I never knew "lose myself" could also be grounds for divorce.
Just like listening to the words of elders and people around me since I was a child, "marriage is to give up ideals and accept reality", "long-term love is full of compromise", "it is normal to have quarrels", "after marriage, you can't be the same as before. Family-oriented", "Marriage is mutual tolerance" and so on. Even when one party has the idea of divorce, some people will say "there is no perfect life", "just a momentary mistake", "think about the children", "life will go on"...
When I watched Charlie tell her lawyer why she wanted a divorce, what I was thinking about was, I don't believe any couple in China would get divorced on the grounds of "I feel like I'm an accessory to you" or "This is This marriage made me lose my independence and my self."
Too abstract, too ethereal, but too real.
Charlie is an actress in her prime, but she falls in love at first sight with Nicole, a talented and high-spirited stage director. Since then she gave up her career and moved from LA to New York. She gradually became an ordinary actor in the crew, watching her life gradually dim and her aura getting smaller and smaller, while her husband gradually became high-spirited and his aura became bigger and bigger. She thought that it was not the two who started a new life, but that she directly integrated into his life. She said with a bit of hatred that even the furniture in the house was chosen by her husband Nicole, and she even forgot her own. What is taste. Charlie bore him children, and even wanted to be a "good wife" and "good mother" in the worldly sense. She said that when she got a mirror of the LA TV series, if Nicole supported her own career and applauded her for breaking out of her own world, maybe the days would go on, but Nicole didn't, he was as usual Selfishly and arrogantly mocked her dream.
The next two-thirds of the film is devoted to the wonderful divorce showdown between the two, but I insist that the scene where Charlie speaks to his lawyer about the reasons for his divorce is the real essence.
It's too easy for people to lose themselves, especially women. Not to mention how many people are unwilling to be an accessory to their partner, it is probably not easy to realize what they "want". The world can always easily obliterate our character. Marriage is not easy, precisely because it is difficult to balance family life with individual independence. If the marriage is unhappy, it may be okay to say, the most afraid of a happy marriage like Charlie and Nicole, creates a comfort zone like a soft drug, directly blurring the boundaries between family needs and individual needs.
How can I know whether I remain independent and pursue my ideals, or ignore my family's selfish interests? How do you judge whether you are making certain sacrifices for the harmony of your family, or have you lost yourself in this marriage? Even if you think that you have really become an accessory to others, do you really have the courage to abandon all your feelings and life and start anew?
Although "Marriage Story" doesn't give answers to these questions, I think the greatest value of this film is that it elevates "individual needs" to a very high level. It focuses on what "you" want in the "big picture". Marriage is definitely not about my sacrifice for you or your dedication for me. Everything should be based on independent consciousness and thinking, equal status, and willingness to listen to each other's needs. Only two independent people can better form a family.
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