Ah He, I understand you.
The first time I watched this movie, I didn’t understand Ah He jumping off the building. There were not many scenes that directly portrayed Ah He. Most of them were Ah He from the perspective of others: sensible, good at learning, sunny , considerate, without faults. Why would such A He commit suicide by jumping off a building? At that time, I was thinking of a sentence that A He said in it, which generally means that everyone has their own shadow and can hide. But Ah He did not, because the sun had no shadow, and he had nowhere to hide. In everyone's eyes, Ah He is the sun, warm and bright. There is nowhere to hide, he is too tired, he wants to leave, maybe death is the only way to hide in the end.
Last night, I had a big fight with my family. I went out, it was cold. To be honest, I feel a little different about myself over the past six months. Sometimes when I listen to a song I don't know why I cry, and occasionally I think about how to die without too much pain. I cried for a long time last night, and I nestled in the hay under the tree in our Taoyuan. I was tired from crying, and I thought of Ah He. Like him, I am a good boy in the eyes of others. Although it is too narcissistic to say that I am the sun, but sometimes I want to find a shadowy place to hide, but I can't find it. A good boy is not allowed to be ignorant. Ignorance is the umbrella of bad boys and the epitaph of good boys.
I understand you, Ah He.
I was sitting by the lake this morning, listening to a song called "Escape", and looking at the lake, I was thinking, would it be very painful to go down step by step, to the deepest part, and then slowly die. It should be, so I didn't go on, because I wasn't brave enough, and although I felt that everything was boring, I didn't dare to leave.
Hope to be braver next time.
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