[Hoover is at a Senate Appropriation Committee hearing]
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
Why do we need this?
J. Edgar Hoover:
Because criminals flee in fast automobiles across state lines, thereby defeating local jurisdiction because there is no federal police force to stop them.
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
By my tally, your bureau wants to spend more taxpayer's dollars catching crooks, than what the crooks you catch stole in the first place.
J. Edgar Hoover:
Well that's ridiculous. The Bureau has apprehended kidnappers and bank robbers who have stolen up to and in excess of...
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
Really?
[Hoover stops midsentence]
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
How many have you apprehended?
J. Edgar Hoover:
We have arrested and arraigned 213 wanted felons.
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
No, I mean *you*, Director Hoover.
J. Edgar Hoover:
Well, as Director, I administer.
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
How many have you arrested, personally?
[long pause as Hoover stares at McKellar]
J. Edgar Hoover:
I have never arrested anybody.
[Other men in the chamber gasp in shock]
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
You've never arrested anybody?
J. Edgar Hoover:
Well of course not. I'm an administrator...
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
With no field experience. You are shockingly unqualified, aren't you, sir? You have never personally conducted a criminal investigation in the field in your life. I think you're a front. I think your prowess as a lawman is a myth, created from the hoopla of headlines by Mr. Suydam, your publicist there. Crimebuster? G-Man? You're setting yourself up as a Czar? That's running wild in my estimation.
J. Edgar Hoover:
A *crime* is what runs wild...
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
If this country requires a bureau such as yours, I question whether you are the person fit to run it.
J. Edgar Hoover:
[getting angry]
Well I will not be judged by a kangaroo court of venal politicians...
Senator Kenneth McKellar:
Your appropriation increase is denied.
[taps his gavel, signifying the end of the session; Hoover and his aides get up and leave]
J. Edgar Hoover:
Feed the following to Walter Winchell: "McKellar is a Neanderthal, and he is on a personal vendetta to destroy me." We will not contest him in his committee. We need to fight him on the front page. Where's John Dillinger?
