Quentin, what's wrong with you?

Abernathy: The answer to your question, is no, of course not.

Zoë: What do you mean "no of course not?"

Abernathy: The reason Cecil hasn't had a girlfriend in six years, is because girls will fuck him. And if you fuck Cecil, you don't become one of his girlfriends. Not to say I want to be his girlfriend, but if I did want to be his girlfriend, if I fucked him, I wouldn't be his girlfriend, I'd be one of his regulars. And I'm getting too fucking old for that shit.

Zoë: Have you let him do anything?

Abernathy: Yes! I've let him give me a foot massage, and when we go to the movies, I let him hold my hand.

Kim: Bitch, you might be acting like you're twelve years old, but he is acting like a man. You need to break the nigga off a piece.

Zoë: Let me get this straight, you're not fucking him, you're not sucking him, you're not giving him any tongue, but Darryl Hannah's stand in is?

Abernathy: Okay, can we just take my sex life off the table?

Zoë: Actually, it was Cecil's sex life that was on the table, and your lack of one.

Kim: HAHA.

Abernathy: Okay, fuck both of you and your little high five.

Kim: Before you can claim a nigga, you got to claim a nigga. And you can start by giving the mother fucker a hand job on the back of the van on Tuesday.

Abernathy: I'm not gonna do that.

Kim: I know you won't, but you know who will? The bitch that ends up living in that big ass mansion of his.

Lee: Now I gotta say, I haven't agreed with everything that Kim's said, but it is true, if you stretched it out what you have with Cecil, if you suddenly get dirty on him, it blows their minds...

Zoë: So what's your story, Abernathy?

Abernathy: I had a set crush on Cecil.

Kim: Set crush? Nigga please, you were his set wife.

Abernathy: Were and Had being the key words here.

Kim: Bitch, you two are still into each other, and you know it.

Abernathy: Oh yeah? If he's still into me, then why did he fuck Darryl Hannah's stand in? Yes, men are dogs, oh it's so funny, oh it's so funny!

Kim: Oh, stop acting all hurt, your ass is just mad.

Abernathy: Yeah, he's a stand in fucker.

Kim: Bitch, you need to get over that shit, that was two weeks ago.

Abernathy: Oh, well now when you put it like that. Oh I haven't told you the best part, he fucked her on my birthday.

Zoë: Oh, that's a horse of a different color.

Abernathy: Thank you.

Zoë: Did he know it was your birthday? I mean, he's the director, he's kinda busy.

Abernathy: He ate a piece of my birthday cake, and he got me a present. Yeah, I think he knew.

Zoë: What'd he get you?

Abernathy: He made me a tape.

Lee: He made you a tape? Wait, he didn't burn you a CD, he made you a tape? Oh, it's so romantic.

Abernathy: I know what you're gonna say so don't even go there.

Kim: That sounds like the test of true love to me.

Abernathy: Look, I know you guys like him, he's likeable... but he fucked another woman on my birthday. How can you not be on my side?

Zoë: Well, I admit, that sounds bad.

Abernathy: It is bad!

Zoë: It just sounds like there's a little more to it than that. Were you two fucking?

Kim: Hell no!

Abernathy: Hello, is your name Abernathy?