Traditional Chinese education advocates forbearance and restraint, which often label the exposure of emotions as "negative". It seems that as long as you cry, you are not strong enough. When we are in sadness and grief, the most common thing we hear is "Don't cry! It's no big deal", but it's rare to ask "Why are you sad?" and respect your sadness. Gradually, we will begin to develop a state of escape from our own emotions, and diverting attention or continuing to endure are two of the most common and most commonly used methods to relieve "emotions". But whether we deal with it or not, the bad emotions are still there, and they never leave us.
Furthermore, the high development of socialization pursues people to become a mechanical cog of society, which greatly blurs the existence of individuals. In the process of pursuing the Great Harmony, few people try to understand the special needs of others as special beings that belong to individuals. When faced with other people's emotions, we naturally provide advice based on our own experience, and take "how strong I am when I experience these things, how can I not be sad" as the reasoning logic that runs through the arguments and conclusions. But as I mentioned before, we actually know very little about our own emotions, but we have begun to be good teachers, using our own failed experiences to try to create another person similar to ourselves.
In the evaluation of emotional intelligence, self-awareness and empathy are two very important criteria.
Regarding the topic of emotions, I think that self-knowledge first requires us to learn to accept our emotions, learn to calm down and get along with ourselves, and listen to our own needs. Negative emotions are not something to be ashamed of, and grief is a right. Only by correctly understanding why we have such emotions can we effectively find out how to solve them. On this basis, "empathy" requires us to feel the needs of others and meet their psychological demands.
Therefore, the next time you face emotions, you might as well sit down and ask why; when facing other people's emotions, before giving pointers, learn to listen first.
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