Although the movie is called "Marriage Story", it is also about the experience of a couple who have been married for ten years and have an eight-year-old son. , no relationship crisis, no divorce, not even a fight as emotionally intense as they were.
What attracts me is the emotional dynamic between the two people who love and hate the most, the most intimate and lonely, the most familiar and the most unfamiliar intimacy. Most of the time in the movie, the relationship between the two is decent, but the wrestling between the two runs through. They fought each other half-heartedly. In this battle, no one wants to win anything, but no one wants to lose.
Marriage aside, this emotional wrestling is universal to almost everyone who has actually experienced it, which is why this film resonates so much.
Marriage, property, especially children, are just amplifiers of this emotional struggle, making the conflict of interests between the two escalated and more difficult to cut off easily.
01. Men and women
Charlie
In this film, Nicole played by Scarlett Johansson and Charlie played by Adam Driver were nominated for Best Actor at the 92nd Academy Awards.
Scarlett is as good as ever, but the role of Charlie is none other than Adam Driver, another example of how character and actor can achieve each other (Star Wars is so dreadful, Adam's exotic looks in Star Wars look weird and half-hearted ).
Charlie's gestures are full of artist and leader charm, his hair is full of powerful talent, and there is a rare kind of clumsy boyishness of middle school boys that makes his self-narcissism seem not evil, and it is tolerant to think that it is just boyishness.
Even as a third party, I felt that Nicole had to break his heart many times before he made up his mind to give up Charlie.
Nicole commented that he "moved from Indiana to New York without giving himself a way out" and "now he is more New Yorker than any New Yorker". This sentence, I think, is the question of interpreting Charlie's personality.
I once read an article that summed up the New Yorker's flamboyant and powerful personality into three words: smart, sophisticated, and snappy. It means New York, the center of the universe, the pressure is high, and the people around don't have a fuel-efficient lamp, There are always thousands of threads coming one after another, dizzying. Therefore, New Yorkers have the street-smart agility required by the predatory world, the self-sufficient independence and shrewdness; they also have the mature self-confidence, artistic and insightful, as well as the casual but contemptuous taste bred by the extreme hybrid culture; What it takes to vent is to be concise and forceful, impatient, and without detours.
The New Yorker is a mix of the lovable and the hateful, just as New York isn't a one-size-fits-all place, it's incredibly complex and challenging, with a magical coexistence of glamour.
Nicole
There is a word California soft, which describes Californians who have lived in the sunshine all year round on the west coast for a long time.
These points are all in Nicole.
Born in an acting family, Nicole grew up in California. He is passionate, dedicated, emotional, and considerate of others. He has a spring in his heart, which is popular and warm.
Nicole said it only took two seconds to fall in love with Charlie, a typical love brain.
It's a pity that love brains often don't end well.
How long can a person get carried away, confused, and give without reservation? Nicole's answer is ten years. However, unconditional giving in the wrong direction will only make the one who is loved a little more confident.
Not only does Nicole love Charlie, she loves love itself. Only do not love yourself.
Ten years later, the spring in her heart that supports her efforts has dried up, and she will eventually face the problem that she has been escaping with love and lovers: facing herself. Why is Crush called crush? It is that when the person you love doesn't love you back, you are easily crushed like a soda can. Because the heart is empty.
In the first ten minutes of the film, after Nicole and Charlie, who had been calm and decent, said good night, one turned and hid in the darkness, and the tears that were held back suddenly fell. Just know that this is the stage after her countless heartbreaks; it is the stage where the spring water that made her heart reluctant has been dried up by indifference and a heart has been scarred; it is the stage where the relationship between the two has accumulated hard to return. .
Too much forbearance turns into resentment.
You are so good, but it has nothing to do with me.
I can't have you for a minute, but it seems like I've lost you ten thousand times.
02. The laws of thermodynamics
Space
There is a running joke in the movie that mentions "the space" many times, space. Say how good LA is, there are a lot of spaces and New York doesn't.
In fact, where the external space is spacious, people are not sensitive to space, so there is less strong demand for inner space. On the contrary, in the bustling urban jungle, everyone's living space is so small that it is too small to cross the boundary if they are not careful, so the bottom line of personal space tolerance has been measured, and it is also accustomed to erecting a wall between hearts, and the heart has a tacit understanding. Keep a distance. Charlie, the quintessential New Yorker, feels more comfortable in the concrete jungle, with her own rights and habits. If Nicole's core is soft, warm, warm, and affectionate, then his core is cold, alienating, cynical, and hard and surreal. He is self-sufficient and self-sufficient, and what he needs is not physical space, but psychological space.
This makes Nicole's infatuation with him fully established.
Because the popular and warm will always be attracted by the cold and surreal.
Just like the laws of thermodynamics, energy is always conducted from the side with the higher temperature to the side with the lower temperature, which starts immediately and happens naturally.
Hot springs and icebergs, the former needs to absorb energy to maintain warmth, so seek understanding, attention and affirmation; willing to give, but also need nourishment, needs to be needed by others.
The iceberg has no appeal, just waiting for a collision.
The world of icebergs is all about gain and loss, and most of the time it's between the two.
What happens when an iceberg meets a hot spring?
When the iceberg is big enough, the hot spring gradually cools down and eventually becomes ice cubes; when the hot spring is too hot, the iceberg disappears; when the iceberg and the hot spring are evenly matched, they disappear from each other and transform into another state.
If the human mind could function according to the laws of physics, it would be simple.
communication
"The biggest problem with communication is that people take it for granted that they have communicated." -- Bernard Shaw
Many people feel sorry for Charlie's situation after being cornered by Nicole's lawyer. But one of the things that makes me sad about this movie is if the two didn't have kids, if Nicole didn't get a lawyer, would Charlie just let it go, would he never really listen to Nicole, go do it with Nicole authentic communication.
Nicole: He just doesn't listen.
Lawyer: Call us before your spouse does.
Nicole: Now, he listens.
(The above is my ventriloquism, not the lines of this play)
The similarity between intimacy and war is that they both need to rely on wisdom, not luck; invincibility depends on oneself, but the enemy (can or not be happy, often depends on the other party; but whether you can save yourself from misfortune, you can grasped).
Some people say that the main problem between the two sides in the film is the lack of communication. However, the focus of communication is not frequency and skill, but the willingness to communicate.
For Nicole, I think the communication barrier is pride, self-esteem, and forbearance; for Charlie, I think the communication barrier is self inertia and lack of motivation.
That scene where two people arguing that is bound to be included in future movies or acting education textbooks, I find it very enjoyable. In an extreme way, the two sides have reached the highest level of communication: consistent inside and outside, allowing oneself to be heard, seen, and known.
From the generous and decent forbearance and concealment, to the emergence and outbreak of problems, to the ugly, I am not saying that intimacy is a zero-sum game. There are countless possibilities for communication between these two poles.
What I want to say is that the best window period for communication is when both parties open their hearts with both hearts open. The basis of such an opportunity is that both parties have the motivation to communicate. Having such motivation is itself a symbol of a sweet relationship. When such motivation vanishes, mediators and lawyers intervene, go to court, and put pressure on each other. Although it is painful, it is also communication.
03. What's the point of managing the suffering of fate and feelings?
For Nicole, California has a lot of space. Without being married, she probably doesn't know how good it is to be single.
The whole road to divorce, starting with the cry of the first meeting with the lawyer, was like a redemption for Nicole, culminating in that quarrel - he listened and he talked. Then she got over and move on. Nicole behind was more like It's letting go, self-awakening, and realizing that the best is not outside of yourself after all, no longer pursuing Charlie's approval, but self-approval.
Through the divorce Nicole became optimistic and successful, and completed the integration of self.
Charlie suffered a broken ego.
Watching this movie, I have a feeling that the director is also the screenwriter Noah Baumbach, understands Nicole, and portrays her clearly and clearly; however, for Charlie, it is very vague and confused, and it seems that there are many blanks that cannot be said. Considering that this is a semi-autobiographical film about the director's own divorce experience, I think it may be that people lack the ability to look into their hearts.
Once consistent inside and out, high-spirited, standing and determined like an iceberg, Charlie, after being pryed open in the back, he lost control, he cursed, he was ugly, he hesitated, he compromised, he even cut himself.
What does this experience mean to him? what is the benefit?
Perhaps the benefit is not for him, but for the world.
Perhaps he knew that besides himself, there were other people's feelings to consider.
To be genuine in a relationship.
Even if you are loved, you cannot be fearless.
Learning to compromise, learn to sacrifice, and learn to give up one's own position is a reasonable position.
Experience loss, experience attachment, and experience the courage to change yourself.
Or maybe it doesn't make sense at all. Emotional suffering is life itself.
My yoga teacher often said in class, feel your pain, try not to judge it, live with it, it is part of you. The world is so big, there are very few people you can approach in your life, and people who come to your heart, you can't even choose. People fall in love without reason, without even wanting to. It's a once in a lifetime chance. The sweetness and pain it brings are one time a life, and it is a part of our life.
Getting along with people is managing fate
The so-called relationship between people is the management of fate.
When fate comes, meet and cherish; when fate runs out, learn to let go and move on.
Today, when divorce is such a common social phenomenon, it is still worth experiencing the marriages of stars three, four, five and six times in their lives. Celebrities are just people who have more capital and less entanglement to adapt to fate in the future.
At the end of the film, some people say it's an open ending, some say it's a happy ending.
I watched Nicole and his new boyfriend, who was totally devoid of the crowd, go to the Halloween party noisily; on the other hand, Charlie accepted a teaching position at UCLA and moved to LA. In the final scene, Nicole ran over to help Charlie put the scattered The laces were fastened, and Charlie's calf patted naturally. Charlie's eyes, holding his son, were less aggressive and more grateful.
Both of them seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, and finally they no longer had to face each other, and there was no resentment. Neither joy nor sorrow, after the penetration, it was as calm as water, without a trace of waves.
I feel sad.
In their minds, they imagined those moments of life that were full of vitality in the years when they first met in New York.
The good things in the world are not firm, and the colorful clouds are easy to disperse and the glass is brittle.
You can't always have the best things, you only have the things that are most balanced for you.
The law and destiny of the change of all things.
It sucks. And it hurts.
The original text was published on my public account: KitchenPsy
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