This article originated from the public account "Five Kilometers", author Claire
who I am? One of the three ultimate questions of life. The question of the soul raised by philosophers a thousand years ago still confuses many people today, so that from time to time various means are used to "find the self".
Regarding the questions of "self", the movie "8 Miles" may provide us with a reference answer.
"8 Mile" is an autobiographical film based on the real experience of the famous American rapper Eminem, which was released in late 2002. The film has won several prestigious awards, including an Oscar for Best Original Song, and one of the songwriters also starred Eminem.
1. Confused, confused ego — low self-esteem
B-Rabbit (that is, Eminem in the movie, referred to as Generation B in this article) lives in the black ghetto of Detroit, without a father, a mother who gambles, no serious job, and rents a trailer with his sister, relying on the collar Live on government relief.
He has not received a good education, and every word is inseparable from the scolding of the United States. (This film is an R-rated film, not suitable for children)
As the bottom labor force in the factory, you can only have enough food and clothing.
Because he broke up with his girlfriend and had nowhere to live, he had to go back to the trailer, only to find that his mother got together with his former classmate...
Growing up and living in such an environment, it is difficult for a person to know who he is.
Self-knowledge is also uncertain, confused and confused.
Self, also known as self-awareness or self-concept, mainly refers to an individual's cognition of his own existence state and is the result of an individual's self-evaluation of his social role.
An important dimension of self-knowledge is self-esteem. Without clear self-knowledge, confusion and confusion about self-knowledge and self-identity are the characteristics of low self-esteem.
Low Self-Esteem: Often sees himself as a failure, often feels useless, inferior, and generally dissatisfied with himself. High self-esteem: Self-esteem is very high, thinks that he has many aspects to be proud of, and is satisfied with the characteristics and overall performance of interest.
I believe that B often feels useless and dissatisfied with himself. For example, at the beginning of the movie, he was so nervous before the rap competition that he vomited, didn't say a word on stage, was coaxed off the stage by the audience, and had to go back to the trailer to live with his mother... although he didn't say it.
But one day he expressed that feeling. On the morning shift, a friend drove him to the factory. The car was parked at the door of the work, and B leaned weakly on the seat and raised his head. Did not get off immediately.
He said to his friend, Hey, have you ever felt that way? That is, fuck it. You want to live at this height, but you can only live at such a low place.
2. Denial, impulsive, nothing to say — low self-complexity
B is often late, and the supervisor said, man, why are you late again.
It wasn't my fault, he replied, it was the car that broke down.
The supervisor said, it's never your fault, don't say it, I don't want to hear it.
The girlfriend said that she was pregnant, and B left without saying a word after hearing this, which was considered a breakup. The girlfriend went to the factory to question him, why did you leave without saying anything? He said, didn't I give you the car? (He can't afford to get pregnant and have kids, and giving the car away makes him feel better, I'm not that ruthless.)
Resentment is a feature of rap. People living at the bottom vent their emotions that they have nowhere to resolve by resenting others. The rap competition in the movie is when two people use Rap to fight each other. If he loses, he loses, but when he told others that he became dumb in the game, he directly started, causing a melee between two small groups, and a second-lunger friend accidentally injured himself.
Everyone wants to be valuable and strives to see themselves in the best light. Any failure poses a threat to an individual's overall self-worth.
B is prone to impulsiveness and denial, and cannot tolerate others saying that he is not good at all. The reason is that his self is unclear and too simple.
As shown in the figure below, each circle represents a social role, and each social role has different characteristics, which constitute the self. B doesn't know who he is, and is even less aware of his own qualities, so no matter what other people say badly, it will threaten his ego. So he will be defensive and counterattack.
So what is a clear, complex self? As shown below. Each social role is independent, the characteristics of each role are clear, and each trait has positive and negative aspects, as shown in red in the figure below. Such an ego is not easily affected by great shocks.
As a worker, I was late and scolded by supervisors, which threatened ego and made me feel bad. But as other traits of workers, the positive traits of conscientiousness and ability to work mitigate the threat to the ego. Even in the event of being fired, such a great threat to the ego happens, that other independent characters will mitigate the threat. I'm not a good worker, but I have many other qualities, I'm a rapper, I'm very talented.
When people experience negative events that challenge the ego, the complexity of the ego determines how its negative emotions spill over from one aspect to other aspects of the ego. If the complexity of the ego is low, and all aspects of the ego are highly interconnected, failure in one area can make a person feel incompetent in all others.
If a person is a housewife, and other characters include daughters, wives, and mothers, replace the "unclear" in the simple self in the picture above with "children", then once the child has any bad things, he fails the test or gets sick. If she accidentally falls, it will pose a great threat to the housewife's self. Not teaching and taking good care of children not only means that she is not a good mother, but also means that she is an incompetent wife and a bad daughter.
3. Avoidance—Strategies for Low Self-Esteem
The B in the film has been running away.
His girlfriend told him that she was pregnant, and he left without saying anything.
He is escaping from the self who may become a father but is unable to raise his children, unable to face the incompetent self. Threats to the ego to avoid what has not happened.
In real life, the prototype Eminem once sat crying on the steps outside the house because he had no money to buy diapers for his newborn daughter.
The most obvious escape, after the first rap contest, escaped the contest again. I don't want to face a situation where I might be compared by my opponent again.
Strategies for maintaining self-worth are different, and people with high self-esteem are more willing to take risks for self-improvement. If the competition fails, people with high self-esteem will have a strong desire to play the next competition, hoping to succeed next time. People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, are unable to recover and improve their self-worth after failure, and they try to avoid dangerous situations that make them seem inferior to others.
B's black friend, who hosts a rap contest at the club. Because I saw B's talent and believed that his piece of gold could shine, I encouraged him to compete again and again.
For the first time, a friend encouraged B. But B thinks rap is only for black people, he said, I'm not you. Friends say it doesn't matter what skin color you are as long as you hear your songs.
The second time, a friend persuaded him, he said you don't force me, I will not go.
The third time, when he heard that a friend had signed him up for the next game, he went into a frenzy. Tell your friends, you are not my mother and father, I am an adult...
4. Gradually clear self - growth
B loves rap and works hard for it.
On the bus, at home... Lyrics are densely written on paper, and in the factory, I practice Rap in a loud environment...
Friends always think he is talented and keep encouraging; the free rap next to the factory breakfast cart has won plaudits from others; friends who are agents are optimistic about him and want to help him record demos for free; new girlfriend keeps saying, I believe you Row......
All of this made his self (loving rap, talented, hardworking) gradually became clearer.
Friends gather together, "imagining" the future, we want to build a music studio, we have a good car, we have a beautiful girl...
At this time, B said, shut up, we haven't done anything meaningful, we still have nothing, and we are still at home with our mother.
After the self gradually becomes clear, B can also see the reality clearly and face the not-so-good self.
Before that, he kept saying that it wasn't my fault for being late; he didn't want anyone to know or even mention that he was living in a trailer with his mother. It's unacceptable to feel bad about yourself.
5. Strong Self
B ended up on stage and made it to the final.
Before the final, friends asked him offstage, are you worried about what they say?
B asks, what do you mean?
Friends say that they all know about you, you were green, beaten...
After listening to it, what did B do in the final?
He ripped himself all over in the rap first, my mom and I lived in the trailer, I was greened, one of my friends was like Uncle Sam, the other was stupid enough to shoot himself... I'm a white trash ...Didn't you mean to say this? I'll say it first as a courtesy.
Then slap each other again, don't comment on me casually, idiot, you don't know what I've been through...
In the end, the opponent was speechless, and B won the game.
"Self" is an amazing thing. When you know who you are, people and things that are not related to the self, or are no longer important to the self, do not hurt yourself.
B considers himself a gifted rap lover (clear reality self), and he is constantly striving to become a real rapper (ideal self). And living in a trailer, friend 2B, being green... These have nothing to do with his rap career.
Knowing this, B won't care about other people knowing about his shitty things, so he thoroughly scolded himself in Rap.
What does it have to do with his ego, rap.
After the game, outside the club, my friends went crazy with joy, saying that we were successful and that we would get the contract right away. Where are we going now?
B said very calmly at this time, I want to go back to work.
The ecstasy of my friend is in stark contrast to B's calm, and it is also a contrast to my own past.
For individuals with high self-complexity, where the self has achieved great success in one area, other unaffected aspects of the self will remain normal. On the other hand, people with low self-complexity are more likely to have large emotional fluctuations, feel more gloomy when faced with setbacks, and have a greater sense of happiness when faced with success.
One of my friends said, now that everyone knows who you are, you can host with me.
Hosting a rap contest is a lot better than working in a factory. But B still calmly refused.
He said, that's your job, man. I just want to do my own thing, you understand?
The past is no longer a shackle (no one knows what I've been through, and being able to survive is a victory.); know who I am (actual self), who I want to be (ideal self), and work towards it (action). ), gradually complicating the self (see picture, complex self).
If so, we will eventually live out a strong self.
To sum up a line from another movie "Do what you love, fuck the rest."
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