"Gorgeously and purely squeezes the uninhibited pleasure of childish mischief out of film"

Col. Hans Landa: So when the military history of this night is written, it will be recorded that I was part of Operation Kino from the very beginning as a double agent. Anything I've done in my guise as an SS Colonel was sanctioned by the OSS as a necessary evil to establish my cover with the Germans and it was my placement of Lieutenant Raine's dynamite in Hitler and Goebbels' opera box that assured their demise. By the way, that last part's actually true. I want my full military pension and benefits under my proper rank. I want to receive the Congressional Medal of Honor for my invaluable assistance in the toppling of the Third Reich. In fact, I want all the members of Operation Kino to receive the Congressional Medal of Honor. Full citizenship for myself - Well, that goes without saying. And I would like the United States of America to purchase property for me on Nantucket Island as a reward for all the countless lives I've saved by bringing the tyranny of the National Socialist party to a swifter-than-imagined end. Do you have all that, sir?

[pause]

Col. Hans Landa: I look forward to seeing you face to face as well, sir.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Now, before we yank that slug out you, you need to answer a few questions.

Bridget von Hammersmark: Few questions about what?

Lt. Aldo Raine: About I got three men dead back there. Why don't you try telling us what the fuck happened?

Bridget von Hammersmark: The British officer blew his German act and the Gestapo major saw it.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Before we get into who shot John, why'd you invite my men to a rendezvous in a basement with a bunch of Nazis?

Bridget von Hammersmark: I can see since you didn't see what happened inside, that the Nazis being there must look odd.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, we got a word for that kind of odd in English. It's called "suspicious".

[He digs his fingers into her bullet wound. She gasps with pain]

Bridget von Hammersmark: Everybody needs to calm down! You're letting your imagination get the better of you!

[He digs deeper and she exclaims]

Bridget von Hammersmark: You met the sergeant yourself! Willi! You remember him, don't you?

Lt. Aldo Raine: Yeah, I remember him.

Bridget von Hammersmark: His wife had a baby tonight. He had just become a-

[She screams]

Bridget von Hammersmark: He had just become a father! His commanding officer gave him and his mates the night off to celebrate.

[She groans and convulses]

Bridget von Hammersmark: The Germans being there was either a trap set by me or a tragic coincidence. It couldn't be both.

[He takes his finger out. She gasps]

Lt. Aldo Raine: How'd the shooting start?

Bridget von Hammersmark: The Englishman gave himself away.

Lt. Aldo Raine: How'd he do that?

Bridget von Hammersmark: He ordered three glasses.

[She holds up her fore, middle, and ring fingers]

Bridget von Hammersmark: We order three glasses.

[She uses her thumb, fore, and middle fingers]

Bridget von Hammersmark: That's the German three. The other looks odd. Germans would and did notice it.

Lt. Aldo Raine: Okay, let's pretend there were no Germans and everything went exactly the way it was supposed to. What was the next step?

Bridget von Hammersmark: Tuxedos. To get them into the premiere wearing military uniforms with all the military there would've been suicide. But going as members of the German film industry, they wear tuxedos and fit in with everybody else. I arranged for the tailor to fit three tuxedos tonight.

Lt. Aldo Raine: How'd you intend to get them in that premiere.

Bridget von Hammersmark: Hand me my purse. Lieutenant Hicox was going as my escort. The other two were going as a German cameraman and his assistant.

Lt. Aldo Raine: You still get us in that premiere?

Bridget von Hammersmark: You speak German better than your friends? No. Have I been shot? Yes! I don't see me tripping the light fantastique up a red carpet anytime soon! Least of all, by tomorrow night.