After watching "Good Will Hunter", I was deeply moved, and I also revisited myself.
The protagonist Will in the movie is a talented boy, but he has a side that he does not want to be discovered by others, then his heart, Will's heart is very fragile, he is afraid, worried, afraid and thinks that his relatives are Unreliable, because relatives will abandon him. Following the plot, it turns out that Will when he was a child lived under the shadow of domestic violence. Sometimes, he didn't even know what he did wrong? But the adults will always fight him, which is actually very pitiful. Living in the busy concrete jungle, we are always under a huge deformation pressure, and when we want to express the pressure, we always find those punching bags weaker than ourselves to release the pressure, but they do not really What did they do wrong? Bullying them is just because they are not willing to be bullied. Recently, on social news, we always see children being abused, beaten and seriously injured or killed by their parents. During the news, I felt very angry, why these adults couldn't control their emotions, and even had the heart to vent their anger with their own flesh and blood, and regretted it only when the children were hurt "the biggest" and "the most serious". How ridiculous!
When I was young, I once went to the hospital to see a doctor. While waiting for the medicine, the tense sound of an ambulance came from far and near. The bloody child, his terrified huge cry made my heart extremely anxious, and then I saw many people hugging a drunken father, constantly persuading him "That's your son! That's your son!" However, the drunk father couldn't sober up. At that time, I was very worried about the life and death of the little boy, even scared. I didn't know the reason for the injury of the child, but when I saw the wine When I was drunk with my father's attitude, I was very angry. Why did this father only focus on numbing himself in real life, and the child's life couldn't bring back his reason. Life after sobering up is painful, but the passing of life is painful. It was a great mourning, and nothing could be saved.
A few months ago, my mother told me that my sister's children were locked in the "toilet", and I was even more angry on the other end of the phone. Why? I actually love my sister's children very much. My mother told me that when my sister-in-law didn't behave well, my sister's father-in-law would lock them in the toilet. When my little niece was under a year old, she would Already started being locked in the toilet just because she kept crying. On the same day, I sent a letter to my sister, and told her euphemistically that it is very dangerous to keep children in the toilet. There are a lot of cleaning supplies in the toilet. . The child is a sweetheart, and it is to love her, not to let her endure loneliness and loneliness. When educating her, you should tell her what is wrong? Instead of refusing to give her "love" for no reason. Of course, now I will ask my mother and sister every now and then, are the children good or not? Is there anything I'm doing wrong? However, after all, I can't look at the child comprehensively. I can only keep telling my sister to protect the child well. As a mother, even if the other party is her father-in-law, you must stand up to defend the child. Even if you teach the child, you can't let it be Children are hurt! Deep love, responsibility does not have to be cut; responsibility cut, love must be deep.
Going back to the protagonist of the movie, I saw Will at the beginning. He is inferior, lonely, and needs to be loved. He shut himself in a room full of books and read books, and found him from the books. However, the book does not talk to him, does not respond to him, so he is still lonely, sometimes, we will need someone to talk to us who will respond, so that we can We will feel that we are not lonely in our hearts, for example, if we are broken up and abandoned, when we pour out our thoughts to our friends, and if the friend will answer us: "I have been abandoned too." Then we will feel that there are People with the same experience can better understand our current depressed mood. Of course, there are many books on the market that comfort people with broken love, but books are different from people. Books will not interact with us. The truth, we sometimes still can not really experience or comprehend.
Then again, I think the primary goal of the coaching process in the film is to make Will have the courage to try and be ambitious about his purpose in life, and to make Will open up and learn how to trust others.
At the beginning of the film, the protagonist is sitting in a book city. The light in the study is dim, and the protagonist is surrounded by books. He has contact with books in art, literature, history, etc. The first time he met the heroine in the bar, he showed off his vast knowledge, he spoke well, and when he met all the psychiatrists, he quoted himself from books He even used this theory to reject psychotherapy. When Will and Sean first met, they used Sean's paintings to say that Sean didn't love his wife, and made Sean feel that Will was insulting him. In the end, Sean was very angry and kicked Will out of his laboratory. None of us can really understand the pain of Sean's loss of his wife.
Maybe Will said most of Sean's true feelings, such as Sean did need a harbour for him to moor, but he still loved his wife, so the next time they met, Sean told Will, "Ask about love and you'll quote sonnets, but you Never saw the fragility of a woman, knew she could knock you down with her eyes, felt that God sent an angel to earth for you, she could rescue you from hell. You don't understand what it's like to be an angel, you don't understand the real loss. Only You have to love others better than yourself, and I doubt you would dare to love others like that.” Because he was afraid of being abandoned, Will was afraid that others would know his true feelings, but Sean encouraged Will to have the courage to try, don’t be afraid fail.
In the end, Will also began to interview for his job, and to pursue the happiness he once let go. At the end of the movie, Will is no longer surrounded by cold books, but drives his car on a bright and open road. on the main road. He wants to "try" to pursue his own happiness.
Another primary goal is for Will to learn how to "trust" others. Trust is the key to breaking through the counselor's defenses. Because trusting the counselor, the counselee will tell the truth to the counselor. In fact, "trusting" others is difficult for many people. Many times, we always find excuses for our mistakes, deceive others, or are unwilling to "listen" to others. For example, I once I have heard a story about a little boy who heard a neighbor's cry for help at the back of his yard. He tried to tell his father and the neighbor's family, but no one paid him any attention. The child's words were full of "nonsense". Later, the little boy also asked his father to accompany him to the backyard to see the truth, but he could not get approval. Later, a neighbor's child accompanied him to the backyard. Going to find out what the little boy said, and also confirmed that what the little boy said was correct, then the two did not give up and told the adults who didn't believe what they said at first. Later, everyone finally went to the backyard to find out the truth, and It is confirmed that what the children say is not a lie, why are they reluctant to believe what the children say in the first place? Why do many people always refuse to open their hearts to trusting others? The affairs of adults are also the affairs of children; the words of children should also be heard by adults. It is not difficult to believe in a person, but in such a complex society, our growth experience always tells us to try to defend ourselves and not to trust others easily. However, I think, whether as a teacher , parents or counselors, should respect the child, and listen to his inner words, do not use stereotypes or gossip to define the child from the beginning. Will was actually very reluctant to talk about himself at first, and even wanted to escape, but Sean waited patiently for him to talk, and said to him, "If you want, I can join." Sean gave Will a chance to reflect, Even forgiving Will's rudeness at the beginning, Sean knew that Will didn't trust people, and he was not very willing to share his inner world, so at the beginning he just kept changing the subject. , to cover up his inner panic, but the road is infinitely broad, love is endless tolerance, give the child the opportunity and tolerance, he can get out of the gloomy corner, and he can learn how to trust the people who really care about him.
Next, comparing the personality traits of the two teachers and the way they treat students, I think Rambo's needs are greater than Will. He always hopes to get something from Will, for example, can he know how to solve advanced math problems? Sean pays more attention to Will's needs, but many people think that their needs are more important. Rambo will arrange and make decisions for Will, while Sean will let Will make his own decisions and ask Will to follow his heart. Being able to make decisions by himself means that he is already independent and can do what he wants. I am responsible for everything I do. If I follow other people's decisions, I will not be responsible for my own life. Here, let me talk about myself. From childhood to adulthood, I have made many important decisions in my life, and my family is not very likely to intervene. I, of course, my parents will give me advice in a timely manner, but sometimes on the road of confusion in life, I always hope that there will be someone leading me in front, I think my dependence is too heavy! But being able to make decisions by myself means that I have to be responsible for myself. Before, I heard from a friend that there was a female student, her parents would arrange her life and future experiences from childhood to adulthood, and when she was admitted to university , When her parents decided not to help her plan her future life, she suddenly went crazy, she didn't know how to live in life, I think she was very pitiful, she couldn't live for her own ideals, she could only live for others I work hard for my dream, although I will get lost when I make a decision and I don’t know what to do, but life is my own, everyone has his own life process, and his own spark of life, living for himself, life will be more exciting.
In addition, Will in the film has some "irrational beliefs", he believes: Before others abandon me, I have to abandon others. In this way, he will never be abandoned, he believes that people cannot be easily trusted, that everything has a beginning, and that it will fail. He believes that knowledge is everything, so Will only be friends with books, these are not suitable for Routine, not very rational thinking. However, this is what he felt when he grew up. He suffered domestic violence since he was a child, and he was a child who was rejected by his relatives. He thought that everyone did not love him and abandoned him. He was very vulnerable. , Because of these irrational beliefs, he is unwilling to tell his girlfriend that he loves her, even though his heart is also torn apart. At the same time, he has to overcome the obstacles. He is defensive and avoids crowds. He only wants to be with books. Will desperately needs to be loved. However, it is not easy for medicine to heal his wounded heart. At first, Rambo invited some so-called experts from outsiders to treat Will with his professional vision. To the first psychiatrist, Will pretended to be submissive, cooperative, and talkative to make the counselor think he was in a situation, and then Will again angered the counselor with inappropriate remarks. The second time Rambo invited a professional hypnotherapist, Will first pretended to be hypnotized and started free association, misleading the counselor, and then talking nonsense, making the counselor overwhelmed. It was not until the appearance of Sean that Will really opened his heart. Sean replaced all counseling skills with his concern. When Sean met Will for the first time, Sean asked to clear the scene and let Will feel With the security of privacy, Sean continued to discuss with Will according to the topics he was interested in, and he imitated him when he spoke, so that Will did not feel that he was a psychotherapist, but a friend to chat with him. , and attempted to establish a relationship between the two. The second time they met by the beautiful and warm lake to talk, although the first meeting ended very unpleasantly, Sean was still willing to give Will a chance to tell. He told Will that there are many books in the book. He can't see Will's intelligence and self-confidence, but only sees his frightened arrogance. As long as Will is willing to open his heart, he can join at any time. Sean respects Will. He hopes that Will can cooperate with him to solve problems together. Cooperation means equality, mutual tolerance and acceptance, and it is necessary to participate actively together. It is useless if only one-sided positiveness is used, so Sean wants Will to work with him. At the same time, Sean also shared his pain of losing his wife, his inner fragility and fear. Sean shared his secrets, and hoped that Will would try to speak and admit his inner fears.
When they met for the third time, both of them kept silent. Sean respected Will's right not to speak. After all, it was not easy to break through one's heart defense all of a sudden, but silence did not mean no, silence forced. Will thinks about what has to be done to change the status quo and let Will try to face his own problems. At the fourth meeting, although he remained silent at the beginning, Will finally broke the silence and was willing to speak. Sean began to guide Will, and told Will that his problem was that he didn't want to have an intimate relationship with others. Because he was afraid that others would recognize everything about him. When we met for the fifth time, Sean first talked about the process of falling in love with his wife, as well as the imperfection of his wife. Sean revealed himself, expressing his sincerity and openness, and enhancing the intimacy with Will. Sean said, "There is no perfect person, but we can find someone who matches us." Yes! People will always pursue perfection and hope that their dreams will never be disillusioned. However, people are not perfect. If you refuse to accept others because you are afraid of disillusionment, then a lot of happiness will be missed by us. such a pity!
On the sixth meeting, Sean asked Will, "What do you want?" Will couldn't answer such a simple question, and we often spent so much time dealing with questions along the way that we forgot why we wanted to Going this route, the results are vague about what really matters. Sean asked Will again, "Where is your soul friend?" Sean didn't want Will to change his whole life. He hoped Will not to rationalize his self-indulgent depravity. He wanted Will to face his true self. , In the end, Sean drove Will away angrily, and he asked Will to take responsibility for himself instead of blindly escaping. Sean believes that clients also have the ability to solve their own problems. Counseling is not about making decisions for the client, but to help the client see his own problems, understand all his own resources, and assist him in self-choice, self-determination and self-responsibility.
On the seventh meeting, Will saw the two teachers arguing for some reason. After Rumble left, Sean kept saying to Will, "It's not your fault!" (It's not your fault!) I was so moved by the words that made Will cry uncontrollably, Adler said, "No child is hopeless unless you tell him: 'You failed, you are a failure.'" Yes Sometimes adults will put mistakes on children and let them take the blame, but children are innocent, because since childhood, adults put mistakes on Will, and over time, children will be affected and As for not thinking carefully before doing anything, no matter what I do, it's not right, why should I care? We can't forgive a person because he didn't sin, we can only forgive him after we've established that he's guilty. A child's heart is very fragile and needs to be protected. Sometimes, touching a child's head, a look of approval is better than beating and scolding. If a child does not lie, he must tolerate his honesty after lying; The best way to not make mistakes is to forgive him for his mistakes. And traumatized children should also open their hearts to feel the love around them, instead of blindly rejecting the sincere care of others.
In the last interview, Sean and Will talked as if they had been friends for many years. Will has discovered that he has the need and right to think, choose, and make decisions. He is no longer limited by his childhood frustrations. Pick up self-worth. And Sean also asked Will again: "Is that what you want?", which made Will's determination stronger. When Will regained his self-worth, the two reluctantly ended the consultation. Sean is Will's soul catcher, and he entered Will's inner world. He helped Will get out of his closed self, and let him have the courage to face life and be responsible for himself.
I think this consultation was a success. Sean treated Will with empathy and sincerity, and encouraged the children to try and face their own problems. In the end, Will drove his car and went after him. own happiness. He is no longer afraid of being abandoned by others, he believes in those he loves. In the process of our growth, we will inevitably encounter many setbacks, but I will choose to face the difficulties bravely. My optimism is because there is no escape, because since it has all happened, why not be more positive and optimistic Face it with your heart, there is hope everywhere in life.
Finally, I end with Jackson Brown's words: "Life doesn't ask us to be the best, it just asks us to do our best." It's inevitable that life will be hurt, and there will be dark and cloudy days, but we still have to go our own way. Road, do your best to let yourself live harder and live the beauty of life.
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