Girls should always say to themselves my dear, you deserve the best, know that you haven't done anything wicked This type of movie is because I can always see my own shadow and see the side I don't want to face. I once had a life experience that was very similar to Matsuko. I locked myself in my room, self-harmed, smoked, drank, and kept eating. I lose my sense of taste when I see people's shadows, I immediately hide like a mouse, I can't tell the difference between reality and dreams, I'm fat to 170, my reaction is slow, and my breathing becomes a burden... It's not just pain, I don't even have the strength to cry out There is still another thought - always planning what will happen after you, constantly planning how to kill yourself perfectly The most private life is expressed in an artistic and real way, so bloated and fat, with a stench all over my body, I hide from my distant relatives and former friends when I see people, and I think of my childhood self, and the inexplicable song echoes in my ears, just like
that . Matsuko is lucky to always have friends to come to see me, take me out of the room and take me to the street, although at that time I felt as uncomfortable as being scalded by boiling water. At first, my friends scolded me and then I stopped. Saying that I watched me become like this step by step, but I felt guilty for not being able to help myself... I committed suicide in the dormitory, and the whole class knew that I had depression. The teacher told me to suspend school and go home to see a doctor Every two months, three years, and six times, when I graduated, I majored in electives and failed 18
colleges. That’s how I came here. I didn’t have romantic love. I didn’t actively work towards my dreams. I really didn’t have any dreams. Actually, I wanted to be a rocker. I want to roar on the stage, I want to sing all the pain that the times have given us, but it's just a dream occasionally
How can a good kid like me go back to being a rocker who can't get enough of a non-mainstream meal? Besides, I don't know anything about music. I'm in my twenties, but I can play a little guitar and mix up my diploma. Finding a job is a serious thing. Some people are unwilling to take risks and live in a landscape they have never encountered before. Under the protection of my parents, I thought my life would be as simple as most people’s.
When I entered school in freshman year, I was on the literary committee of my class
. It turns out that people can really change.
I don't like my major. I don't like the fake faces around me. At first, I made friends and couldn't stand the people around me. I thought they were best friends. Later, I realized that they were just for you. The faces of the people in the class, their attitude toward their feelings, their endless vainglorious comparisons, they hate the pretentious, beastly dressed, and the school leaders who run the school for profit only. They hate the teachers who follow the script without thinking. They hate the flattering students who feel like a campus. The wandering spirits in my house began to travel alone, it was difficult to find friends, I became an alien, and I couldn’t find the meaning of survival. The emptiness and nausea made every second of my school a torment, doubting education, doubting history, doubting life and society as a whole. A lot of history has been covered up or falsified So what they said about freedom and power has never been realized So the equality of men and women is an empty talk So the universe has always been unknown and infinite So religion is not a superstition I feel cheated The humiliation of being deceived From a child to an adult People said to me At that time, all the education I received was ironic. In short, all the thoughts and the scenery I saw were negative and dark.
No matter which direction your life is going, try to be positive or let yourself down When you make a decision and start living, there is a certain inertia to your actions Gradually confiding over and over again Causes constant disappointment Causes me to become more and more introverted and deliberate I avoid social interaction, I don’t talk, immerse myself in my own world, draw, read, listen to music, walk and think by myself, I don’t go to class, because the teacher is always crap in textbooks Very dead and heavy music, I found myself disgusted with bad movies. I found that the unpopular movie I really liked was actually a movie with a high reputation, which surprised me. Of course, this kind of surprise is when the roommates around recommend you the Dragon Phoenix store or think that Stephen Chow is one of them. During the farce, he immediately disappeared without
a trace . Once in bed, I heard a girl in the dormitory call and say that there is a pervert in the dormitory. I don't listen to anything in class all day long, and I don't sleep at night. It's scary. The girl who was too lazy to talk finally found out that someone was still lying on the bed and started to change the subject. Later, I finally got into an argument with her. I think we both disliked each other for a long time. It was a matter of time before we quarreled, so I moved to the dormitory
and changed it twice. Every time the dormitory can't stand the rumors, speculations about your personality, and the eyes of pity and pity, I remember that during that time everyone came to enlighten you and everyone had to pretend to educate you. These are not far from you. Everyone thinks they know a lot, they have seen countless people and experienced many battles. The reason why you are today is because you are too fragile. Don't watch those inexplicable movies that ruin people's minds. Hang out with us and play with you. Look at those who have broken hands and feet, look at me again, look at so-and-so, we have experienced so much more than you and are still not depressed, you are living too easy and cranky...hehe, everyone agrees. I've heard it 10,000 times and I've defended it three times, but I don't bother to speak to someone who doesn't know
I finally moved out and lived off-campus and rented a house. Every time the living expenses came, I went to the supermarket to buy a lot of things. It was at night. I was afraid of being seen during the day. Even if you don't eat for a week, you won't starve to death. If you starve to death, life is so hard. I don't want to live another second. My family may know my situation. I think too much. I don't answer the phone. It's hard. It takes a lot of effort to spit out a word. It's really hard. Such endless pain, unspeakable pain, fear of falling asleep and waking up every day, why does it become like
this We also need to see the bright side of the dark side, and have a more three-dimensional understanding of human nature, start to think and change the mode of communication with various people, and also have a better way to integrate and get along with our body and spirit. Begin to learn to soothe yourself and be kind to yourself. Be aware of the changes in your emotions and adjust in time. Remember to keep your spirit rising.
When you find that something is wrong, you should make efforts to adjust in time. Otherwise, life or yourself will fall unknowingly. And when it gets harder to fix or even get out of hand, change is going to cost an incredible price.
I have worked hard to find the answer to all these questions. Why am I because I am so different? If you can't find the answer, it's good to find the cause of the problem. There is no reason, no answer, everything is unknown, I don't know why people want to live, so they deceive themselves and live on. No dreams, no love, and no belief in anyone. There is no sense of worth and existence. There is no sense of vitality to live. What should I do after graduation is a problem? Maybe I will find a boring job until I die in the endless emptiness and use up my only one life...why why 100,000 why
I started to find reasons from my growing environment when I was a child. My mother was an extremely gentle and kind person. My father was a broken family. ...I remember my father saying I'm going to beat you up! At that time, I was so depressed that it was better to die than life. I committed suicide twice without telling my family. The scars on my left arm, which were bloody, could not be concealed. The scars from the knife are still clear to this day. When I wake up, I have no tears and I move slowly, I feel that it is a sin to live an extra minute, I dragged my tired pace and ran away from home, I want to commit suicide again, and I feel as if I have never seen the world well Since I am not afraid of death, it is better to have a death. The brigade handed its fate to God, the goddamn god, see which station is my death terminal, I can't bear the remorse and guilt in my heart, I can't bear the mother's call to go home over and over again,
I think it was that time that called me back It's my mother's love and my heart's desire for love.
Matsuko also ran away from home. Although every time she treated life with enthusiasm, she always met the wrong man one after another. If you are 23+ years old, believe that there are already There are too many such examples. Women always endure more suffering for men. In fact, they know very well what kind of people are really good for themselves. What kind of decisions are really good for themselves, but they have to be ruthless. It's too hard, too hard, to cut off one's own feelings with one's own hands. I would rather become scarred and shattered because of that scum. I want to stage the tragedy again. We all thought we would not become the heroine of the tragedy. But if one day we They are not necessarily better when faced with choices similar to those of tragic heroines.
I have loved people who I shouldn't love, so I have tasted deep pain. I am luckier than Matsuko. Maybe it's because of my cowardly character. Whenever love starts to go out of style, I leave early. I have been in love four times since I was a child. I have heard four times. But by the scale of public love, I think I am still a fool who has never been in love. How can a love that has never been signed by a man be called love? Knowing that I can't afford to be hurt, I ended it early. I don't know if I missed the scenery or escaped the disaster. None of the boyfriends I've dated will come back after I said goodbye. If someone comes to save me, my cowardice and soft heart will definitely shake I will forget the pain and the moths will fly to the flame. Then life will be different after that, but I never know if it's my luck or my misfortune. It's just that I never regret my choice. The short-term pain will always disappear. Even if you are sad, don't give it to yourself. Being hurt to the point of being unable to extricate oneself may be endlessly hurt. It hurts even more if a strong man breaks his wrist. Why did he go that far? Next time, please be careful to give a long-lasting love, please keep the best and the biggest love for yourself first and grow well. There are men who can live well even without me. How many scum make them look like foreign goods?
If Matsuko said no when she met the first wrong man, would she suffer less injuries, would she lose a lot of her youth, would she avoid going on such an irreparable path? Will the next person Lu meet just happens to be a shabby but kind good man who will hug you tightly when he sleeps, and be content with you when he is with you? From now on, we will start working hard for happiness together, but no, no woman! Isn't the pain of delaying your life for some scum when you were young enough? Isn't the lesson harsh enough? ! Why continue to prove the mistake again and again? Do you really forget the pain when you heal the scar? Finally dragging a scarred heart and telling myself I don't believe in men, I don't believe in life, I don't believe in anyone, I don't believe in loving myself...and when you decide not to love yourself, the best heaven will feel like you're in hell
Now, when I recall those dark days, the biggest emotion is gratitude. Maybe after some experience, all things are light and cloudy, and the spirit will become the Holy Mother. I started to read philosophy, psychology, theology, and I read a lot of things that I didn't know before. The book that I can touch was also at that time when a friend preached the gospel to me. I learned about God, a certainty that will never collapse in my spiritual world. I learned more about rock and roll. I learned the midi school and dared to pursue rock and roll. Oh, when the young people around me wantonly squander the joy of youth, the passion of love, the joy of life, the fun of play and the vitality of youth, when I fall into the bottom of my life, I complain to God why it is me! Why should I dedicate my best years to endless melancholy! And later, when all the answers came to the surface, I became grateful for such a fate. After going through such a long period of darkness, I thought I was eighty years old, but the number on my ID card tells you that you are only 23 years old, and you are still young Very powerful vitality, everything has just begun, you even have time to choose your own career, choose your future life partner, choose your life direction, choose how you will spend your life, and all this should be grateful for that one is not early Depressed too late?
What could a woman who was fifty-three and fifty-three years old when Matsuko isolated herself? Life has developed to this point, and there is a possibility of reversal. There are some as long as they don't die. Matsuko has decided not to believe that no one can find her place. But even so, God didn't give up. She encountered clothes in the hospital. The bright cellmate told her that I have a job that suits you, and you can come to me anytime you want! Yes, but this woman has lost her qualifications to be a human being at this moment. In fact, if she bites the bullet and makes a decision, like the optimism after every failure in the past, everything will be different this time. The bloated body can be changed naturally. A good foundation will become beautiful and healthy again, have friends around you, have good job opportunities, and even find a wife to spend the rest of your life with, isn't it good? But everything will never happen again. Matsuko made the wrong choice again. She could have chosen to believe, but she chose not to believe.
Many times our small choices will affect the entire trajectory of our life. At this moment, you choose another path, then the people you originally met, the things you met, and the million possibilities that you met all have nothing to do with you, so sometimes Choice is really important,
if you didn't push your sister away when you first came home and hugged you,
if you left forever the first time you were slapped by that so-called poet for the first time If you choose to go
home when you lose your lover and job for the first time If you
leave strong when you meet the second wrong man Listen to your friend and leave that man If you come home when you get hit after another If you are brave the last time you meet your friend Face her embarrassment and vulnerability Accept her help Tell her I miss you so much If you're having a bad day, please help me... then you won't lose your father, lose your sister, fall in love with the wrong boyfriend, keep getting hurt by bad men, don't turn into a murderer, don't go to jail, keep degrading, if you're like a Be brave like a real fighter, fight against bad circumstances, stay away from bad men, find good men, good friends, if you are tougher, if you put away your unhealthy mentality of "it's better to be killed than a man" If you really raise the sails and actively make the right decisions , will your life be a life of disgust? Even if your life is not as beautiful as a fairy tale, but as beautiful as a dream, it must be dashing and unrestrained. Wonderful unique life
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