——The inscription
"The Life of the Disgusted Matsuko" has been in my computer for two years without knowing it. Yesterday, I finally flipped it out and looked at it. After ten minutes, I couldn't help but look up the director's name. It turned out to be Nakajima. That is, the director of "Confession", no wonder the whole film is filled with the temperament of a music video, with rich and exaggerated color pictures, telling the story of a woman named Songzi.
"I'm alive, I'm sorry." This sentence was once popular on the Internet, and I saw more than five people change their QQ signature to this, but I doubt that how many people really realize it The sadness behind this sentence. In the film, when Matsuko wrote this sentence on the wall as a person who failed everywhere, what she wanted to express, I am not sure, is it her disappointment with herself, or a deeper attachment to life.
The story begins with the death of a woman named Songzi. The boy Ah Sheng is entrusted by his father to sort out the relics for his aunt whom he has never met. When he stepped into the dark house full of rubbish and smelled like it was forgotten by the world, when he saw the poster of the male artist pasted on the wall, when he found an ugly and weird grimace in the rubbish, when That's how Pine Nut's shattered, twisted, yet gleaming life begins when he finds the messy handwriting that reads "Born to be alive, I'm sorry."
Matsuko grew up in a family with a depressed atmosphere. Because of his sister who has been in bed for a long time, his father rarely smiles, and he always looks preoccupied. The happiest memory of Matsuko as a child is going to a burlesque with her father. When she imitated a burlesque and made faces, her father laughed. Matsuko, who hadn't seen his father's smile for a long time, naively used this grimace as a tool to please his father in the following days. But the younger sister's body is not doing well, the power of the ever-changing grimace has been weakening, and the father's smile is getting more and more reluctant, until one day, he impatiently threw away Matsuko and said: Don't fool around.
Matsuko confided this past story to Saeki, the male teacher who admired her in oral form. Matsuko was a beautiful and elegant female teacher when she became an adult. She could sing very well and was gentle and pleasant. love. When she reluctantly recounted: My life is over. Then he showed a sincere smile to Saeki, and Matsuko explained that such a confession was to pave the way for the two to have a frank relationship in the future. Saeki also looked at her with a grateful smile. We all know that the unhappiness of childhood is gone, and this is actually the beginning of another life.
The class in charge of Matsuko had a theft incident during the trip. Since the suspected student, Aaron, refused to admit that it was his own theft, Matsuko, in order to calm the situation, paid for the owner himself to make compensation. The matter spread back to the school, and it turned out that Matsuko was a thief. In order to clarify herself in front of the principal, she asked the student Aaron to publicly admit and bear the fault. Aaron agreed, but he denied it in front of the principal, and lied that he was threatened by Matsuko. Matsuko actually made that ugly grimace when he was speechless, which shocked everyone. Naturally, she left the school and ended the possibility of a relationship with Saeki.
Matsuko, who left school, moved in with a down-and-out writer. The writer's love for Matsuko is fiery insane and tragically devastating. On the night of heavy rain, the writer rushed out of the house. He wanted to leave the relationship that was extremely hopeless for both parties. Matsuko chased out. What he saw with his own eyes was that the writer turned back and smiled at her, and then bumped into the oncoming coming car. The words left by the writer before he died were: I am alive, and I am sorry.
After Matsuko became another man's mistress, she tried to disintegrate the other's family and complete her own complete happiness, but the result was that the man was with Matsuko just for the sake of being jealous of the writer. When the family and the lover conflict, naturally Abandoned is a lover. Abandoned Matsuko started an unbelievable life, became a stripper, murdered and imprisoned, became a hairdresser after regaining her freedom, and reunited with her former student, Aaron. silence. Matsuko asked him why he hated her so much that he wanted to frame her? Aaron said, not hate, but like, like very much.
The power of love is so arrogant that people collide with reckless consequences. Matsuko was moved by Aaron, and immediately burst into a frenzy. The two fell in love with each other, and they kept fighting over whether Aaron should continue to be in the underworld. When a friend from prison came to Matsuko, she said to her friend with a scar on her face. He, even if I go to hell, I will go. In the memories of my friends, the pine nuts at that time were really beautiful, maybe it was the light of love and happiness on their faces, it was really beautiful.
A recurring line in the film is: "My life is over." When she was neglected by her father, when she left school, when her writer boyfriend died in a car crash... With Aaron, Matsuko thought, even if she was killed Fighting is also much better than being alone. She felt very happy. The misunderstanding and lack of love in her childhood made Matsuko search for her own love and family in an extremely paranoid way. For this purpose, she did not hesitate to make mistakes, be beaten, and be wronged. Every time she encounters a twist of fate, when the originally burning happiness immunity suddenly goes out, she can quickly find another life worth clinging to for herself. The film writes about the changes of Matsuko's life in a very dramatic and exaggerated way, and occasionally inserts moving songs and pictures of Matsuko singing solo in the sunset, which is very moving.
In the literature I read in the past, it was often said that human willpower is infinite. As my greatest feeling of willpower, it is to grit my teeth and persist again and again when I am sick. As Matsuko, after experiencing the critical point of "the end of life" many times, what makes her stand up again and is not afraid in the new role. I think it's just that there is always hope in life. Just like a person who looks up at the night sky, even if she sees pitch darkness, her reason and hope tell her that somewhere in the darkness, there must be a star that we cannot see with the naked eye. It is only dark, not absent. .
Matsuko's bravery can make people cry. When Aaron was chased by gangsters and they were in the hotel, Matsuko swallowed many pills without hesitation and prepared to commit suicide with his lover. What is death? What she wants is love. When Aaron was taken to prison, Matsuko tidyed up the room every day and the only thing she did was wait. What is time? What she wants is love. In the heavy snow, Song Nuo took a bunch of roses to pick up Aaron, but what he got was Aaron's gravity punch. This man spent a long time in prison reading the Bible. He deeply felt that he was not worthy of Song Nuo's love, and he wanted to leave her , no longer hurt her.
Aaron's departure gave Songzi a very heavy blow, and then she returned to her hometown and learned from her brother that her sister was no longer alive. It is said that my sister's last words were "sister, welcome you back." This sentence made Songko, who had always hated her sister, run away. At that moment, she might feel that all hope of love had disappeared, and the death of her father and sister, Aaron's disappearance, his brother's indifference, like a hand shutting off all the stars in the sky, Songzi found a place to hide and began to live a dark day.
For more than ten years, she overeats, no longer organizes herself, and allows herself to live a sloppy life in the corner like a rubbish, moldy, and also falls in love with the male artist on TV, and writes to him but always looks forward to it. If she didn't reply, she gradually became desperate and became more and more responsible, like a festering fruit waiting to die. Even meeting an old friend is not enough to arouse the hope of a new life in her heart, but Matsuko hesitated. She thought of her sister in the hesitation, and the fantasy of cutting her hair by herself made her suddenly willing to find the vibrant self in the past. He jumped up to look for the business card of his friend who was thrown by the river behind the house, but was beaten to death by a group of baseball teenagers in the grass in the middle of the night.
The movie has two directions here:
1. What if it is hopeful, but it is still killed by reality in the end.
2. Even if she was killed by reality, the business card in Matsuko's hand was a symbol of hope, and she did not give up.
Pessimists see the former, optimists see the latter. As far as I am concerned, I don't think death is a bad ending. The 51-year-old Matsuko was forced to end her long lonely and turbulent life. For her, it was actually a beautiful destination. At least she doesn't have to be forced by reality, and she doesn't have to be abandoned and dropped again and again in the gap between hope and disappointment. Sadly, one day soon after her death, Aaron came to him and said that he had always loved Song Nuo.
The storyteller Ah Sheng's girlfriend said on the phone before going to Uzbekistan: "The value of a person is not what he can get from others, but what he can give to others." This sentence describes Matsuko's life, in fact It's a bit of self-deception comfort. She has been giving, believing and giving all her life, but she has been lonely and disgusted all her life. She didn't really experience her own value, on the contrary, what she took for her value was more waiting, pain, and tears.
Many times we have to believe that life is not controlled by ourselves, it will be controlled by many factors, some life is unbelievably smooth, and some life is always twists and turns. In the past few days, I have friends visiting. In our spare time, we chatted about the past, about her broken family when she was a teenager, and she never had the usual happy growth process like others. She said that she often let herself go no longer. The idea of living a good life, but she always felt that there was an invisible eye following, so that she did not really give up. I am proud of my friend. If a person is not defeated by difficulties, she always looks more beautiful and peaceful than others. Because she has seen darkness, she understands the preciousness of starlight.
For Matsuko, who has been in the dark for a long time, life is a boundless night. In this night, there are occasional stars twinkling, and she is like a moth, but it is just another disillusionment. How can she still have the courage to continue to believe in and continue to love when she sees the stars go out one after another? I think, because she is a star in her own right. She is a star that shines on her own, perhaps dimmed occasionally because of weakness and tiredness, but always lit.
In another article, I wrote that happiness is actually an illusion of self-sufficiency. If you firmly believe that you are happy enough, then even in the dirt, in the swamp, you can still find that flower that makes you smile. And hope is the same. The ancients said that what was lost was the mulberry elm that was harvested in the east. Until the last moment of your life, you never know how much darkness you will face, and, of course, how many miracles have yet to happen.
We love from ourselves all our lives, longing to be illuminated, longing to receive love from others. We put a lot of energy and emotion into an investment of love, so when love is far away, there will be a short period of heartbreak, thinking that there will be no tomorrow. But in fact, tomorrow will always come. As soon as you open your eyes and walk out of the house, the first breath of fresh air you breathe has activated your ability to love. There are also people who can no longer love after losing someone. I think you must agree that love does not die, it does not disappear, it only exists in the form of time solid.
Most people will have indelible unpleasant memories of the past and present. Even if it seems trivial, only you know what irreparable wounds it has caused in your life. Really, like a hand that suddenly turned off all the stars in the sky. But why did everything pass later, why when I think of it, there is only a touch of regret and no more ups and downs of sadness, I think, it must be unconsciously, when we didn't realize it, the night sky lit up again. The stars that ignited one after another are the joy of growing up, the sense of achievement of getting the first salary, the joy of reuniting friends, and the small and precious parts of our lives.
You have also discovered that we are actually our own star. Love and hope are perpetual motion machines. They create a lot of light around everyone. Even if life dies, the light still exists. People's disappointment and withdrawal is because most of the time they don't know themselves, they think they are too weak, and they think that the world is only illuminated by others.
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