Only tenacious tomorrow will be even more hesitant
Today is the 12th anniversary of my arrival in Hangzhou.
Twelve years ago tomorrow, after a phone call from a good buddy in college, I packed my bags, set foot on a long-distance bus, and came to a foreign land—Hangzhou. A place I used to know only in poetry, in articles. Now I am a stranger in a foreign land, watching movies one after another, thinking about my current life and recalling the past years.
The charm of life is always in unknown moments, joy or sorrow. Memories of childhood only come to mind at certain moments. When I wandered aimlessly watching the 1986 film "Stay With Me," my childhood friends were all in my mind.
"Walk With Me" is a film about growing up. The footage of the film unfolds from the light and shadow of early autumn. The poetic scenery is full of stories in the light music.
Gordy was on a country road, stopped his car, and glanced at the news in the newspaper - "Lawyer Christopher Chambers stabbed to death in restaurant". Gordy sat in the car wistfully, letting the past come to his mind.
Gordy and Chris were best childhood friends and went their separate ways when they grew up. When they were twelve or thirteen years old, they worked together with two other friends, Teddy and Wayne, to be "heroes" for a time. Maybe they could even be on TV. They decided to go to the forest on the other side of the river more than 50 kilometers away from home. The body of a 12-year-old boy.
Four twelve or thirteen-year-old children are full of curiosity about finding a corpse of their own age, and they are also full of imagination and desire to become a "hero" on TV if the corpse is found. At an ignorant and ignorant age, if you want to do "something big", you never need to think too much. It is enough to stimulate a few friends with childish words and seemingly provocative actions.
They finally decide to find an excuse to leave home and embark on a journey to find the body of the boy named Raybloll.
Three days ago, the boy named Reblol was never seen again after he went out to pick blueberries. And when Wayne inadvertently heard about the location of Rebroll's death by being hit by a train, he was quite excited and told the other three friends, so the four people in the movie set foot together to find Rebroll's body. trip.
After some quarrels and discussions, Gordy, Chris and Teddy pulled the hesitant Wayne back together. Finally, the four of them reached a consensus during the play and decided to go together with excitement. The street gangsters in their older towns also drove off the next day, on a road to find the dead. Excited, but surprisingly unanimous, if you find Rebloll's body, you can become a "hero" and be on TV because of it.
The four teenagers set off with their imaginations, and they rushed forward excitedly like an autumn tour along the way. Another wave of street youths, accompanied by reality, embarked on a journey under the coercion of "big brother".
On this strange journey forward, we gradually learned about the families of the four teenagers and the different personalities of the teenagers.
Gordy is a storyteller with a talent for being a writer, but Gordy's brother, a football player, died unexpectedly in a car accident during college. This made Gordy's parents unable to let go of it for a long time, and the whole family has been shrouded in grief. .
The death of his brother also made Gordy feel sad, but he was not keen on sports, so his parents had no new sustenance, and even when Chris said to Gordy on the way, "You will become a real writer one day", Gordy even Angry because Gordy's father had said that being a writer was stupid and a waste of time. But as soon as Chris heard Gordy's answer, he knew that it was Gordy's father's preference for his brother, and the hurt he did to Gordy after he snubbed Gordy, which made Gordy brood over what his father said.
The lines in this paragraph reminded me of a lot of teenage fragments with vague memories, and the content can no longer be picked up, but I think I once had the same conversation and mood with my teenage partner.
Chris: You can be a real writer one day, Gordy
Gordy: Fuck his writer, I don't want to be. That's stupid, that's a waste of time
Chris: That's what your dad said
Gordy: Nonsense!
Chris: No! I know how your dad treats you, he doesn't care about you at all, he only cares about Danny (Gordy's brother), don't try to argue.
When Chris finished this line, he said to himself, "You're just a kid, Gordy", which elicited a fierce response from the sensitive and self-respecting Gordy, "Oh, thank you for that. I'm concerned, Dad." Unexpectedly, Chris's answer will make you cry when you think about it, "I really wish I was your dad, so you wouldn't say that you want to go to college like me. God gave you a copy. Gifts, you are very good at telling stories. God said 'the gift we gave you, child, you must cherish it', but unless someone looks after him, the child is very easy to lose the gift. If your parents can't take care of you, then you have to Come by me".
This is a scene and lines that I can't forget, because only such two teenagers say such lines are so pure and moving. Maybe years later, both of them will blur their memories at that time, but I think there is a kind of unspeakable The love will take root in each other's hearts.
Anger contains sadness, but sadness contains a lot of helplessness.
Children from ordinary families have never understood "sorrow for the sake of writing new poems", and their lives are already full of mischief. When Chris regretted stealing the milk and returned the milk money, he saw a reality that made him even more incomprehensible. For a teenager, it is indeed a bit complicated, but he is not stupid, at least he is not way to understand.
Gordy: You might be able to go to school with me
Chris: Unlikely
Gordy: Why? You are very smart
Chris: They won't let me go
Gordy: What do you mean?
Chris: That's how people in this town see my family, that's how they see me, I'm just part of the lowly Chambers family
Gordy: Strange
Chris: Really. No one asked me if I got the milk money, so they suspended me for three days
Gordy: Did you take it?
Chris: Yes, you know I took it. Teddy knew it, everyone knew it was me, even Wayne. Maybe I felt guilty and went back.
Gordy: Are you still back?
Chris: Maybe so. Maybe I'll take it to Mrs. Simmons and confess to her that the milk money is there. But I was still suspended for three days because the milk money was never found. Maybe next week, Mr. Simmons, wearing a brand new dress to class...
Gordy: Yes, a brown dress with a little bit of color
Chris: Yes. So maybe I stole the milk money, but Mr. Simmons stole it back. If I said this, I, Chris Chambers, Eyeball Chambers' brother, do you think anyone would believe me?
Gordy: No
Chris: Do you think that if it was people who lived in high-end residential areas who stole money, that bitch would do this?
Gordy: Impossible
Chris: Of course, but it's me...
Chris: I bet she must have looked at that dress for a long time, and when the opportunity came, she took the money, and I was stupid enough to return it. I just didn't think about it, I didn't think about a teacher...
Chris: Who cares about this kind of shit?
Chris said that in the end, the grievances and sadness in his heart could not be hidden in this dark night. Gordy sat silently with Chris in this dark night, letting Chris sob softly. Chris is actually a more sensitive teenager than Gordy, but he learned to look mature and strong early.
Chris finally said "I just wish, I could go to a place where no one knew me, I'm just a bitch" and Gordy squeezed Chris' shoulders and said, "You're not'. In that campfire, I thought The two teenagers frankly confessed their real fragility and pain in their hearts, and they also got the spark for the future.
Although they don't know what the future will look like, the teenagers have the natural belief to move forward. A person's maturity is stage by stage, and the ups and downs of each stage are different.
When the sun rises over the mountains, the birds begin to chirp, and the Morrowind and the deer in the forest become Gordy's secret memory. The secret Gordy always wanted to share eventually became a lasting memory in Chris's passing.
Rebroll's body was finally found by the teenagers, but it was also the moment for the teenagers to face the real life. This corpse allowed the teenagers to witness friendship and life and death, and made their lives special and profound on that day.
In the end, the teenagers decided to call the police anonymously and gave up the right to discover Rebloll's body in exchange for their lives.
The four teenagers decided to walk back to the town through the night, finally arriving at the intersection where they left the town at just after five o'clock in the morning on a Sunday.
The secret of the corpse is finally revealed, and the cruelty of life follows. Such cruelty often appears bland, even dreamlike, when it comes.
Back at the intersection of the town, the four teenagers said goodbye to each other and dispersed.
Standing on the hillside of the town, Chris looked at the town and said, "I'll never get out of Keslow, right, Gordy?" Gordy answered Chris with a firm expression, "What do you want to do? can do it.”
"Yes, definitely," Chris looked into the distance, muttered thoughtfully, and seemed to respond to Gordy.
The growth of youth and youth often seems to be chaotic, and behind the chaos there is often a surging emotion, but these thoughts seem so childish and abrupt in the adult world, like the sky and rainbow flashing above a piece of sewage.
"I've never had as good a friend as I was when I was 12, oh my god. Isn't everyone like that?" - Gordy's last question really leaves no room for people who grow up.
"How many naive ideals
How much is found is depressing
silence to welcome disappointment
How many heart wounds
only forget
How to say before
In fact, you and yesterday's me
Living to this day has changed a lot
only tenacious
Tomorrow the road will be even more hesitant
Tired and no longer feeling
Don't worry about anything
who would like to visit at night
stay by my side
Accompany me through the darkness to disperse me
lonely pain
Search without result
who accompanies me
Hope the rain will blow away
will break through the locks of fate"
BEYOND used to sing.
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