But I still want to write something. Because on the way, I heard that song again: The shape of my heart. Countless memories flooded into my heart with this song.
"Is life always this hard, or just when you're a kid?"
"...Always like this."
Because of this sentence and this protagonist, I have the only Soulmate. He is also called by this name. We are also struggling to survive in this world with a sensitive heart, and we sometimes feel lost and sometimes painful. Our conversations sometimes seem like conversations with ourselves, even like looking in a mirror. Just like Leon and his inexorable dependence and love for girls, I rely on and love him in a way that is definitely not love.
It was also because of him that I rewatched the movie. It's not the first time I've seen it, but I've never thought before how touching or deep it is. But this time around, it feels completely different. Even thinking of the two of Leon playing games in the room, Leon's face is helpless and has no answer, and tears will flow out. Some emotions cannot be understood at all times.
Then...the film just lay there. Later... when I thought of it again, it was because of another him, a close friend. Because of this he got drunk and told me that he always liked me. But I backed off.
When I was close to him, I could clearly feel everything he had, and even felt his youth, his powerlessness, his hesitation, and his desire to forget. At this time, a sentence suddenly popped into my mind: Sorry, but it is not the shape of my heart... Not everyone can be with everyone. Someone might be able to do it, but I can't. 'Cause that is not the shape of my heart.
Leon's life is doomed to be lonely because he has nothing to give to others, be it love or whatever. Even if you can really get a good night's sleep, it's a fleeting peace, and it's a pause between countless storms. He, powerless, no matter how powerful he is, he is destined to be unable to live quietly in a small room, happily drinking milk and playing games with her.
And this helplessness, this subtle way of love, the way of pain, is something I could never understand when I was young.
Do I really feel it now? I can't tell. But watching this movie breaks my heart. My heart aches because of two kids trying to do what they want in the world.
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