"What we're really afraid of is not choice, but responsibility for choice."
William Glasser, who founded reality therapy, believes that all the embarrassment you encounter are caused by three reasons:
you don't know what you really want;
you know, But your needs aren't being met;
you've been meeting them the wrong way all the time.
For example, the reason why you find it hard to go home for the New Year may not be the fact that going home itself, but the fact that going home makes you face the fact that you are still single, or when you are asked when you are getting married, you finally have to see The "commitment" issue that you have been afraid to touch for a long time.
Therefore, the first thing you should think about should not be "how to deal with it at home", but "what do you really want"? What you want is a stable relationship? Or is there sufficient economic basis? Or, you simply don't want your family to know about your partner, for fear that they will object if they find out? Once you see your worries clearly, you can also try to translate them into your needs or goals.
Reality therapy emphasizes four core steps:
(1) Need, what do you want (Want)?
(2) What are you doing now/past?
(3) Evaluation, are you doing these useful (Evaluating)?
(4) Planning, if you choose again, what is your plan?
Found it? The reason why you keep choosing the ineffective method is because it is usually a method of "drinking poison to quench your thirst", and the needs that you care about and desire are never actually met.
"We fear choices because every choice also means some loss!"
Would you want to buy a remote control that could quickly rewind all the unpleasant moments in life? The protagonist of the story, Michael Newman, complained that there was no way to balance work and family, so he always wanted to fast-forward the time he spent with his family. Unexpectedly, his choice brought his life into chaos and his marriage into crisis.
“If you can’t keep pace with what you want to do, you will waste energy on many things. By the time you have the opportunity to do what you want to do, you may not have the strength or time to do it.” —John ．Strelecky, "Life Cafe"
is often our choice to meet short-term needs, but in the long run, it is not directly related to the purpose of our life. You waste a lot of time answering emails, doing things you don't even want to do because your boss told you to do it, beating yourself up for cooperating with others, and even wasting time on people who don't really matter. We make these choices because they seem to relieve some of our anxiety, but we forget that every choice also means something to lose.
Ask yourself: If you can choose carefully, what are the losses you can afford?
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