But the good days of peace and happiness have finally come to an end. That day, Claudia saw a beauty bathing naked. That day, Claudia hated all the ragdolls. That day, Claudia was furious at Lestat because Lestat kept her from growing up. Her sense of self begins to awaken, and she wants to get rid of everything that is preventing her free choice. Lestat's doting became a shackle. Finally, the little child took out the dagger, and like Oreste in the ancient Greek legend raised the sword to kill his mother, and like Oedipus killed his father, she drained Lestat's blood and let him Throw it into the lake to feed the crocodile. The struggle for existence has never been so fierce. And when Lestat came back alive, Louis handed him over to Death again. The two children finally got rid of the authority that suppressed growth and freedom and fled to the outside world to find the same kind and the meaning of existence. But Louis eventually lost Claudia, and he returned to the ruined manor to see Lestat, emaciated and old, slumped on a large wooden chair. The once beautiful Lestat was afraid of the lights in the middle of the night. It was the common blood that brought Louis back.
So I saw the umbilical cord between me and my mother. She made me out of blood and painstakingly taught me the principles of being a human being: we should have humanity, morality, and discipline. But my nature is not dead, no matter how carefully I teach it, I am always willful and reckless. As I got older, I wanted more and more to be independent, to be someone different from her and the teachings passed down from generation to generation. Her love became possessive and bossy. Of course, I am far from Claudia's pure and extreme, I don't want to destroy, I just want to seek approval and understanding, like a little slave who occasionally fails to do housework in order to resist his master. But I'll always go, and I'm already on my way. However, I know that after a circle, gained or lost, I will definitely come back. Common blood got me back. But it won't stop, like Louis, it will start again. I know that she loves me more than herself, and I will always be with her. My past experience has made me love her more than anyone else, but I am full of resentment for it, and even use hurt to get rid of my emotions. Louis wandered around with repentance and longing for Claudia, and I saw the growth of a man full of Oedipus complex. Confused in the struggle, anxious about loss, longing for love, lonely but everywhere.
Louis and Claudia meet Amand and his group of vampires while traveling together. Louis was attracted and Amand was a better teacher than Lestat. He asked: Who made us? What is the meaning of our existence in this world? What are we? Amand said: "It doesn't make any sense, we're just vampires. This question and answer, I borrowed the mouth of a philosopher to translate it: the meaning of existence lies in itself. Translating it in plain language is: you can do what your blood tells you to do, and if you are born a vampire, go and kill. To translate it in a more common language, it is: the dragon gives birth to the dragon, the phoenix gives birth to the phoenix, and the son of the mouse can make a hole. This is exactly the same as Lestat's persuasion. So, looking at Lestat, I know what purity is. He only asks what he really wants to do in his heart, and he is obsessed with his own needs. Louis' lofty morals are useless by comparison.
There are many people, there are many excellent people, they work hard to restrain, forbear, and aggressive, they only do what they should do; there are other people, living their own lives, they do what they want to do thing, and fall in love with the one you love. Of course, there are other people who, after the society has established fame and success as the standard of respect and recognition, they have been thrown to the edge, endured both material and spiritual torment, and are both eager to envy and angry and jealous of the excellence recognized by the mainstream.
Amand wants to keep Louis. He said: I cannot live without you. Louis said: You are already dead, and you just want me to bring you back to life. The greatest significance of Louis to Amand is that although he is anxious and confused, he is always looking for answers. He is alive, albeit in isolation. And Amand is also isolated. The vampires in the basement of the theater have become mechanically numb in the repetitive work day after day. They no longer ask who they are, they are already walking dead.
At this point, my thoughts jumped back to my mother. She herself is not a person who is too constrained by moral evaluation, she just routinely passes down the rules. On the contrary, she doesn't think much about the outside world when she does things, she acts according to her intuition, she is blunt and persistent. If life was easier for her and had fewer expectations, requirements, and responsibilities for her, then she would have much lower requirements and fewer entanglements. In that way, she was absolutely lovely as a young Lestat as gorgeous, pure and insightful.
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