It is easy for me to see the selfishness, indifference, domineering, rudeness, contempt, and ridicule of others. Because of this, I am often in a state of struggle - "You have violated my personality, I cannot accept it", and my heart is mixed with anger, humiliation, and sadness, and when I think I should have suffered this, the sense of shame will arise spontaneously, and I am unable to refute it.
It is strange to say, but there are so many abusers in this world. Some people are domineering, and they always have to be a little taller in front of people, as if they were born with authority or noble birth; some people are not pleasing to the eye, and you will offend them if you are not careful; Just kidding, treating everyone as a circus clown, if you don’t laugh one by one, you feel like you’re wasting the tickets you paid for; also, you look like you’re refusing people thousands of miles away, and it’s annoying to say more than one word; Yes, use an abacus to measure your interests, but don't touch his sweetheart. I said that it is always unpleasant to go out for a trip. These people are hard to guard against.
I say this because I think in my heart that I tend to be abused. I thought that if I treated people politely, I would not suffer injustice, but in fact, I was often reasonable and the other party was unreasonable. And people still refuse to admit it, insisting that I am not. Now I can only quarrel, but arguing with people is not my forte. When I get angry, I tremble. I have no confidence, I have to hold on, or I will tremble. It's not my ability to argue with people. I often feel that something is wrong with me after being told a few words by the other party. However, "I'm justified." The other party slapped him even if he didn't recognize him. The grievances he was holding in his heart made him sad, he was useless! Thinking about it like this made me angry for a while and I couldn't let it go. This is what often happens when the other person is unreasonable. Under normal circumstances, I often hesitate between anger and non-anger, tolerance and intolerance, almost neurotic. Of course, when I choose to be patient, there will be more, but I am unwilling.
I didn't know how the outside world touched my heart, which made me care so much about my gains and losses, live like a fighter all day long, and defend my dignity with all my strength. It wasn't until I saw Agui in "Seventeen-Year-Old Bicycle," directed by Wang Xiaoshuai, that I could see it completely—that was a deep-rooted inferiority complex. Agui seems to be undoubtedly useless. Such honest people are still beaten and sometimes beaten to death. This kind of "wool" firmly grasped and stabbed my heart—isn't I sometimes like this? How frightened, how afraid I am to admit that I am so useless! I can strongly feel my unease from beginning to end while watching the movie. Yeah, that's it. The word "wrong" has been embedded in my bones since I was a child. Why do some people have to poke this scar out? Maybe I have only been ridiculed and instructed by the boss. I am weak and timid, and I have no opinion. I am far from being insulted like Agui, but my sensitive heart can’t bear it, especially for a person who is powerless to refute it. People can also be cruel—I was in elementary school at the time, and for a long time, that experience was what I gnashed and indignantly called shame.
Xiaojian also has low self-esteem. When he willingly lit a cigarette for his rival, and his previous majesty disappeared instantly, his low self-esteem was exposed. But his low self-esteem is not rooted in the fact that he thinks he is useless, he can fight against others, but in a poor family, a heart that wants to show off using material is inferior. Advanced mountain bikes, for Xiaojian, used to be an important external force supporting confidence. When his girlfriend was robbed and he took revenge on his rival alone, he completed the important ritual of self-affirmation in his heart. As a result, the external treasure lost its allure, and he firmly said to Agui: "This bike will be yours in the future, I don't need it anymore."
Agui competes for his bicycle at any cost, not out of vanity for material things, unlike Xiaojian. New to the city to make a living, Agui needs to prove his ability to relieve the anxiety of knowing nothing about the big city and being afraid of not being able to fit in. When he found a job recognized by his relatives and had a splendid bicycle that his relatives envied, Agui's heart was at ease, and his sense of accomplishment came from the steady work every day. Owning his bicycle has become the biggest confidence for Agui to live a stable life in the city, and it also shows that he is promising ("promising" occupies a considerable position in the cultural psychology of China's rural areas). But why does Agui want this better-than-average bike? Isn't this vanity? No, because this car is something he can earn with his real ability, and it represents his value. He also made a promise to the boss that he would get the lost bicycle back. The confirmation of his value requires the boss, an important witness. For a long time he needed to affirm himself with this bicycle—a “personal asset” that he would get from his first job (this affirmation satisfies his safety, social, and respectful needs, and also It refers directly to Maslow's "self-actualization needs" in the hierarchy of needs theory). In addition, he is stubborn by nature, and what he believes is necessary. Moreover, the ideal is about to be realized, but it is blocked by the sky, which is unacceptable. So he repeatedly told Xiao Qiang that this was his car, and he still did not change his words under the threat.
He also regards brand-name high-end bicycles as his greatest pride. One has a solid heart, while the other has an empty heart. Therefore, in the end, Xiaojian gave the bicycle to Agui, and Agui took the smashed and tattered bicycle home. And the director gave Agui the final appearance of the play with a sufficiently sacred, solemn, mighty, worship-like scene, sad but not hurt. Some people think that Agui is resisting the "transformed ideal" and continues to walk in the rolling tide of society. So, what kind of impact did Agui do on him? Or you can ask the other way around, what will happen to Agui if he keeps silent from the beginning to the end?
Of course, Agui has low self-esteem. He can't see his other strengths, and he won't find another way out. He has to compete with a bicycle. However, a stupid man has his way of living. He can't completely protect his "bike", but after losing it, he regained it all by himself. His stupidity made the boss willing to give him a new opportunity; his heart-wrenching cry, his obsession with wanting to be one with the bicycle, and unwilling to let go, shocked the group of people who like to solve problems with their fists, and later got arrogance His nemesis, Xiaojian, said hello. He wrapped an unyielding heart with a tragic appearance. Although he was stupid, he radiated a dazzling light to the lustful power around him. Of course, Agui, who is new to the world, still can't get out of his existing limitations. Sometimes he can only use his way to repay others. The director presents a three-dimensional and real Agui. Agui, who has suffered too much injustice, will probably continue to be so stupid, even if this "low emotional intelligence" approach will bring him a lot of trouble. I think there is something deeply moving about him that he doesn't want to lose, and the director doesn't want it to be lost, even if he doesn't realize it. What is that thing? I think it's his kind of honesty and sincerity that ignores the rampant demons and ghosts, does what he believes in, insists on safeguarding his legitimate interests, and insists on proving his value. Agui invisibly endorsed this sentence: How can the human heart be interfered with by human beings? However, such "spiritual leaders" always appear in oppressive and unfair environments. Yes, I guess the director gave Agui such a mission. And the director also gave a beautiful hope to society in progress - to let the society have "sympathy", and to benefit the disadvantaged groups who desperately resist.
Writing here, my inner wound seems to have received some treatment... I also really want to use my obsession to impress the people around me, that will be a freedom to insist on being who I am. The pleasure brought by it will not be let down by hard work.
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