But train guessing is inevitable.
Trainspotting was the first film I watched on the day I marked it. In fact, I have heard this film since junior high school, even if the theme song perfect day has been heard since then, I have been thinking about it: I must watch it during the holidays, watch it after the middle school entrance examination, and watch it again in the second year of high school. In the end, I suddenly remembered it on such an ordinary afternoon today and finished it. It's like a doom. Every movie I watch has a doomed time, not a day I planned. That time met unexpectedly, but the mentality at that time must be most vaguely close to this movie.
This is all bullshit, just to explain why I watched Trainspotting today---I feel like a scum. (This is a bit serious, but that's what I thought last night.) After reading it, this feeling has eased a lot.
Last night, my one-year-old friend sternly asked me to take a good time to reflect on myself, I was ashamed, I nodded and was a little angry (I felt it was annoying when he told me about his past but he was so complacent, and he said that my photo with my roommate looked like Chickens are annoying too), but I totally agree with him.
I have always been standing next to the track and laughing at others for guessing trains, but I don't even know where to buy train tickets.
What low-cam punk psychedelic autonomous stream-of-consciousness narrative... fuck it, I wouldn't write that at all. I used to write film reviews and like to read excerpts everywhere. I collected these professional words and smashed them into my articles. It seems that I will be appreciated and praised by others. "How can you write like this!"
Not just writing stuff, I seem to have been doing this for years.
Train guessers have a high cost and deceive themselves more often than others; train guessers who laugh at trains are more expensive, and they have to put away their mocking face before they are qualified to deceive themselves.
When did I feel like I was different? At least when I learned about the movie and didn't watch it. I was very sleepy last night, but managed to hold on for two hours to think about these things. The two hours are limited, and I only think about the boys, men (or girls) who have had an intersection with each other. They were concentrated in my high school level, especially my sophomore year.
My first boyfriend was much older than me. At that time, I was only 15, but I took the initiative: I admired him very much. At that time, he was a mature, gentle and reliable adult in my heart. When I think about it, the first time we were really alone, he asked if I could rub my chest, and I nodded. Obviously I'm not disgusted, but I have to pretend after the event, 'I didn't expect you just wanted to do this kind of thing' and he was still very sad. 'I'm sorry, your purity was destroyed by me. 'Come on, I'm sick of typing this sentence now. But I'm not clear myself: I asked him a few days if I could give him a bite, and he gladly obliged--and this old drama is on again. It can be explained as a girl's curiosity about sex. This component is there, but if other girls are touched, they should call the police, how can they pretend to be innocent like me.
'I want to have sex with an adult, so that I feel like an adult too. ''To feel different in this way' is a friend's comment. I think it is pertinent, so I will not deny it and use it. Maybe Lin Yihan thinks the same way? In fact, she is also satisfied, but, for her reasons, she also pretends to be like me.
My second boyfriend is my classmate, the next class. It's also the only boy I only hate when I talk about it: the common school boy in novels, with excellent grades, good looks, and can play basketball. Forget it, I can't write anymore, anyway, everyone knows it. Ironically, it was me who took the initiative to tease this guy again. At that time, I hadn't broken up with my predecessor (that is, the man above). At that time, my ex was bald and out of shape, and I couldn't make out with him. I met the man in the library, and later in the private cinema (private movies are for students, I guess), in short, it was the first time for me and him, and it was a bad experience. This guy had another new love within a week, and I was so sad and humbled to death. Now it looks like I deserve it.
What I want to say is that there is no absolute victim, even I am my own perpetrator.
I dated 'male gods' to make myself look different; I dated 'male teachers' to look mature; I didn't reject 'successful men' to look as good as myself.
But you also found that the male gods did not regard me as a 'goddess'; 'men' did not regard me as an adult; 'successful men' would not think that I was a successful lady. On the contrary, it was my initiative that made them more aware that they are male gods, men and successful men.
There are also some men and women who haven't talked about it, but it's almost the same principle, no exceptions.
In the past, I always thought that I was annoyed by my relationship, and I was half right, because I didn't know what the other party was and what I was dating. Once I woke up a little and found that there was a deviation, it was very painful. Probably this is the reason why I get mad when I hear other people's criticism - I secretly accept that I am bad, but it is seen by others.
Once I start to feel ugly and dislike these people, it's actually time for me to reflect on myself.
Here I would like to quote a sentence from my diary yesterday:
People are attracted by what they have in common. This commonality is not necessarily a shared virtue. Mostly common despicableness.
Now I am alone in the bed curtain typing on the keyboard, I don't want to go out at all, and I don't want to contact anyone. This period of isolation should be another confessional for me. It's good to have bubble tea and watch a movie.
No mention of train guessing in the whole article XD
But I'm really talking about the trainspotting thing.
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