- Dead Poets Society
Pairing : Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
"I step into the jungle because I want life to be meaningful; I want to live deeply, to absorb all that is in life, and to take everything that is not life It's all blown away, lest when my life ends, I find that I never lived."
Todd still remembers Neil's words vividly to this day. In that wet and cold cave, Neil's eyes shone so brightly, like the candlelight that dispelled all darkness, and his clear voice, together with his clear voice, penetrated into Todd's heart.
From the night he learned of Neil's death, a part of Todd's heart had been dug out; that corner was forever empty and could not be filled. And that vacant position was left to Neil by him.
Looking back years later, even Todd wondered why his first impression of Neil was so bad.
I remember the day he attended the Welton College entrance ceremony, which was dull and lengthy, distracting and restless. After the entrance ceremony, the entire academy suddenly seemed to explode, with new students and parents everywhere, and loud voices everywhere. As Todd walked down the hallway in frustration, someone suddenly stopped him.
Todd turned his head a little nervously, and recognized this peer who greeted him with impeccable formality and a smile—he was one of the honor guards at the ceremony just now. To be able to join the guard of honor at the much-anticipated entrance ceremony, hold high the pennant of Welton College's fine traditions, and walk through the auditorium with admiration and admiration, Todd can be sure that he must be the so-called "superior" A typical representative of life". The thought made Todd inexplicably uneasy.
"My name is Neil Perry, how about you?" the boy asked with a big smile, taking Todd's hand.
This common problem bothered Todd very much.
"Todd Anderson." When Todd said his last name, his voice was so soft that he couldn't hear it.
But the top student, Neil Perry, quickly responded the least Todd wanted: "Anderson? Are you related to Welton's Anderson, who gets a scholarship every year?"
"He...is me. Brother." After saying this, Todd closed his eyes, his mood had dropped to the lowest point.
"Your brother, God, you are so happy!"
Maybe he was sincere, but in Todd's ears, it was ironic. God, Todd thought, can't I just be left alone?
To be honest, having such a good brother did not bring Todd any pride and satisfaction; on the contrary, because his brother was too smart and too good, Todd had been completely shrouded in his shadow. People will always remember the elder brother's politeness, humility and grace, his wisdom, excellent grades, and promising future... Todd never got the approval and pride that his parents showed when they looked at his elder brother. He is nowhere near as smart as his brother, so any of his efforts and progress are simply insignificant compared to his brother's achievements, and no one will care.
Sometimes Todd can really feel the snobbery and ruthlessness of this world. People admire the strong, ignore the weak, and judge everything by utilitarian standards. A shy person like him is doomed to live in a forgotten corner; so he hates the self-righteous strong, who seem to be born winners, flaunting their innate gifts and talents .
Neil Perry patted Todd on the shoulder. "Hey, Todd, we're supposed to be living in a dorm."
The hustle and bustle of the dormitory made Todd breathless and dizzy. He lowered his head and dragged his luggage with difficulty. Shouts, laughter, drool, the smell of sweat, the narrow hallway was full of excited new students, Todd had to touch someone's arm or thigh with every step he took... What could be better than the scene in front of him Worse? ...After finally getting to the door of the bedroom, a laughing voice made Todd suddenly tense.
"Hey Neil, I heard you've got a new boy, stiff like a piece of wood..."
The person who said this smirked and closed his mouth the moment he saw Todd.
Pretending not to hear anything, Todd dragged his luggage into the bedroom in silence. Neil Perry, sitting on the bed looking at him, still had that almost perfect smile on his face.
Todd didn't like this Neil Perry like he didn't like his brother. They all belong to the strong, and they all belong to the victors who have the halo. He hates this guy who mocks him even more, but he has learned to endure everything, learned to face those malicious eyes and words numbly, and learned to swallow all disgust and dissatisfaction...
God, those people Too many places, and the eyes of others, always made Todd uncomfortable. He glanced at Neil Perry, hurriedly lowered his head, and began to sort things out in a panic.
Several people entered the room one after another, and Todd was silently busy at his desk, not daring to turn his head. This small room started to get lively, and all kinds of voices emerged one after another, laughter, slapstick, and these had nothing to do with Todd. Who told him to be shy by nature? He has long been accustomed to staying out of the way, accustomed to looking at the lively scenery from a distance, accustomed to staying in corners that others can't notice, and accustomed to taking care of his life alone.
The strong always have innate leadership qualities and demeanor, which has been confirmed once again in Neil Perry. Several people in the room were clearly centered on him, consciously or not, and Neil Perry had become the center of attention. He was able to make moderate jokes among several of his companions, changing their central topic and adjusting the atmosphere of the conversation.
Sure enough, he was an honor student, Todd thought uncomfortably, why would he become roommates with such a good person? If he had a choice, he would rather live with someone as ordinary as himself...
While Todd was thinking about it, Neil Perry's sudden voice surprised him.
"Todd, come and meet everyone."
What? This guy...
Todd never thought Neil Perry would introduce himself to his friends, never. Todd understands that his personality that is not good at getting along with people is not very likable, and his always cautious and restrained behavior makes many peers find it ridiculous. Sometimes he even feels that it is not completely ignored by others. There is no reason. Inferiority will hang over him from time to time, making him unable to lift his head; the halo of his brother further exacerbates this psychology. Occasionally, he would almost give up on himself and think: ignore me, let me stay alone forever! But no one knows how much he hates himself like this deep in his heart, how he hopes to change this sad situation, to show himself in front of others, to be able to trust others and be trusted by others...
Neil Perry said When everyone introduced Todd, Todd was really nervous; however, what Todd felt more than nervousness was a kind of excitement and joy. He lowered his eyes, his expression uncontrollably stiff, and he shook hands with them one by one in a panic, his hands covered with cold sweat, he repeated their names in his mind, and it was Charlie Dolton who was smoking cynically; It's Stephen Meeks with thick glasses; Knox Overstreet with a classic face... God, he can't remember.
Neil Perry looked at all this with a smile, and asked again, "Todd, we're going to have a study group tonight, are you coming?"
"Oh, no..." Todd reflexively rejected the suggestion, and then immediately Regret. Oops, why can't I always speak my mind frankly?
Neil Perry shrugged with a slightly regretful look on his face.
At that moment, Todd suddenly felt that this Neil Perry was not so annoying. He doesn't seem to have the stinky air and arrogance that top students always have, and everything he does seems sincere, as if they might be friends.
The days they spent together later proved this to be true, although Neil got A's in almost all of his exams, and despite how smart and good he was, he never showed the slightest sign to Todd or the rest of his classmates. of pride and contempt, he was always gracious and sincere. Todd felt ashamed every time he thought about his prejudice and misunderstanding about Neil in the first place.
Strangely enough, Todd couldn't always remember what happened next. Even after Charlie told him that Neil's father had called Neil out, he couldn't recall it. Who knows, maybe Todd is deliberately forgetting something, he would rather remember that sincere, free and easy smiling face, rather than that kind of bewildered, panic, depressed, sad look when facing authority.
Sometimes it occurred to Todd that the shadow of Neil's father hung over the boy at all times; even though Neil had a composure and precocity that his peers lacked, it was all vulnerable to his father; respect , obedience, that's all he has to do. The tragedies in the future seem to be foreshadowing here. Behind that bright smile, there is an unknown haze and pain.
Welton is famous for its heavy curriculum, Latin, chemistry, physics, algebra, geometry, history... There are too many subjects to count, and the entire curriculum is arranged so that every teacher poses a Too serious and dedicated, the classroom atmosphere is so dull that it makes people sleepy.
The only exception is probably M.Keating, this teacher who went against the tradition of wearing a suit and tie on the first day of school and only wearing a gray pullover and woolen trousers left a deep impression on everyone. His first class was in the school history exhibition hall. Facing those black and white photos, he warned these ignorant children to seize every day.
Todd will never forget the phrase "Carpe Diem", the same excited and excited expression of Neil and his, and the shock and feeling brought to him by facing death. From the first moment of meeting, M.Keating woke up Something deep inside Todd.
Next, every class of M.Keating will bring them surprises and surprises. They ripped off Dr J. Ewans Pritchard's bullshit theories; they gathered around Keating and heard him proclaim loudly that words can change the world; they listened to him speak Shakespeare in a witty tone; Looking at the world...
M. Keating quickly became Todd's favorite teacher, although he never said it out loud like Neil.
"Captain's class was amazing!"
Neil never hides his dislike or affection for anyone, and Todd can't; he just keeps his emotions in the dark.
Regarding the re-establishment of the Dead Poets Society, Todd clearly remembers every detail.
That day, in the cafeteria, Cameron pulled out the old school magazine with an introduction to Keating, who was still a student. In the photo, Keating is smiling, unaccustomed to being young; then, they see "Dead Poets Society." So they stopped Keating on the playground and asked him what the Dead Poets Society was. When Keating recalled the past in a nostalgic tone, Todd saw Neil's sparkling eyes, and the handsome boy clenched his hands involuntarily, so hard that a faint white halo appeared at the knuckles. This is a Neil that Todd has never seen before, not the calm, self-contained and steady top student, but a boy full of enthusiasm for his life; at this moment, Todd completely got rid of all prejudice against Neil, and in his heart In the deepest part, they are exactly the same, equally eager to do what they like best, the same eagerness for the joy of success, the same eagerness to be affirmed and understood by others, and the same eagerness to seize every day of life.
Dead Poets Society, absorb the essence of life.
Poetry, for love and passion, they are the real meaning of life...
these words shook them deeply, and while others were still in that shock, Neil had made a In an unexpected decision, the Dead Poets Society was rebuilt that night.
Todd still believes that Neil is the soul of the Dead Poets Society; this boy has such a bright and free mind. Although he followed the rules before he knew Keating and rebuilt the Poetry Society, although his desire for freedom had been suppressed, as long as he had a little light, the seeds of freedom would immediately take root in his heart and grow vigorously. Unstoppable. In just a few minutes, Neil made such an amazing decision. It has to be said that the reorganization of the Dead Poets Society seems to be a glorious mission and task given to him by God.
When he heard Neil say that, Todd's heart thumped, a strange feeling grabbed him and made him gasp, as if there was a voice in his heart saying, I want to participate, I want to participated; but the fear of the crowd held him back. As long as he is in a crowded place, he will be nervous, which has been a habit for many years. Every member of the Dead Poets Society had to read a poem in public and be the center of attention, and Todd broke into a cold sweat just thinking about it; no, he couldn't, he absolutely couldn't.
Todd saw the disappointment and reproach on his face when he rejected Neil. But he couldn't, really couldn't, even Todd himself felt sad and pitiful for himself, but what else could he do? Depression overtook him, inferiority overtook him, disappointment overtook him.
Sometimes Todd would imagine what he would have been like if Neil gave up on him later, and didn't do everything possible to persuade him, encourage him to join the Poetry Society, and allow him to participate in the Poetry Society without reading poetry. Forgive him, he can't imagine. Neil has been doing his best to help him integrate into the class, into Neil's own circle of friends, and he has been helping Todd regain his confidence and courage. And in the end, they succeeded. Neil had done so much for Todd, and before Todd had even had time to actually say thank you, he left him and was left alone.
At that time, Todd never thought to tell Neil this, he was like that, he could only keep everything in his heart; Neil was very dissatisfied with Todd like this, they even argued many times about it, it really changed Todd's , again that time.
M.Keating assigned homework and each wrote a poem. Todd spent three whole nights in pain in the dormitory, tore out half of the notebook, and still couldn't write anything satisfactory. So he just went to class that day, with nothing to prepare. Keating was obviously not happy about it, but he didn't blame Todd, just teased him and punished him in an inexplicable way.
Keating asked him to imitate the original shout. God knows what that is! Todd never spoke more than 10 decibels!
Todd stood on the podium, under everyone's eyes, repeating the unmistakable word "yawp" like a fool, over and over again, Keating still dissatisfied with his volume, he started to blush, his Patience was at its limit, and finally he was provoked and let out the loudest roar since birth!
It wasn't over yet, and then Keating dragged him to the center of the stage and covered his eyes, God, what is this for? They began to spin, and in the dark, some images emerged, also spinning dizzyingly, a maniac with sweat in his teeth, Keating's voice kept guiding him, he couldn't care about anything, just grabbed desperately Live the passing sights, this madman is so desperate and so sad, he is not understood by the world, all his struggles to find the truth are in vain, the blanket of truth is draped over him, but no matter how he kicks it, Beating it, pulling it, beating it, it would never cover his whole body, from birth to death, he was struggling desperately...
Keating let go of his hand, Todd was still immersed in the excitement just now, he gasped. Furious, unaware that the entire classroom had fallen silent; the applause followed, and the applause rang out, and Todd looked confusedly for Neil's eyes, eager to get an answer from him, and the approving look told Todd that he was. How to conquer all people with his verses, he succeeded!
"How dare you forget about today!" Keating joked.
No, Todd will never forget. On that day, he was spinning like crazy on that stage, he forgot all his fears and inferiority complex, he just chased all his passion, so he released his talent for the first time, he was the first time in the crowd Showing himself in front of him, he proved himself for the first time. In the future, Todd has never been afraid of crowds. When facing crowds, there is always a magical force supporting him, which makes him full of courage and confidence; he is no longer shy about expressing his emotions, and he has learned to laugh with everyone. Yeh, love without scruples, hate without reservation; he told his father and mother that he had grown up and had his own life, don't compare him with his brother, it is meaningless...
Thank you Keating and Neil for helping Todd find himself again.
Those days with the Dead Poets Society were some of the happiest and most carefree times of Todd's life. A gang of boys, walking through woods and rivers, meadows and shrubs at night, hiding in that dark, damp old Indian cave, joking with impunity or lewdness or kindness, and reciting passionate poems , sharing food together, carnival together, dancing together, laughing and shouting together, enjoying youth and life together, feeling the most complete happiness and indulgence together...
Todd likes the way Neil reads poetry the most, his thin fingers carefully Holding the collection of poems, the tips of his hair trembled slightly, the tip of his nose had tiny, slightly shining drops of sweat, his eyes were filled with intoxication and enthusiasm, his expression was extremely focused, and it was easy to infect everyone. , the moonlight from the top of the cave shines on his somewhat pale face, and the faint light of the candle makes his face blurred and real, and the clear and quiet voice passes through all the darkness and touches the cave. On the uneven four walls, it gently twists and doesn't disperse for a long time... Todd always seems to be in a trance at this time. He always feels that Todd is like a fragile crystal, like a flammable candle, so beautiful and so fragile ; But he also felt that they could go on like this until the end of the world...
Todd always thought it was inconceivable why a boy as thin as Neil had so much energy in his body that it seemed that he would never use it up.
When Neil got the flyer from the drama club to recruit actors, he went crazy. Later, Charlie, Cameron, Stephen, all of them seemed to crowd into their small room of less than 10 square meters. Everyone huddled together. I can't even breathe...
After getting the main character in "A Midsummer Night's Dream", the elf, Neil's energy was even more like lifting the roof of the dormitory building. He shouted at everyone: "I did it! I did it!"
The passion touched everyone, but Todd was the only one who felt vaguely uneasy. The boy's vitality and spirit had been suppressed for too long, and once it erupted, it was out of control, and it was even a little scary. From the very beginning, this force seemed to want to be free from all bondage and shackles, from all authority and oppression.
However, reality is more powerful.
Todd had only met Neil's father twice, but was very impressed with this serious, strong man. In front of him, Neil couldn't say anything, there was no room for refutation, only silence, no right to resist, only obedience. Such an authoritarian father, Todd has never met, and he insists on doing things that he thinks are beneficial to his son, but he never considers his son's feelings, there is no communication, and there is no room for negotiation. The son seems to be just his order executor, The implementer of his ideals, a machine, without resistance or emotion...
This mighty force cannot be resisted, and Neil's resistance is so insignificant, so feeble, so futile. He had no weapons; all he had was his life and his passion; and he was going to fight with the only thing he had. Todd understood that Neil's choice was not an expression of evasion and cowardice. On the contrary, it reflected all of Neil's courage; however, he could never forgive Neil who had left alone. He left without saying goodbye or nostalgia. .
I wonder what Neil was thinking when he raised his gun? Will he think of Keating, of Todd, of his friends, of the Dead Poets Society, of the happy times they had together? He must have remembered, there must be a smile on the corner of his mouth.
After remembering the victory of the football game, everyone held Keating high and ran in the sunset; I
remembered the blue sky, the bright sunshine, the gentle breeze, the transparent lake, the deep woods, the flying birds;
I remembered being on the flyover , threw the stationery bag down together, with the carefree and free and easy feeling that I had never experienced before;
I remembered the joy of rehearsal and performance, and found my satisfaction;
Thinking of the success of that performance, all the flowers and applause belonged to him alone, only to him...
But he still shot, with a smile on the corner of his mouth, no pain or hesitation... Every time I think of this , Todd could not cry, no sound at all, only tears fell down in big drops.
Todd didn't know exactly when he fell in love with Neil.
Keating gives almost everyone the courage to change and pursue their lives: Pitts and Stephen listen to "Free America" radio on the school rooftop; Charlie brings two beautiful girls to the Poetry Society and writes to the principal asking for Welton The academy admits female students; Knox lets go of his guts and goes after Chris, who has a violent boyfriend...
Todd vaguely feels the urge to do something, but he doesn't know what to do.
On the night of his 17th birthday, he sat alone on the flyover, looking at the ugly stationery bag almost numbly and blankly. He was about to cry when Neil ran over to comfort him. He looked into Neil's face in the faint moonlight, and suddenly there was such a tender feeling in his heart. This boy was his friend, his companion, someone he could trust with all his heart, someone he could always rely on. Good, Todd thought, why is it so good? Why are you so gentle? Everything seemed to be smiling, smiling like Neil.
So he realized that he liked Neil, not a normal one, not a normal one, but a love that he hoped to be with him until the end of his life.
However, Todd didn't have the courage to confess to Neil that if he couldn't make friends, Todd would definitely die.
Those nights, those sleepless nights, the closed room was so quiet except for the slight breathing of the two of them. Todd lay on the bed and turned his face to Neil. Although he couldn't see anything, he could imagine every arc on Neil's sleeping face; the slightly wrinkled brow, the soft eyelids twitching from time to time, the quivering nose, the slightly open eyes. Lips... Todd asked himself, how could he like this boy so much, his intelligence, gentleness, thoughtfulness, delicacy, bravery, enthusiasm, vitality, every bit of which made Todd appreciate and like.
Oh God, how blessed it was to know him, how blessed to be friends with him, how blessed to be by his side!
It turns out that people cry when they are happy to the extreme. Todd only knew this after watching Neil's performance.
After all these years, Todd couldn't help but think about how dazzling Neil was on stage. That day, Neil completely melted into the stage, into the story, into that fairytale Midsummer Night's Dream; he was none other than the elf.
Charlie kept repeating "He's awesome! Really!" Keating kept exchanging happy glances with Todd, everyone was deeply attracted by Neil on stage, and bursts of laughter broke out in the audience. sound and admiration.
Neil has a talent for acting, no doubt he was born to act.
"Todd, you know what, for the first time in my life, I know what I want to do!" Todd's ears were still ringing with Neil's excited, trembling voice.
How could I not know? When I see your incomparably satisfied look after every rehearsal, when I see that elf flying in the silent woods, I already know your deepest desire. Even the father you've always feared, even my dissuasion, doesn't help, you're just chasing your dreams, don't you?
After the curtain call, thunderous applause resounded throughout the auditorium. All the audience stood up, everyone was blushing, everyone clapped their hands desperately, Neil on stage had to bow again and again to thank, still could not meet the enthusiasm and expectations of the audience...
such a warm scene For the first time in Todd's life, he was caught in the passion and had difficulty controlling himself. He felt that he no longer existed, that he melted into this passion, all the pain, sadness, confusion, confusion, anxiety, hesitation, also no longer exist, only the joy and happiness of conquering all brought by success, There was only thunderous applause that would not dissipate for a long time. He seemed to be flying, flying higher and higher, surpassing everything, surpassing everything, only joy and happiness...
When Todd realized it, he was already in tears, even his own Don't know why. But the tears just fell like that, without any control. He opened his mouth, made some broken sounds, and tears flowed into his mouth.
Applause and cheers drowned out the insignificant voice, which Charlie and Keating didn't notice, and
Todd said, "I love this boy, I love Neil."
His heart was full of joy and courage, love and tenderness, and he wanted to convey this feeling to Neil, yes, the Neil he loved.
Carpe Diem, Seise the day.
The backstage passage was a mess, and Todd couldn't squeeze in at all, so he had to wait anxiously outside the auditorium door with Keating and the others.
Neil came out quickly, and Todd remembered grabbing his hand involuntarily, "Oh, Neil, you're awesome, really!" Neil gave him a smile, Todd's so familiar smile, but with With such a sad breath. Todd never thought that this was the last time he saw Neil, and this was the last thing he said to Neil.
Looking back on it later, Neil's sad smile, his pale face, and his speechless silence all seemed to be terrifying prophecies, which made people feel chilling.
After Neil came out, his extremely authoritarian father. He dismissed the kid who wanted to congratulate Neil, pushed Keating threateningly away, and pulled Neil roughly. It all happened so fast that everyone was stunned. Their passionate words, their planned celebrations, their ready-to-night spree, vanished like bubbles in a blink of an eye.
It's like happiness and joy, so fleeting and disappearing in a blink of an eye.
The vapor on the car glass obscured Neil's face, and Todd couldn't see anything. The boy he loved had left.
And leave forever.
That night, in the old Indian cave, at a celebration without Neil, Todd read a poem he had written to Neil. He didn't tell anyone else who it was for; he read the poem and thought, you're not here, but you know it's for you, Neil, my poem for you, Neil, you'll like it, Neil...
Back in the dormitory, he lay on Neil's bed for a while, and the smell of Neil made him a little dazzled; he mulled over his love for Neil, for this The boy's love, then smiled and climbed into his bed.
At that time, Todd did not know that the distance between heaven and hell was actually very close.
In the middle of the night, he was woken up by someone, and he opened his eyes in a panic, and found that Charlie was in tears...
Then it started to snow, and it kept falling, and the snowflakes flew all over the sky, like frozen tears. Todd just sat there, looking out the window at the heavy snow, not a single tear, he couldn't cry.
At dawn, Todd suddenly wanted to go out. He could no longer stay with Neil's bed, Neil's desk, Neil's things, Neil's smell, and Neil's memories. He walked out of the dormitory without a word, as if someone Followed, he did not know, he just walked, walked, walked aimlessly, walking in an endless white.
Todd stopped, turned around and said, "It's beautiful!"
It's beautiful, Neil, the world is so beautiful, but you can't see it, you can't see it again...
Then Todd felt a surge in his stomach, and he squatted down Going down, retching in despair, again and again, tears that hadn't come out all night began to burst at this time, and Todd felt like he was about to take it anymore, this kind of sadness and despair.
Neil died, committed suicide.
After a long time, Todd learned that the day before Neil's performance, his father learned about it and wanted to cancel his performance. Neil went to Keating and negotiated with his father. Get a chance to perform.
Neil told Todd nothing about these things. Todd knew nothing about Neil's pain and hesitation, and Neil chose to endure everything silently, just like before, as if he chose to end everything silently. Todd couldn't share his pain, couldn't help him a little, and Neil didn't even say hello and just left. Neil had done so much for Todd, but he didn't do anything for Neil, he couldn't even confess his heart, he didn't even really thank Neil.
"Children,
hurry up and pick those rosebuds
while you can.
Time flies
and these flowers that smile today
may wither tomorrow"
The poem Keating gave to them on their first day of class seems to have been written for Neil and Todd. Before Todd could pick the rosebuds, the flowers that were still smiling had withered.
Todd woke up crying in countless nights, his pillow was full of salty tears; he regretted countless times, regretted his hesitation and cowardice... But everything was irreversible after all, Neil really only exists in memories and dreams.
Not long after, Keating was also forced to leave Welton and lost contact with them. Time flies so fast, everything is a thing of the past, and maybe few people remember Keating and Neil when Welton graduated. But to Todd, that was all he was, his life.
So he chose to take the same path as Keating, and he became an English teacher. He wrote poems, those poems that pierced his bones and haunted his soul; he told those children with bright eyes that the most precious things in life were passion and love, and he told them that life is free and can never be bound.
What is death?
The candles at Welton College's opening ceremony, the candles in the old Indian cave, the candles in a Midsummer Night's Dream, these images and images will always recur in Todd's mind, overlapping each other, warm and soft. Todd always felt that Neil was like a candle in the wind, even though it was so tiny and fragile, it flickered on and off, flickered and dimmed in the wind, but always desperately emitting a faint light to the surrounding, desperately trying to disperse the surrounding of darkness. The candle went out, but it dedicated all of itself to the pursuit of the bright road. It once emitted such a beautiful light, and that light still exists in the heart of the person who has experienced it, warming his life.
Neil was still alive, living in Todd's heart; there, there was always a place for Neil, not for anyone else, but for the Neil he loved so much.
(over)
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