No one can do it, be happy in tangle and contradiction

I have been thinking about a question recently, thinking of my emptiness about death, all this makes me terrified, why did Haizi and Leslie Cheung commit suicide, I feel that they all have this kind of thinking at work, like Lao Zhuang, I feel that all this is nothingness , I can't find a reason to support my life. I feel that why there are Buddhists in the West, there are oriental immortals in Taoism, and there is heaven in Christianity. These are just some ways of liberation for those who harbor these thoughts. So I panicked, I didn't believe in anything, which made me very painful, and it was difficult to get rid of [the emptiness of life]. Seeing this movie, it mainly highlights the theme of family love. I remember talking about this topic with a classmate yesterday, and I said: "I'm in college, if I don't go out to travel and travel, is it worthy of my college? He said: 'No money. I said: 'The great youth cannot be delayed because of this' He said: 'It is unconscionable to spend parents' money and not study hard. He also has some vague concerns behind him. He is not a scholar, I am sorry for his parents, otherwise he will have the confidence to ask for money. I said, struggle , struggle to the death. Contacting my personal college life, I have always been in this kind of confusion and entanglement. Should I be a student who is desperate to study and become a scholar? Or should I follow my own feelings? Some people will say: 'Why? The two sides can't balance it? I want to say: "It's so easy, no one seems to be able to do it. When we are relaxed, we have pressure and feel that we are too comfortable living, which is not right; when we are stressed, we think we should be free, and it is not right, it is a dilemma. [The choice between reality and ideals]
Some people may feel that I am a person who prefers freedom and likes to live in my own way. Indeed, when my brother was in the third year of high school, I worked hard but it was very painful, but after I went to college, I read a lot, and my vision opened up. I felt like a fool. . But on the other hand, this may be a way of my fall. I can't help but happily fall, right?
When it comes to this movie, it's similar to what I thought. In fact, everyone is tangled in life. Where do they go to let go? How much money do I want to earn, how famous do I want to be, how high status do I want to have, money, fame and power have been attracting us all the time, which leads to a question of certainty, when to let go?
I have been unable to avoid these three mountains. Almost at a certain stage of our life, we are all driven away, and we cannot tolerate a breath. I want to say, when you think it is appropriate, reluctantly give up! God is fair, gave each of us a mortal end, and set a rule: To gain something, you must lose something.
But we should all have a theme in striving for our own life and freedom. Wang Xiaobo's theme is magic and pessimism. He has been searching for magic all his life. What is our theme? What can support us to live? According to Sartre's existentialism, I set an ideal and motivation for myself, under the driving force of love, work towards a fair and just society, for my own freedom and for the rights of others. Struggle, this is the goal of my life!
In general, my cosmology and epistemology are that life is nothing, but if I want to exist, I must set a goal for myself and work hard for it, but there is a problem, choose ideal or surrender to reality, I Choosing an ideal is like Luo Yonghao and the people in this world who work hard for an ideal society. But on this road, I will not be too radical, I will care about the scenery on the road, and I will also want my loved family.

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