Aron Ralston:
[as Brian Stephenson]
Good morning, everyone! It is 7 o'clock here in Canyonlands, USA! And this morning on the boulder, we have a very special special guest, self-proclaimed American superhero, Aron Ralston! Let's hear it for Aron!
[nods to his imaginary audience]
Aron Ralston:
[as himself]
Hey. Hi. Oh, gosh, it's... It's a real pleasure to be here. Thank you. Thank you! Heh. Eh-heh. Em... Hey, can I say hi to my mom and dad?
[as Stephenson]
Aron Ralston:
Mom and Dad! Mustn't forget Mom and Dad. Right, Aron?
[as himself]
Aron Ralston:
Yeah, that's right. Eh... Hey, Mom. I'm really sorry I didn't answer the phone the other night. If I had, I would have told you where I was going, and then... Well, I probably wouldn't be here right now.
[as Stephenson]
Aron Ralston:
That's for sure! But like I always say... your supreme selfishness is our gain. Thank you, Aron. Anyone else you'd like to say hi to?
[as himself]
Aron Ralston:
Ehm... Well, Brion at work.
Brian:
Hi, Aron!
Aron Ralston:
[as himself]
Hey! Eh... I probably won't be making it into work today.
[Stephenson-Aron and the audience laughs]
Aron Ralston:
[as Stephenson]
Get a load of this guy! Oh, wait. Hold on... We've got a question coming in from another Aron in Loser Canyon, Utah! Aron asks...
[as caller]
Aron Ralston:
Am I right in thinking that even if Brion from work notifies the police, they'll put a 24-hour hold on it before they file a Missing Persons report? Which means you won't become officially missing until midday Wednesday, at the earliest?
[as himself]
Aron Ralston:
Yeah. You're right on the money there, Aron.
[the audience laughs]
Aron Ralston:
Which means, I'll probably be dead by then.
[the audience laughs again]
Aron Ralston:
[as Stephenson]
Aron from Loser Canyon, Utah. How do you know so much?
[as caller]
Aron Ralston:
Well, I'll tell you how I know so much. I volunteer for the rescue service. You see, I'm something of a... well, a big fucking hard hero.
[the audience laughs]
Aron Ralston:
And I can do everything on my own, you see?
[as Stephenson]
Aron Ralston:
I do see! Now... Is it true that despite, or maybe because you're a big fucking hard hero... you didn't tell anyone where you were going?
[as himself]
Aron Ralston:
Yeah. That's absolutely correct.
[as Stephenson]
Aron Ralston:
Anyone...?
[as himself, shaking his head]
Aron Ralston:
Anyone.
[as Stephenson]
Aron Ralston:
Oops...
[the audience laughs]
Aron Ralston:
[silently repeats]
Oops. Oops.
