Hi, I’m Woody Allen. As you know, I have made a new film. It has to be released. I will trick you into making your hard-earned money from 9 to 5, turning around, and finally entering In the pockets of capital bosses, they are all good at exploiting the masses.
The damn filmmaker asked me to write a short article to attract you to the theater, and buy a package of popcorn and a glass of carbonated drink that are harmful to people's health. They also asked to be tactful, not like a naked hard advertisement. Oh, that bald gentleman, how can he underestimate the IQ of your audience? You can see through the inferior essays at a glance, and how can you bluff your wise minds with roundabout flattery. I have never believed that, according to Hu Bian’s year-end statistics, good-selling products are those promoted by garbage advertisements; I have never believed that the citizens who consume according to stupid advertisements are you. I think it is better to be frank with the consumers. This is your audience and talk about some things. Based on these things, you decide not to watch this film, and my future works that will take you to the next level.
"Hey, wise gentleman, intellectual lady, please come and enjoy Woody Allen's latest wise work", oh, sour and silly; "old and young legendary love, conservative Christians become pioneer artists, 3p, gay... …Have everything you need, come and watch", not to mention it, true and common; "a masterpiece of moral decay, deeply exposing the ridiculous behavior of capitalist society", God, even the former Soviet Union would not use this The slogan is too low-level. I called Godard. He was busy with the huge production of "Socialism". He said, "Hey, idiot, watch Woody Allen's movie." It was so angry. I know that those lovely fans will definitely come to see my new work, without having to write any promotional copy.
Speaking of Godard, I remembered the conversation with him many years ago, and I also recorded the video, which can be downloaded without paying. Of course, this video is also available on the Internet with flooding and all kinds of birds. In my new film, the old man played by Larry David talks to the camera endlessly. Godard liked to use this stiff move decades ago. Godard and his friends in the film manual, who later broke, listed Hitchcock as one of the supreme, author movies in the genre. The audience's clear lesson, my mighty and majestic works also have this characteristic.
Some commented that I kept repeating myself. Samantha Jones of "Sex and the City" actually said: "Woody Allen is out of fashion." How can Samantha, a classically bold woman like her, understand me? She didn't know that I was learning the xx development concept and keeping pace with the times. Not to mention the evolution of the world’s sexual interest from two persons to three persons. I ridiculed men who made fun with sheep in "The Book of Sex" in the 1970s. "South Park" has been spoofed with crude animation for ten years, and it has not faded. I will not design the exaggerated part of Spielberg and George Lucas to rape the Indians. Like you, when I'm not making movies, I'm an elegant intellectual. That's too grandstanding.
It is true that I am not a director who pursues sports art like Eisenstein, not from the beginning. When I set foot in the film industry, modern film methods were sufficient. I used film as a tool and stuffed things in my mind. Some people will start from my Jewish identity, smart, humorous, and self-deprecating. Oh, I have something I want to say, and I found a tune that matches it. I'm not cold, I don't like rigidity. Most of my works are comedy shells and have a happy ending. They start from soap-style plots, skimming morality, gender, society, art, etc., to comedy.
It is inevitable that some viewers like Bergman's thinking. I even took two Bergman's works, but that's not my type. I do not deny that after you have watched my movie, you can see morality, marriage and so on. But the comment should be commensurate with the work, a humorous work, there should not be a dull and boring teacher-like discussion.
As for the sad and lovely literary teenager, his (her) feelings about everything are the same tone. For movies, he (she) likes to start from a dialogue (mostly about love), substituting his own limited experience, moaning without illness, but unaware of it. I would rather they start from the heroine's measurements. Unfortunately, they are always attracted by my wisdom and erudition first and go astray.
Also, the old physicist in the film said: "You know, this is not a movie that feels good this year. So, if you are one of those idiots who need to feel good. , Just go and give yourself a pedicure.” The timid producer thinks that this sentence is cursing your audience. It is better to remove it. He once again underestimated your IQ. The old man scolded an idiot, not you, right?
Okay, let's not talk about it, except for the script and "Mensa's Whore", I generally don't write so many words. Besides, it's with you. You can tell me what you are talking about. After reading it, you can count it. At the beginning of "Anything", the old man's lines nearly 1,500 words. I am going to a jazz concert in the evening, and I am going to go now.
Hey, boy, when I was enjoying jazz, did you watch my old man movie again?
Woody Allen •
21 October 2009
(Note: purely fictional)
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