used to frustration vigilant comfort

Kylee 2022-04-22 07:01:04

From a girl's point of view: At the beginning of this marriage, you got something from the talent of the other party and the passion brought by the other party. At the same time, there is a sense of sacrificing the value of work. It cannot reflect the commitment of the family. If one day the psychological balance is broken, you must accept another kind of gain and compromise. Pros and cons are only choices

Boy's point of view: Even if he is so talented, he can't balance the backlash brought by selfishness . It's too smooth, no matter life or work, it's not a good thing. It's the normal state of life to balance life if there are setbacks and gains . Some lessons, the sooner you experience them, the lower the cost; but sooner or later there is no conclusion. After all, life is so long, any time, as long as you can face up to the lessons and don’t get immersed in your emotions, it’s a good thing


1. For so many years, the female protagonist has surpassed the male protagonist, so she is a sacrificial role in the relationship, but it is not that the male protagonist owes the female protagonist, it is exchange and acceptance. This year, although the heroine is still nostalgic for this relationship, or can't let go of the happiness brought by the hero that is higher than her own value, the balance in her heart has changed. She has made a choice to choose a mediocre life without a male protagonist , but she can pursue career development more freely , and her value in society will be more prominent. But she actually took on a lot . It seems that the latter choice brings more benefits, but in fact, on the one hand, she has given up her accustomed way of life and has been with her husband day and night , which is a huge challenge for a girl, or for anyone; on the other hand The bottleneck in the career . For a long time, the family is the most important thing. The female protagonist will not have so many opportunities to exercise the performance ability (the training ability of the male protagonist is relatively simple. Imagine that you have been in the same company for a long time.) How much progress can be made), age and ability can be said to be double thorns. So divorce is not how much the heroine takes advantage of, she also coexists with gain and loss

2. People should constantly improve their character flaws in the process of growing up, and talent is only a high starting point. If you are immersed in a sense of superiority and do not step out of your comfort zone, those who suffer will catch up, sooner or later ( The male protagonist's angle is expanded)

3. Selfishness is a very serious type of personality defect. As Steve said in the episode of Charity, if you don't share , don't sacrifice , and don't love others , you wo n't get what others share , don't give , and don't love . People are social animals, no one can accept being alone in this world, no one can connect with it (expanding the male protagonist's perspective)

4. There is a particular scene in the movie. The heroine simulated a dialogue with a court investigator in front of her lawyer, and frankly admitted some problems in her life. The lawyer told her that she could not admit it, and emotionally attacked the society's unfair expectations for women: Dad can be selfish , unreliable, but mom has to be perfect. Whether the invisible pressure these societies put on mothers is really unfair , I don't know how to judge. Because I think that this society will also have unfair expectations for my father : my father wants to make money and has to be responsible. But at the same time, I feel that this society does seem to be more tolerant towards men in marriage. The most typical possibility is that even if he cheats , it will not affect his friends' views of him (which he may already know), and will not affect his work status. It will not affect his next relationship (this is not necessarily, it varies from person to person), but if it is a woman, it is completely different, especially the public opinion in society. But from another perspective , men actually pay more in marriage. As I discussed with my friends two days ago, girls always look forward to a marriage more than boys. One of the main reasons is that marriage means a sense of security. When something goes wrong, someone is in front of you. For boys, girls Can give, mainly sex and stability. In other words, in a more typical modern marriage, men need to take on more and take responsibility (although many men fail to do so, this is the expectation or requirement of the whole society for men). Let’s not talk about the value of both men and women before marriage. After entering marriage , boys are forced to grow up at work because of their sense of responsibility and courage. It may be that their professional ability needs to be improved, or more importantly, their social ability needs to be improved. Personal growth will be fasterFor girls, it is much easier to ensure the apparent stability of the family. In other words, if a marriage does not break up, a man needs to work hard to improve himself to meet the requirements of society, while a woman can maintain a marriage if she does not have high requirements on herself, has a job, and does not have trouble in the family. , but its own value has not actually increased at this time. Therefore, in marriage, the value of men will be higher and higher , while women will make little progress, and eventually there will be a mismatch , and cheating will follow (of course cheating is not a suitable solution, first end the marriage and then start another A relationship is right). In fact, it is also reasonable, because when the other party is growing up hard, you stick to your original way. Although it takes a lot of time, many of the results are ineffective. For example, educating children, from a spiritual perspective, there is indeed no other party's experience. Hard work from social pressure. So if you want to maintain the fidelity of marriage, you must always pay attention to whether the values ​​of two people match . First of all, before marriage , you must objectively analyze each other's value , be clear about your own position in the marriage, and set your own position. Second, in marriage, if women bring children at home, social and personal values ​​are bound to be affected. Men grow up in society. If women do not want to be left behind, they should either choose to work while raising children to improve their social value , or improve their ability to maintain family relationships.(Get along with family members, husband, mother-in-law, etc.), and at the same time decide the degree according to the choice, such as choosing not to work, then the ability to maintain family relationships (or family emotional intelligence) will improve faster, and at the same time, you must always Pay more attention, which means more hard work; if men have poor abilities and low self-requirements and do not grow themselves, then the value is no different from the beginning, but as women get older, the value of appearance and sex decreases, so you still need to improve yourself. . Some people may say, why do women have to take care of children and work, while men don't. In fact, men have to shoulder more social responsibilities and take more responsibility, so it is still balanced. (If men do not assume more social responsibilities, then it is necessary to consider whether the value of the two is matched, and whether women are inferior to men in other aspects. If the value of the two is equal, then the relationship is unequal, and it can be considered to end, of course. At the same time, it is necessary to take into account the public opinion and pressure to be faced after the end. After all, it seems that women are still at a disadvantage, and the society treats women unfairly, but in fact, it is also because of their inability to judge when they entered the marriage; just like boys need to have a house. It takes a car to find a girl to marry, while the requirements for girls are much lower. In this aspect, girls have an advantage, so it is still balanced)

If I choose 4 stars, I usually prefer to watch drama films. I watch this kind of romance film less often, and I don’t know how to evaluate it, so I will give a middle-to-upper score.

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Extended Reading

Marriage Story quotes

  • Nora Fanshaw: People don't accept mothers who drink too much wine and yell at their child and call him an asshole. I get it. I do it too. We can accept an imperfect dad. Let's face it, the idea of a good father was only invented like 30 years ago. Before that, fathers were expected to be silent and absent and unreliable and selfish, and can all say we want them to be different. But on some basic level, we accept them. We love them for their fallibilities, but people absolutely don't accept those same failings in mothers. We don't accept it structurally and we don't accept it spiritually. Because the basis of our Judeo-Christian whatever is Mary, Mother of Jesus, and she's perfect. She's a virgin who gives birth, unwaveringly supports her child and holds his dead body when he's gone. And the dad isn't there. He didn't even do the fucking. God is in heaven. God is the father and God didn't show up. So, you have to be perfect, and Charlie can be a fuck up and it doesn't matter. You will always be held to a different, higher standard. And it's fucked up, but that's the way it is.

  • Bert Spitz: You know what this is like? This is like that joke about the woman at the hairdresser, she's going to Rome. You know this?

    Charlie: I don't.

    Bert Spitz: This woman is at her hairdresser, and she says, "I'm going to Rome on Holiday." And he says, "Oh, really? What airline are you taking?" She says, "Alitalia." He says, "Alitalia? Are you crazy? That's the worst - that's terrible. Don't take that. Where you gonna stay?" She says, "I'm gonna stay at the Hassler." "The Hassler? What, are you kidding? They're renovating the Hassler. You'll hear hammering all night long. You won't sleep. What are you gonna see?" She says, "I think I'm gonna try to go the Vatican." "The Vatican? You'll be standing in line all day long. You'll never get to see anything."

    Charlie: I'm sorry, Bert, am I paying for this joke?