Rue, you coward.
I thought so when Rue abandoned Jules and left the platform alone.
Ten years later, she won't remember you at all.
But when Rue came home and couldn't look at the walls and ceiling and took a bit of powder, I felt that that was me, that was us, the lives of ordinary people.
In reality, it is impossible for anyone to have such a wonderful life. It will not be a mess forever, but our ordinary life is like a swamp, like a river with no end and no edge, every time we surface, we find ourselves still in the water. I can't get rid of it, and go back and forth. Even if I sometimes fall into a tributary, a depression, or a water vortex, but when I look up, the river still follows us, flooding our bodies, and never leaves.
Rue can't get rid of the river, and will never get rid of it. This is why she has turned herself into a pile of waste mud. Every time I see her, she seems to have just struggled out of the water, in a panic, always wet and dirty, sinking deeply into the mud bed, desperate and struggling, but unable to do anything.
Jules is the new thing she loves. Not the first (maybe), not the last.
Rue will encounter a force that pulls upwards, and then will be thrown into the quagmire one after another.
She can't get rid of, can't get rid of this fucking life, and can't convince herself that she hates.
But this is the posture we live in. This is the norm, this is not something to be fussed about, this is the root of our collapse again and again, but it is mediocre and eternal.
I watched Rue cry so hard, helpless and painful, crying lost and regretful, crying so hard that she probably had countless moments of such self-deprecation. She is a coward, she wants to break free, she can't break free, she still It's better to die.
But Rue, the moment you reverted to your previous life in the rainy night, I have no intention of blaming you.
Because I know that is my attitude all the time. I know it's not easy.
When Rue walked out of the room wearing her father's coat, she was deeply nicked by this experience for the rest of her life.
I can't see anything in her eyes. In the warm yellow light, she stared at something. The lights covering her and her gaze, that's all.
Rue and Jules were sitting on the doorstep amidst the shaking of light and shadow. The only meaningful thing I saw was the moment.
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