Lack of Love Destroys Your Life - A Psychological Analysis of "The Life of a Disgusted Pine Nut" Isn't it what she deserves to hate? Seeing the second half of the episode made me cry like an idiot... It is true that I don't agree with Matsuko's three views and the life she chooses, but I understand and understand the reasons for Matsuko's tragic life, the psychological motives behind her heroic and tragic or mindless actions, and the formation of these What are the reasons for psychological motivation. This also drives me to write something, because the original cause of the pine nut-dependent personality defect is not far from our real life, it may happen in every family, and most people may encounter things in childhood. - Parental eccentricity and indifference. [Eccentricity and indifference to children's harm] The story goes back to the beginning, the childhood of Matsuko. Because there is a sickly younger sister in the family, the parents naturally love the younger sister more. But Matsuko is also an ignorant little girl the size of a cherry ball. She also longs for parental care. In her subconscious, her sister is a competitor with her for parental favor. But at this time, Matsuko's father did not guide Xiao Matsuko to establish a sense of humility and love for the weak as a sister, but blindly favored his sister indifferent Matsuko. Eccentric to what extent? All the care and love are only reserved for the younger sister, and the gift is only given to the younger sister without Matsuko's share. Even Matsuko shared the love experience with her sister, and was scolded by her father for not taking care of her sister's feelings. Compared with her noble sister, Matsuko began to feel inferior and inferior, and she did not hesitate to make faces in order to see her father's rare smile. Some people may disagree, it's not surprising that a child just makes a face just for fun. But I feel sad, ordinary girls like to be beautiful, who would deliberately uglify their expressions like that? Even when taking pictures? It's not that Songzi doesn't have an aesthetic sense, but that in her subconscious, she is insignificant, and pleasing her father is the top priority. Therefore, we see this ugly expression, which is rare in ordinary girls, almost throughout Matsuko's childhood, adolescence, and even the early work after graduation. And she subconsciously pleases her father in exchange for a harmonious family atmosphere. After work, she becomes pleasing the people around her and saves trouble. This is the most fundamental motive behind her foolish behavior, such as lying for the money-stealing students, and being forced by the school leaders to peep at her breasts and molest her. Some people may express disbelief, how can pleasing parents turn into compromises with no bottom line? Pine nuts are of course an extreme example. Let’s talk about two less extreme examples in real life. Both are boys from Jiangsu and Zhejiang. They are equally bad at rejecting. Discord (divorce), in order to appease the mother (get alimony from the mother), one learns to be observant and coaxes women from an early age, and the other has a low emotional intelligence but the subconsciousness of pleasing the mother has been retained for a long time. After college, she became pleasing her girlfriend and even helping her classmates to cheat. And then guess what, did their girlfriends and classmates cherish their sacrifices? [Personality defects caused by the original family] Matsuko lacked fatherly love since childhood. If there is a mother's love to fill it, it should not evolve into a personality defect that is addicted to love as an adult. But in the world of Matsuko's consciousness, the image of her mother was so vague that she had no sense of existence. Even Matsuko returned home twice after she ran away from home. When her father died and her sister died of illness, the younger brother came forward to explain and cut off ties with her, and he never explained his mother's situation. Attitude. So I guess, maybe the mother didn't care about the pine nuts anymore after the death of the father, or maybe the mother gave up the pine nuts early because of her preference for her son to spend all her energy on raising her younger brother. In either case, Matsuko did not establish any trust or attachment with her mother. Some people may say that if your parents have provided you with food and clothing, and you have been living together for twenty years, how can you not establish a relationship? Yes, when I was a child, I also believed that my parents were people I could trust and rely on. In elementary school, I found out that as long as my father didn't come home, I could only eat leftovers at night. In junior high school, my classmates lent me comic books that I couldn't carry in front of my classmates. From the beginning, until every letter sent to me in high school was torn down, until a punk in college threatened to beat me... The indifference of my parents' words corresponds to my panic, and there are countless little things that have been forgotten , and then I became the person I am now, even if I was deceived, bullied, and suffered no matter how much I suffered, I would not go home and talk to me, and I might only have two or even one active phone call for three months away from home. And I'm not an exception. A boy whose parents are intellectuals and has been worrying about food and clothing since he was a child does not plan to have children after starting a family. He even said, how do you know that your children are willing to be born by you? I know and understand this feeling all too well, because my mother grew up saying to me that if it wasn't for you at the time, she could go to graduate school (divorce or whatever was more favorable to her), and she could live a better life. Well, she sacrificed so much for you, but what happened to you/angered her/disobedient/doesn't worry.... Is it a familiar phrase? Presumably many people have heard similar words from their parents, elders or wives. It's really just common nagging, but when paired with cold words or sarcasm, it can do indelible damage to a child's psyche. In the eyes of mothers, they are great, sacrificing their career/happiness for this family/child seems to be respected and rewarded, but in fact? No matter whether it is divorced/postgraduate entrance examination/job change/resignation to be a housewife, as an adult, you can't be responsible for your own life, but put the blame on the child? I believe that the friend who is unwilling to have a baby must have thought about the same question as me, what virtue and what can I do? When you were just born/you couldn't speak well, you had to bear the consequences of your choice for a lifetime (family discord/career failure)? Parents who have such a heart of the Virgin, no matter how good the growth environment is, most of their children will evolve into an anxious personality or an avoidant personality. Lose self-confidence, worry about gains and losses in intimacy. The latter will avoid intimacy, be easily negative when encountering problems, subconsciously exaggerate difficulties, be reluctant to communicate, and have a tendency to be cold and violent. {Whether anxious personality or avoidant personality is very common, look around us, such parents, such family problems are still few? All we can do is to recognize the problem early, learn psychological knowledge to find out the cause, and then correct the problem, so that we or our children will not become a copy of the disgusted pine nuts in the future. } [Lack of love leads to dependent personality] Let's come back and look at Matsuko's situation. She is a very dependent personality. Matsuko couldn't get love from the family of origin, and after leaving home, she longed for love from a man. But every man Matsuko meets is a fighter among scumbags (except for a barber shop widowed man, which is normal), whether it's a down-and-out writer who committed suicide while lying on the rails, a married man who covets sensuality, or a little white face who has corrupted five million, Timid and cowardly underworld gangster... Neither one is her good match! And they were violent towards her. Even if Japanese women are generally submissive to their husbands, it is not normal for them to have no complaints or regrets when they encounter domestic violence. The root cause is that Matsuko's desire for love greatly exceeds the need for self-esteem and security. Sad for its unfortunate anger for its indisputable ah! When she was young, Matsuko was not a beautiful, sexy, gentle and kind woman with a beautiful singing voice, but her strong need for love led to a bottomless compromise with men. When a man hit her for the first time, he might still be a little uneasy, but when he saw Matsuko still greeted her with a smile, the next time he would hit her as a punching bag as a matter of course. From a psychological point of view, Matsuko's unusual thirst for love has nothing to do with real feelings, but is just filling the lack of fatherly love in childhood. This blind, irrational desire for love/intimacy is a typical dependent personality. As long as you can find someone who is willing to love her/be with her for a lifetime/stable spiritual support, would rather sacrifice your personal space, hobbies, outlook on life, even dignity, survival needs, etc., and be willing to compromise without bottom line/do not want to be yourself All you do is to maintain the relationship. [A woman's love is to hold a child's hand and grow old together A man's love is a timeless pleasure.] Reflected in real life, the most common question in real life is women's favorite question, do you love me or not? Will you marry me? Will you love me forever? Will we be together forever? Or it is urging serial calls, all kinds of chasing wind and jealousy, and habitually breaking up to repeatedly confirm whether a man really loves her. And men in general, especially avoidant men, are most easily bored with these kinds of questions and temptations. It is reflected in the movie that when Matsuko and the gangster student Long have sex, they repeatedly ask Long to say that they will be together forever. As a result, in the next second shot, Long responds with a fist. Here, let's talk about the combination that the audience likes to see and is destined to love and kill each other, a woman with a dependent personality and a man with an avoidant personality. This is the most common and most vexing combination in real life, why? Because at the beginning of getting along, the former will be attracted by the latter's rationality and calmness (upgraded version - mature and wise), while the latter will be easily attracted by the former's exuberant vitality (upgraded version - optimistic and strong), but establish an intimate relationship and pass the period of love After that, women feel that men are no longer as considerate and affectionate as they were when they pursued her, and they begin to use various methods (as examples above) to confirm that men still love her, and repeatedly ask men to promise or express their life together with actions, etc. Yes, and the subconsciousness of men at this time is that women have caught up and will not run away. Of course, they will focus on career/social aspects, and they will no longer accommodate women when dealing with frictions in life. Then the woman feels more and more that the man does not love her and tries her best to test the man and suppress potential rivals/imaginary rivals, and then the man feels more and more pressure and has nowhere to vent, and because of his avoidant personality and early development to please his girlfriend This conscious habit of (wife wants to coax) makes men unable to express their emotions and needs candidly. When some women think that a man's emotions and needs are not as important as loving her, men basically start to be indifferent to women or others. Looking for a new lover to vent the pressure. I believe that there are quite a few stories of such a combination around everyone, and even happened to themselves. In the end, most of the stories ended with women accusing men of being scumbags in tears. However, we are all adults with basic intelligence and judgment, and the responsibility for any problems that arise in an intimate relationship is on both sides. A woman's dependence, grasping this degree well will stimulate a man's desire for protection, and it is easy to put pressure on the other party if you don't grasp it well. A woman who talks about what I have sacrificed for you all day long, but you treat me like this / let me down / makes me angry, men will only feel pressure. The reason is the same as what I said above. He De He Neng ah? A choice you have to make for yourself/ Sacrifice (not what I asked for) to be responsible? Please don't say that men are unkind, this kind of psychological mechanism is very common. A boy who chased me a few years ago often said how good he was to me (not what I asked for), so I had to be good to him (promise a date/give him a gift/have a relationship, etc.) Get rid of it at the speed of light, even if the other party is from a cadre family, height 190, good looks, good sports and work hard, I don't have any nostalgia, why? At the time, I didn't think much about it and just followed my instincts, and then I realized that because the other person's expression inadvertently repeated the pattern my mother had for me, it made me feel pressure and even fear (if establishing an intimate relationship with the other person means that In the future, they will be demanded and paid by the other party in this way) [Some people say that Matsuko lives in a state of ignorance and does not understand resistance I think she is the bravest female fighter] together for a lifetime. This sentence is simply the soft underbelly of pine nuts. I believe that many girls who are in love have suffered from this sentence. But no one has the courage to give up everything like Matsuko. The man who lost his wife in the barber shop said once, and Matsuko firmly believed that he would be able to reconnect with him after being released from prison in eight years. Later, Long also said that Songzi did not hesitate to join the underworld and cover Long for this sentence, and even made various depraved transactions and even limped. Seeing this, Songzi, who said "my life is over" again and again, is still able to quickly revive with full blood in the face of a fragmented life, regain his love for life, and love and give without thinking of anything in return. I believe that many viewers, like me, were moved by this idiot who lived a pure and enthusiastic life. Enthusiasm, bravery, infatuation, optimism, compromising and accommodating others, giving without complaint, and strong resistance to attack, these are all very good qualities, but unfortunately they cannot change the tragedy of Matsuko. It's not that Matsuko didn't reflect. After her father died, she sat in the car and wept. After catching Xiaobailian, she didn't hold back as hard as before, but calmly asked for the money back (but was told that her money was given to the girl who cheated on Xiaobailian.) Matsuko ran wild and murdered), and later in the face of the gangster student Long's affectionate confession, Matsuko refused at first, but she still couldn't resist the black hole of lack of love, which was a curse she couldn't get rid of for the rest of her life. The desire for love has become an instinct in her bones, and it is as irresistible as eating when she is hungry. Even if the cake placed in front of her is poisonous (men will abandon her), she can't care to eat it first abdomen. Later, Matsuko, a middle-aged living alone, didn't love any man, but couldn't control eating and gaining weight. In addition to giving up on herself, it was because of her instinct that she could fill the bottomless pit of lack of love with her appetite. This is the same psychological mechanism as many girls can't control overeating after falling out of love. 【Concluding remarks Encouragement with you] Matsuko's life makes people sad and tearful, and more sober and introspective. Girls, in particular, are naturally prone to emotional predominance, and love is more likely to make girls dependent and unrealistic fantasies. Fortunately, as adults of sound mind, we have the ability to correct our shortcomings. This revision is based on a comprehensive knowledge and understanding of the laws of psychology. (Don’t force repression to easily cause rebound) For example, with anxious personality, you can try to improve your self-ability and stop basing your self-worth on external comments. For example, avoidant personality, you can try to build trust and dependence with each other in an intimate relationship, and candidly express your thoughts and emotions. As for the dependent personality, you can try to be alone and make decisions independently without relying on the advice of others, try to understand your own value to build self-confidence, set a bottom line in an intimate relationship, learn to express your emotions correctly, and once the other person steps on the bottom line, you must express it. We are not perfect people born with healthy personalities. Most of us have the character defects caused by our original family (in severe cases, the id has been staying in childhood) and enter the society recklessly and ignorantly. However, we have bid farewell to our childhood and possess the judgment ability and learning ability of adults. When encountering problems, we should discover and correct our own shortcomings in time, instead of indulging our own personality defects, putting pressure on those close to us, or even imposing responsibilities on ourselves. children create character flaws in the next generation.
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