She only paused for a moment, and then replied generously: "Because, I fell in love with someone," with a usual smile on the corner of her mouth, although the smile was a little bitter in order to maintain her stubbornness.
At this moment, I finally fell in love with this heroine who kept changing herself in the name of love. Time passes like running water, the perversion and sensitivity of adolescence lose its traces like fine sand, and the clean core always sinks in the bottom of the water, like pebbles, the running water can only wash it more and more shiny.
The ugly duckling turns into a white swan, and Cinderella turns into a princess. Girls never tire of such fairy tales, because there is an ugly woman in everyone's heart. This ugly girl wears braces, combs her bangs, and wears gold-rimmed glasses without a pattern. She is often troubled by the acne on her face. One day, I will be able to become a modern girl, wearing a well-cut black dress and 10 cm high heels, looking back and smiling, the man who passed by was grabbed by his girlfriend's ear and scolded by his girlfriend for looking twice. , Allure is always Hongyan's fault.
Get taller, thinner, and more beautiful.
Be beautiful, be good, be great.
Every girl expects that the phrase "Eighteen Changes in Women's University" is true, because if so, the questions that have been turning around in their hearts may be answered in the affirmative.
"Will he happen to like me too?" It
takes courage to re-examine one's own youth. I was also an ugly duckling, fantasizing that one day my long hair could be braided and draped over the windowsill to save the prince, so I stubbornly kept my long hair long, at the cost of having to wash it every other day, otherwise I would be too greasy to go out. Later, it was changed to cleaning the bangs every other day, but because someone asked, "Did you just go out after washing your hair?" and had to go back to wash your hair again.
Hormone secretion is accompanied by an endless stream of events, which calms the acne, ushered in dandruff, has not yet filled the pits on the face, and has to go to the hospital for the unsatisfactory teeth. I also hope to have bright eyes and bright teeth, but I am short-sighted after graduating from elementary school. The most annoying thing is the ignorant first love, liking someone for no reason. Hoping to meet him at the corner and alley, the two walked side by side for a while, and decided to find a flowering tree and sit down and chat. In the imaginary picture, he is naturally taller and more handsome than in reality, his eyes are softer and brighter, and my skin is smooth and transparent without those annoying acne. God, if you can make this even better, please give us a white shirt uniform from the academy comics.
In reality, I was waiting in front of the guitar shop on the corner of the street, and I heard a boy inside talking very much like him, so I held my breath and leaned against the pillar at the door. It is no exaggeration to say that all other voices in the world disappeared. . But I can't think of any possible dialogue in my head. Then, the car came. I never saw him again on the street corner.
When I was in high school, I watched Gigi Leung and Takeshi Kaneshiro's "Heartbeat". His name was Hao Jun and her name was Xiao Rou. Xiaorou was wrapped in Haojun's coat, and the two kept changing to the evening bus until dawn. Xiaorou said, "This is the first time I've watched the dawn with someone. I wonder if marriage is like this." The reason why I can still clearly remember this sentence is because I was shocked at the time, so I put my impression on me. The profound lines are copied stroke by stroke in the secret excerpts (I have two excerpts, one is a utilitarian excerpt, which provides material for the college entrance examination composition; the other is a secret excerpt, which is full of literary and artistic youth-style poems. song). Later, I also wrote an article called "Love when I was young", which recorded the stories of me and my friends who thought they were thrilling but were destined to stay in my heart forever.
In it, I said: "Why does all love start with a smile and end with tears, and no one is spared?" Actually, I didn't really understand love at that time, and most of those feelings were for the sake of new words. Now I can't remember the faces of the boys I liked, but I clearly remember myself in the story. Finally, I tried my best to leave my hair over my shoulders, picked up a bunch, and tied a light blue ribbon. Taking off his glasses, trying to get used to the new clear Bausch & Lomb, hopefully so he can notice himself.
Deliberately stepped on the dot to go to school, hoping to accidentally meet him who is also prone to being late. Most of the classmates have already arrived in the classroom, so we can step on the bell and walk through the deserted playground together, without worrying about gossip and small adventures It also made the two have a tacit understanding of a desperate mandarin duck.
Look through the books he sent, looking for letters, small notes or sketches of characters that may be tucked inside. After ruling out these possibilities, I started to study the possible passwords of his birthday combination and mine, and maybe there might be some hints of love hidden in the corresponding pages.
Asking for the pen fairy, for the dish fairy, for the unreliable constellation divination in literary magazines; hide the tarot card under the pillow, tie the tissue into strips, hide the hair in the hand-woven cross and wait for the opportunity to give it to him, just hope Which one touched God, please let him also like me by the way.
For him, I want to become Maorilan, Kurokawa Chihua; for him, I want to become Quan, and I also want to become Mingjing at the same time. As a result, he was wholeheartedly and cautiously secretly in love for several years, and he almost became a famous detective Conan.
Why not speak up? Why don't you tell him? Why not talk about a vigorous love, and be willing to chew thoughts in a dark room? If she throws such a question to her fifteen-year-old self, she will be overwhelmed and unable to answer.
Maybe it is because of inferiority. The tall, thin, yellow-haired girl often hunches her back unconsciously because of her long hands and feet, and does not expect to get attention from others; maybe it is because of the college entrance examination, thousands of troops are waiting to cross the single-plank bridge. I can get confused because of personal feelings, and all the puppy love complexes can be discussed later; maybe because of self-esteem, seeing him, the girl's heart becomes very low, low to the dust, but I hope that he will personally Tell her, let her bloom from the dust.
And yesterday, when I was 24 years old, I read Haruki Murakami's "1Q84" and suddenly understood how to answer these questions.
Facing his father who was suffering from Alzheimer's and kept silent, Tengo recalled his dark childhood and adolescence, and in order to break through the stubborn spells that trapped his life, he suddenly burst out: "I'm tired of not being able to love anyone. I can't even love myself. Why can't I love myself? It's because I can't love others. One needs to love someone and be loved by someone and learn to love themselves through those."
"You know what I mean? People who can't love others can't love themselves properly." Tengo said to his father, and to my fifteen-year-old self.
Because of loving without utilitarianism, I have gained a certain kind of pious belief; because of single-minded love, I have learned persistence and perseverance; because of silent love, I have learned to listen to the flow of the river of life quietly.
"Although the ending is a bit sad, I finally understand that he is like the inspiration in my life, let me understand the positive meaning of love, he is like the driving force that keeps me moving forward, so that I can have today's results." After telling himself The story of the beautiful fashion designer smiled, not without melancholy, but still full of stubbornness between his brows. If the film stopped abruptly here, I would think it would be perfect. It's a pity that the director arranged a happy ending, which will never let the prince and princess miss it with regret.
In contrast, "Heartbeat", which I watched ten years ago, has a kind of incomplete perfection. At that time, I couldn't understand Zhang Aijia's good intentions, and now I finally understand.
After decades, Xiaorou Haojun met again. Xiaorou has become a famous fashion designer (wonderful, both heroines are designers, I wonder if they will become competitors), and Haojun goes to the airport to pick her up on behalf of the company. In the past few decades, Haojun threw a ring in the clear water in front of Xiaorou and said, "If you agree to my marriage proposal, then drink this glass of water." In the
end, the water was not less than a drop, and it was still inside. Carrying a ring. Xiaorou opened the box Haojun gave her on the plane. The box was full of photos of the sky taken on the roof around the corner of her house. Different times and seasons, just like that. At this time, Qianqian chanted, accompanied by Haojun's monologue: "This is the day I miss you, I will give you all of them."
At this time, Xiaorou will definitely cry, and I will definitely cry when I am fifteen years old. When I cry in a mess, I have to ask: "Why can't people who love each other so much be together?"
And at the age of 24, I know that I can't drink water at the age of 35. It's not because I'm worried that there will be bacteria in the water, nor is it I was worried that the ring would become Liu Qian's prop, but the person in front of him and himself had already run too fast and went to another world.
In this world, there is no chance to touch your fingers and make your heart skip a beat, no sharing a MUJI song that makes your face red, no 15-year-old ugly duckling who goes to great lengths to bleach himself, no teenage boy chasing a bus who gets angry at the next stop Gasping for the bus, he said, "Forgot to say, safe journey."
In this world, all the people I've loved and the people I've loved are just silhouettes, sometimes nostalgic lights make their shadows darker, but most of the time Just an almost transparent grey. But thanks to them, I've learned to love, to love myself better, and the people I love now.
At the moment of writing, the cat has been curling up in front of me and the computer to sleep, curled up into a beautiful ball. When I got up, it became aware of it, raised its head, and stretched.
I turned off the lights, and in the dark my cat and I looked at each other silently, as if asking me: "Why am I here? Why are you here?"
Because of love, we are in this given world and moving forward .
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