Get up and go to work every morning, rush home at noon to eat and watch TV for a while, then take a lunch break, come back from get off work in the afternoon to buy food and cook, clean up after a busy meal, watch TV when you are relaxed, and watch as thick as a brick when you have an exam book of. My mother had migraines and often had to sleep first and then get up late at night to read. She kept taking the job title test. In order to get a bigger house and get more salary, we can live a better life. Dad is often not at home. In my memory, when my mother was rarely happy, she kept fighting with all her strength. I know my mother works hard, she is always well behaved and sensible, and she never worries her.
Days passed and I grew up alone and slowly. Going to school and going to school, I don't know if there are other options. If you don't have the habit of collecting things, you are afraid to keep pets for fear of parting, you don't dare to indulge yourself, you don't dare to love deeply, and you will feel guilty if you believe too much in one thing. Ambiguous definition of happiness, yearning for wandering, just want to leave the place where I live.
When people start to be dissatisfied with the status quo, the most common reason is that it's not what I really want.
But what is 'really' wanted? Or, what about something 'really' wanted, always 'other'?
There are two paradoxical theories. One is that people are inherently different, and each person's understanding of himself is divided into layers. The outermost layer is the 'family self' formed by the birth and growth background that cannot be freely chosen, and then the 'social self' shaped by society. As experience changes and knowledge grows, more and more 'Is' are layered on top of each other. The innermost true 'I' cannot be discerned by everyone, even me. Therefore, people spend their whole lives trying to know themselves, to find out what they really need and to pursue.
Second, human desires can be guided, regardless of the most 'real' needs. When the environmental conditions change, the needs change accordingly. The so-called understanding of oneself is to follow the changes of the outside world to adjust so that the 'me' is always in a comfortable state.
Many people find a system to rely on in order to live, but at the same time pay a higher price for maintaining this system than the satisfaction they get. Or the bad thing is that the person is too optimistic, only willing to see what he wants, but ignore the negative effects that follow. How many people look at the oasis on the other side and circle the lake for a long time and still find the direction they want to go before setting out? Goals are more meaningful, just give you a reason to keep going.
When life relies too much on a pattern formed by an external force, the richer it is, the more dangerous it is. When it is suddenly lost one day after another, the established balance of beliefs, viewpoints and theories will all lose their fulcrum and have nowhere to go.
Maybe I know Ryan, he's not running away from life, it's just that everyone's normal is different. He never knew what he wanted. When Natalie snarled at him hysterically by the lake, he knew he wanted non-possessive desires, feelings that didn't expect each other, easy relationships, people, things, and themselves. When Alex questioned him on the phone, he also knew that what he wanted was the company of his lover, the warm belonging that made him settle down. Whether it is his own needs, or changes in the external environment and the guidance of those around him. It's just that they were discussing with the wrong people at the wrong time, so the hand holding the phone was powerless to put down, unable to speak.
It's just that you are still naive, knowing that people come and go alone after all, but you can't help but yearn for the warmth you share with others. When you think about it, you will have desire, and if you want to seek it, you will worry about gain and loss. If you get it, gathering and dispersing will eventually reincarnate; if you lose it, at the moment when the bubble filled with hope bursts, the gaps in the enlarged desire are empty, like a cotton coat that has been washed and deformed. It may be more personal after depreciation, but it is always better. The new time is bright.
It's not that when you want to stop, there is a belonging waiting for you to go back. Regarding the dream, the most terrible thing is not that it cannot be realized, but the huge sense of emptiness and the loss of not being able to find a way forward after it has been realized. I can't figure out where I'm going.
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