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When I was young, I was timid and afraid of the dark. Whether it is an endless night road without street lights; or a corridor with mottled windows under the moonlight; Fortunately, I have brothers and sisters. They don't seem to be afraid of the dark. Whenever I have to face the dark, I just look at him with longing eyes and beg him with a pious tone, and they will always walk with me.
I take it for granted. Until a certain period of time, they were no longer willing to accompany me, but said to me: "You are so old, what's so scary, go by yourself." Should be afraid of the dark. Although I was young at that time, I also wanted to save face. Now that I have grown up, I will be brave. So I didn't ask them in face, but I was still very afraid of the darkness in my heart. So after the sun went down, I stayed in my room as much as possible. The city is fine, eating and drinking can be solved in the house. My grandma's house is in the countryside, the dry toilet is outside the house, and the road is quite long. If my brother doesn't accompany me, I will never go there. What should I do in an emergency? bear with it. Wait for the adults to go, and then follow him in small steps as if nothing happened, pretending to be "what a coincidence, I'll go too". Later, I found that it was very uncomfortable to endure it, so I simply drank less water at night.
You can hide on the road at night, in the corridor, etc., but if it's a big deal, you won't go, but after all, you can't hide when you sleep alone. In the first few days, after I turned off the lights and closed my eyes, a lot of tangible and intangible fears came up: some were scenes from Conan, some were fantasy monsters hiding in the room, and some were abstract and scattered. Fragment of fear. Frightened intolerably, he opened his eyes, but there was nothing, only the outlines of tables and chairs in the dark. Calm down for a moment, close my eyes again, and those fears resurface, and I have to order my brain to think of funny things, like Crayon Shin-chan's thick eyebrows and wiggling ass, Team Rocket's "That's it, meow~" in Pokémon . After a while, Crayon Shin-chan and the others weakened a little, and the idea of fear came in, and I once again ordered my brain to think about cartoons... The two thoughts just fought in my mind until a few rounds, After he was all tired, he didn't think about anything in his head, and fell asleep with a trace of exhaustion.
Thoughts may also have antibodies. After a few days of tossing, as long as there is a slight fear of thought before going to bed, Crayon Shin-chan brought a group of animated characters to occupy the high ground. Gradually, those tangible and intangible fears also disappeared. Later, those night roads and corridors gradually became less scary after taking the first step with gritted teeth one day. Now think about it, starting from a certain day many years ago, when I was able to face the darkness calmly, I really grew up.
Unlike many anniversaries, this overcoming of fear is gradual and non-ceremonial, so that at the time I didn't realize that I had grown up, and I didn't think about it until I watched the movie "The Clown Returns" (2017). this experience. Based on Stephen King's 1986 novel and directed by Tommy Lee Wallace, it's a terrifying but not all horror horror film. There are many elements in the film: horror, fear, youth, family, school violence, team... What resonates most with me is that children see fear, from fright to escape to facing the process of overcoming their inner demons : When they saw the screams and shouts when they were afraid, they retreated and compromised when they couldn’t defeat the fear, and finally they fought hard with the clown, just like me who was afraid of the dark when I was a child. The ingenious conception of the film allows many elements to be mixed together without being abrupt, and it seems that it can resonate with all kinds of people.
Probably everyone has this or that kind of fear. Maybe my brother and sister were too afraid of the dark when they were young, but I just got over it one step ahead.
2017.11.6 in Shanghai
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