the children. She's really passionate about her work and she's great. Every time she mentions her son, although she does not express her love directly, she can feel her love for her child. Therefore, although I don't know his growth experience, we can guess that this child is full of pressure during the growth process, mainly due to the school environment, and his mother is also very demanding.
It is recognized that Teacher Song's criticism is very lethal, and many people can't resist it. I, my tablemate, and the song all burst into tears when she said it. She can catch the point that makes you most uncomfortable, and then hit the nail on the head without mercy. But we can all feel the anxiety in her criticism. She is genuinely worried about you, so the criticism, though harsh, is useful. There are also some people who are very resistant to her criticism, hostile to her, and confront her in class, and then Teacher Song will suspend the class to cause panic among the other party. There is also a special classmate who used to be very good. When I first arrived in this class, I thought she was quite normal, but in the end she dropped out of school because of schizophrenia. She is relatively fragile and has poor endurance. Every time she hears criticism, she feels that she is being satirized and humiliated. I think the environment in this class is very poor, which has had a certain impact on her. Teacher Song's education method may not be suitable for her. All this has a lot to do with her childhood circumstances, so I won't go into details. All in all, Mr. Song's education method may be a bit extreme and not suitable for everyone. As a Chinese teacher, she speaks very well in class, and the text lives in her mouth. The people in our class still like her very much. The class where she was the head teacher, that is, the class where Ge was in, was very unwelcome to him. According to the song, the former head teacher in the first and second grades was very accommodating to the students in this class. In the third year of high school, Mr. Song was very strict, causing public resentment, and everyone missed the former head teacher. I only mentioned the severity of her criticism here, and I haven't mentioned the use of her political methods. Fortunately, our class does not use enough, and it is difficult for people who are not mentally strong enough to bear it. Just one example. She was just assigned to this class in the second year of high school. She once recited Li Mi's petition. Her method was to find five or six people, each of whom would memorize a few paragraphs. all over. At that time, I was drawn, and I recited it. If someone didn't recite it later, she punished us to copy all the texts three times. At the time, I didn’t understand the continuous sitting system, and I thought, I have already memorized it, so I don’t need to copy it. I didn't copy it, and left it behind. During the sports meeting, I participated in the sprint, and she also praised that I looked calm and quiet, but I didn't expect to run so strong, so I thought it was over. As a result, after a period of time, she had finished studying that book, and when she learned Tang poetry and Song Ci, she chose to read the book, and she began to implement a system. Before class every day, she randomly selected a few people to memorize any poem in the textbook. She got me on the first day, but she asked me to sit down, put out the fact that I didn't copy the text last time, and said that XXX was treated specially and I didn't need to participate in this activity. I don't remember how I felt at the time, but I could feel aggrieved or anxious, but it wasn't particularly tangled, because it was not long after I was divided into classes, and I was reluctant to let go of my former classmates. I copied the text and gave it to her. She happily explained to me that the system is to make other people who didn't memorize it feel ashamed and feel ashamed, and then endorse it well. Although I don't think her method is very effective, because lazy people are lazy, they will not endorse well because they are involved with others, and at that time, those classmates were all selfish and didn't know how to think about others. feel. But I still expressed my approval of her method, and she never stumbled me again after that. It was strange at the time, I was drawn to ancient poetry every day, but fortunately, I was always the one who recited well. I felt that if I had been a little stubborn and fought against her, I might not have any good results in the next two years. She has 10,000 ways to make you feel uncomfortable. She is loud and stubborn. She is still the upper class. She can't deal with her and can only satisfy her. Listening to the song, she said that she was very satisfied with me, and she often praised me in that class, although I never heard it. Criticized in front of others, praised by others, this is her arrogance! The classmate who dropped out of school was often ridiculed by her face to face, but she told us that it was a pity that she felt that the child was very talented.
I can't imagine whether Teacher Song, who is a mother, is also so strict and harsh, so he left the psychological trauma and heavy burden of inferiority in the hearts of the children, which led to the catastrophe in the future. When Teacher Song passed away, I reflected for a long time, as a strong woman in society, what role should I play in life. According to my observation, all families expect a virtuous and considerate wife and a tender and delicate mother. A woman who is too strong is not welcome in the family, a pressure on her husband and a burden on her children. Unless the husband is equally good in all aspects of mind, intelligence, and ability, the child is gifted and intelligent and properly guided. Therefore, when a woman with a strong personality wants to form a family, it is really difficult to choose a partner. At the moment, the status of women is actually very embarrassing. Although he has won some independence economically, unlike the previous society, which is completely dependent on men, so at home to fathers, to husbands to go out, and to sons when they are old, they naturally obey each other. Some women with a certain degree of education have been able to earn money to support themselves independently. But women have not yet been fully independent emotionally, at least most people still need companionship and marriage (this is not just a women's problem, most people do). Although the slogan of feminism is getting louder and louder, the current society is still very perverted, and the old and the new coexist. Those independent women who shout long live freedom still have to consider each other's net worth when looking for a golden tortoise-in-law, but the income difference between peers with the same education and experience is not big. attention and responsibility. Therefore, women who are increasingly demanding are facing greater difficulties in finding suitable partners, and the society puts more pressure on men. Just taking the matter of buying a house, men of the same age around them seem to think that this is a problem that men should consider. In a big city like Shanghai, women also acquiesce that their marriage partner should have the ability to buy a house. This is not a problem that a woman can solve. So, this is really the era of fighting fathers. But even people with a worry-free family have to consider other practical issues, such as the balance between career and family, understanding and communication, supporting themselves, educating their children (being a baby)... Sometimes You see a colleague who is irresponsible at work and does a poor job (you want to beat him to death), and may be a very kind father (mother) in life. You see a person who is efficient, resolute, and has good performance. He may not be able to communicate effectively with his partner in life, and his heart is lonely and his family is a mess. A person with pursuit needs to keep improving in his career, and he must be lacking in other aspects. A person who thinks about others at all times may take care of you, but does he have the kind of ability and talent that you admire. This gives women difficult choices. In fact, there may not be so many choices, and it may be difficult to encounter even a heartbeat.
Seems to be off topic... continue. I saw a saying before that family misfortune is the greatest misfortune. Although the traditional family is dying out, we first acquiesce that it is the smallest unit in this society and a harbor for one person. Family is the first person we need to protect. Once the family is divided and broken due to our negligence, our life will also become fragmented. Living this short life well is not as easy as you think. There are a lot of compromises in the family and it takes too much wisdom. Obviously, we were busy with our studies before we became adults, and we didn't think about this issue in depth, and even love was ignorant. I've always felt that it's difficult for women to have both family success and career success. Therefore, the division of labor between men and women in the family is more of a science. Moreover, I personally think that the pursuit of success and the pursuit of pure things are contradictory. If you are lucky enough to choose the right person, your family will be successful, your career will be successful, but you will not be able to pursue the ultimate, as you can see from many "genius" artists and scientists. , the misfortunes in life fulfilled their "great luck" in art and science. There are also really lucky people who have someone in their family who guards them, undertakes everything in their lives, and fulfills their "extreme".
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