Recently, this feeling has become more and more intense. Maybe one day, I will disappear into this world. Maybe I will go to heaven, maybe the western bliss, maybe another planet in the vast universe, maybe I will be reborn in the womb of an unknown animal. Among them, perhaps free from the shackles of the body, the soul is free between all things, heaven and earth.
Humans know where they came from, but not where they are going.
In the middle of the night when the curtain is low, I often wake up suddenly in my deep sleep, open my eyes in a daze, and look at this world, which is completely silent.
After the operation, the night vision ability also dropped sharply, the room was empty and dark, and the big closet beside him could no longer be seen clearly, but the outline like a mountain stood beside him. In the middle of the night, he could hear the thin and deep breathing, and the occasional galloping outside the window. And passing vehicles, with the sound of air movement.
At this time, the sense of loneliness will come up like a tide, lurking under the bed, in the cabinet, from the crack of the door, from the gap of the window, quietly spreading to the side.
Loneliness has nothing to do with anyone, it is just an innate instinct, everyone comes to this world alone, nothing can accompany you, and nothing can accompany you.
I watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin" last night, a 3-hour film, which tells the story of a lifetime.
After reading it, I feel very sad, I can only choose a life, a life baptized by years, an elusive fate, and a body that ages with time, everyone can't escape, "You can be like a mad dog. Injustice, you can curse fate...but at the last minute...you have to let it go peacefully."
I can't help but think of my half-life, chaos, and that's it.
I have achieved nothing in my studies and career, and I have no skills in my body; I
have no perseverance in doing things, and I have only read half of the books;
I don’t care about money, and money doesn’t care about me; I have
all the travel dreams on a whim, but I have nothing to do with it. Once time passes.
When I was a child, I was deeply cherished by the saying, "It is better for people to be responsible for me than for me to be responsible for others", but I never thought that when I grew up and looked back, I was still responsible for too many people, for decades of parenting, and for my childhood friends. The precious friendship of his, he has taken on a lot of love debts that cannot be repaid.
I hope you all forgive me, forgive me for the lonely nights I brought you one by one, forgive me for being young, ignorant, and rebellious, and forgive me for the pain I brought you one after another unintentionally.
Forgive me for being dizzy and inexplicably passing half of my life.
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