Seventeen-year-old high school girl Hannah recorded several tapes before committing suicide, explaining the reasons for her suicide. After her death, this box of tapes was sent to a few people who had a close relationship with her during the short months of her transfer life. The home of her classmates, or to be more precise, the homes of thirteen people who made her decide to commit suicide. Clay, the male protagonist, as the first person to receive the package, who once had a crush on the female protagonist, did not choose to listen to the recording directly to him. Instead, he listened to the conversations that Hanna gave to everyone, and we followed her. The voice of the heroine and the perspective of the male protagonist, along with the montage of constantly switching between reality and memory, review the experience of the female protagonist before her death, and then face all the changes around Hannah after her death.
Sometimes, when I watch dramas or novels, I especially like to do it all in one go. It’s quite common to watch a novel or a season or two of American dramas all night. But watching 13reasonswhy is a suffocating experience, especially for someone with strong empathy.
Hannah's death was overwhelmed by events that piled up little by little, and her suicide was like the butterfly that whipped up the storm, setting off a wave of silence. Running through the whole play is the line from different people: "As long as one of us made a different decision at the time, she might not die." Onions, peeling off transparent and thin slices one by one, stinging people's eyes.
Every time the scene changes between cold and warm colors in the play, the scene changes in front of you, and every scene change reminds us that the owner of the voice that is whispering in our ears is no longer there, no matter what. What happens after that is an unchangeable fact.
The topic of bullying doesn't seem to be taken seriously until high school, when it develops into violence and sexual assault, and often not. In China, it was only in the past five or six years that it slowly came to the stage and became an argument. Earlier, I knew this vague concept from Japanese movies, animation and American dramas.
For a while, watching a story about bullying in high schools and colleges in the United States felt unbelievable and felt very distant. In recent years, I came out and met some peers who grew up in completely different environments, only to realize that I was too naive. Later, when I thought back slowly, I realized that I had experienced a lot, but I was withdrawn, forced to have a few friends, and lived ignorantly in my own world. I don't have this self-consciousness.
After the thirteen episodes of the first season, there is a production side story, which tells the shooting process and intention of the whole drama. As they say, each of us can find our mark in this film, either as a bully, as a victim, or as most of us, as a silent spectator.
Among the thirteen people who received the tapes, there are extremely evil people, and more are actually selfish ordinary people. It is normal for everyone to be more concerned about the facts that are closely related to them. Most of the girls did not take that step because of family, because of face, because of love, because of other people's comments, etc.
"Some of them care, but none of them care enough."
Of course, in fact, I think this sentence should be added to her own. She can't be blamed for not being a victim of guilt, but after all, the protagonists of this story are a group of minors who think they know nothing when they grow up, but dare to do everything. The sensitive and fragile emotions of teenagers and girls are like balloons floating high above the mountain fire, which may easily explode at any time. But "Thirteen Reasons Why" is more restrained, so that it looks more depressed.
It may be even more ironic that when I clicked on the comment area, I saw a lot of expositions on campus bullies who had suffered from cold and violent to sexual assaults. I also saw many people who said that European and American children are girls who have too much work. It's just the spit of the weak chicken, the two kinds of comments are mixed, but it is extraordinarily true.
Growing up, everyone knew what counselor Mr. Porter said to hannah. Yes, someone commits suicide by their own choice, we are not good enough but there is nothing we can do, no one is perfect blablabla
But still, there is still a sense of self-blame. The most profound impression may be traced back to elementary school. Maybe because I still had the habit of writing diaries at that time, I still have several diaries full of writing at home. The things written in them seem to be normal, but they still evoke more memories that were deliberately hidden.
It stands to reason that the period of primary school and middle school is the period when a child likes to celebrate his birthday the most, but I dare not mention my birthday in the class for at least two or three years.
I don't know if it started in the first or second grade or a little later. There is a tall, thin, black and black girl in the class, who looks precocious. The family situation is really bad. It may be that she entered school late for several years. Her academic performance is not good. She rarely speaks. Besides, her height and appearance are slightly different from those of the little dwarfs who were almost white and tender at that time. I didn't have time to make friends, and I was already hostile.
The malice of the child is very direct. I don't know when it started, led by the boys, and she has a new nickname, the evil god. How the whole thing fermented has long been forgotten, but soon everyone had an inexplicable hostility towards her. In the worst period, the classmates would throw paper balls at her face in class, paint her desk, and overturn her. chair, and threw the books in her drawer in the trash.
The teacher has punished and scolded, but it doesn't seem to be of much use.
At that time, whoever stood with her would become an alien. Therefore, everyone tried their best to avoid touching and talking about everything related to her. Of course, it was not just her work desk, chair, locker and clothes, but also her name and student number.
Her student number is 29.
On the 29th of every month, they say it is Evil God Day. On that day, the above-mentioned things will become even more severe. I even had the vague impression that someone in the class started booing about the result of the number 29 in math class.
And that day was my birthday, and even though it had nothing to do with me, I still can't forget the fear of that moment. Because I don't want to be hostile and don't want to be regarded as an alternative, because of this stupid and ridiculous thing, I dare not say my birthday on that day for several years.
In fact, I was so impressed because she was involved in a certain sense with me. If it wasn't my birthday, would she be uneasy now thinking about it? Back then, my biggest resentment towards her was just why you didn't let me have an upright birthday at school.
I can say that I was implicated because of this, but it was also because I chose to follow the crowd and chose to be the perpetrator.
Most of the primary school classmates have been together for several years day and night, and the peers around them want to destroy you. I really can't imagine how she spent it, and I don't know how she lived after that. In fact, I really can't remember what happened in the end. It seems that once we were dragged by the teacher to her house, an antique old house in the center of the old city.
At that time, I just sat in front of her and ignored her for a while. I had no reason to be dragged to her house to apologize, or was it because my household registration was upstairs from her house? Whether it was a few classmates or the whole class who were dragged to her house at that time, whether it really happened or whether I was overly delusional, I can't tell, probably because I was still trying to excuse myself.
Later, in the last few years of elementary school, she seemed to have changed schools and never showed up in our class again. But I know that the hostility and indifference that I inadvertently revealed at that time, perhaps to her, were not just two words that were easily carried over.
I still remember her name.
But it's too late to say that now.
Don't beg her forgiveness, but be well.
As for Thirteen Reasons Why, I only watched the first season, no matter how it goes. I still recommend this show to everyone who can see it.
I know it was guilt I was feeling
I know I feel guilty
And anger
And anger
Anger at the whole fucking world and the way it works.
Angry at the whole damn world and how it damn works
But mostly anger at myself.
But the most important thing is to be angry with yourself
For what I could have had, and never would.
that I could have done but didn't
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