I am a male, unmarried, 31 years old, from Chongqing, who has read a little book and likes to swear.
It is now October 30, 2019 1:11am.
I just finished watching this movie, and when I was driving home, my mind was full of clips from the movie, and some of the scenes of Chongqing that appeared repeatedly in it gradually overlapped into the scenes of my childhood. My cousin is a street gangster like Xiaoshan. Chen Nian is the goddess I had a crush on in elementary school. The little green tea bitch is the white moonlight I blinded in high school. If this movie can be interpreted in Chongqing dialect, it must be another taste. Chongqing hot pot is really delicious.
The folk customs in the southwest are relatively sturdy. I still remember when I first went to Hangzhou to study at university, the first thing my roommate asked me was: "I heard that taxi drivers in Chongqing, Sichuan Province are always with you. With a knife?" Probably the least surprising thing I grew up with was school bullying.
Some malice always approaches silently and slowly grows in you.
The first time I encountered bullying was in the fourth grade of elementary school, when I was a transfer student, and my parents transferred my school for me due to a change of home address. I just came to the class and had no friends at all. I have been a timid person since I was a child. One of the things my mother said to me most when I was a child was: Don't go out and cause trouble. There is a family of children who were beaten to death by balabala because of a fight.
I still remember that it was a free activity in a physical education class. I didn’t like sports since I was a child, my hair was yellow, and I couldn’t breathe after running a few steps. Just as I was gasping for breath, a sudden, inexplicable fist hit my nose. I fell to the ground in a sudden blackness in front of my eyes. Who knows this is not over yet, the boy raised his fist and started beating me while scolding. It was only at this moment that I came to my senses. It turned out to be our famous bully - nicknamed "Caitou". Since elementary school, he has a height of about 165. A completely weak existence like me is not his opponent at all. It turned out that he was going to give me a slap in the face, the so-called "training newcomers". It turns out that he can do whatever he wants in such a class. Even though he has been invited as a parent many times, the teacher has completely disappointed him.
I was completely powerless to resist, all I could do was cry and beg for mercy. It was the second time in my life that I felt genuine fear.
Fortunately for me, at this time, I met the best friend of my life, my classmate -- nicknamed Hei'er. As the name suggests, Hei'er had dark skin, and at that time he looked like a sturdy little bear. He couldn't stand it any longer, and Mao started to fight with Caitou vigorously. After some quarrel, I was carried to the infirmary to see a doctor in a stunned manner, and he said, "If he bullies you in the future, tell me."
Then Caitou never bullied me again, and then I got good grades to be the math representative of our class, and our friendship has continued to this day. In the darkness, someone held a lamp for me at that time.
But when I got home, my mother saw my miserable situation, and instead of comforting me, she asked me, without listening to my explanation, why I went to fight with others when I changed schools, and why I didn't listen to her. Then beat me again. This was the saddest cry of my childhood.
This is bullying from classmates.
Below is bullying from a teacher.
Why am I transferring schools? My original school was slightly better than the school I transferred to. I could not have gone because there was a math teacher who terrified me.
This man, no, this bully. I prefer to call him that.
He is a well-known math teacher in our entire district and county. The students he teaches are all top-notch students. He is probably the kind of fourth grader who can master math in the third grade and win an Olympiad. But his teaching method has impressed me so far: it is high pressure and violence.
for example:
Before dinner at noon, the whole class did a math problem announced by his head teacher. Only when we got it right can we go home for dinner. There have been several students who fainted from hunger or stayed up until the afternoon for class. I got good grades in math and didn't get stuck very much. But at one point I was so hungry and nervous that I couldn't find the answer. In the whole class, it was just me and a few backward students. I stood beside the desk, bewildered. I could feel his breath approaching. He was impatient and angry (probably we made him go hungry) and asked me why I couldn't do it. I said I don't know.
Then I felt myself flying out. Totally literal. I was kicked out by him from the desk to the door of the classroom.
Then he picked me up angrily, slapped me a few times in the face, stared at me (or quite literally) and scolded me to get back to my place.
At that moment I felt that I was completely controlled by a person, physically and mentally, that was the taste of despair.
So when I transferred schools, I felt a sense of relief and relief, but life was never what you could imagine when you were young.
When I was transferring schools, my mother said this again, if you don't talk to that awesome math teacher, what if you don't get good grades in the future and can't get into a good school? Beating is pro-scolding is love, the teacher beats you all for your own good.
When I was older, I heard that this teacher was said to be seriously ill, and I was quite gloating.
Times have changed, Fake~ I'm 31, I'm not 11, I'm 21. Why do I still remember this clearly? Some wounds that you think will heal, are no different from brand new physically, but actually have scars in the heart. There are some things you don't choose to forgive.
When you need help, in fact, no one is really willing to help you, and there are no kind-hearted policemen sticking to something as described in the movie. This is the status quo of our education back then, and everything is based on grades. Those with poor grades are basically classified as spicy chicken students. Personal feelings or something is hypocritical.
I want to ask myself, why am I doing nothing wrong, and why am I the one who bears the fault and blame? I think a lot of people who are bullied feel this way. Even more frightening, there is a vote of coercion who can make you happy when you are insulted.
I can blame the teacher for being ignorant in the way of education, I can blame my mother for not knowing how to teach me at all, and I can blame some little brats for being evil by nature. I can blame the external environment, but it doesn't solve my real problems.
In many cases, concessions and patience will not solve the problem. On the contrary, it will often only make the situation worse. This is my biggest feeling as a bullied person.
Because later, I was extorted money by the gangsters in junior high school. In high school, I refused to copy homework for my classmates and was beaten.
Some people just get their feet wet, don't they? The rubbish weak were angry and slashed at the weaker.
I was forced to commit suicide step by step by this situation. I don't post this to express my pain or to gain sympathy from others, I just want to let those who are bullied who read my words understand that you are not alone, this world is not beautiful, even in the dead of night Sometimes, you don't even realize that someone really loves you. I can feel your pain.
At that time, I said to myself, if I can’t bear it anymore, just give up, let go of this cheap life. But before that, I hope I can have the last fight, anyway, the worst is not to be fucked up, as the Chongqing saying goes: When a man dies, the bird turns to the sky.
I began to learn to resist the discrimination and injustice of others against me, I began to accumulate strength, and I began to learn knowledge, not what this exam-oriented education told me to learn. Slowly and later, I began to face up to myself, not to be easily influenced by others, and learned to understand human nature and the evil in myself. I am also more able to see the light in some people. Fortunately, the post-90s and post-00s have a better growth environment, a broader vision, and a wiser mind than us.
Then I became a stronger person than I could have imagined before. This is thanks to my persistence and hard work over the years. Whenever I feel lost, scared, and hopeless, I start to read the works of the sages in Chinese culture - hard work, hard work, and hunger; Jian, the gentleman strives for self-improvement and so on.
All the pain I have experienced, it turned out that in the once distant time and space, a few years ago, there were great people, outstanding people, mediocre people, and struggling people facing similar or even greater setbacks and losses . Why didn't some of them give up on themselves or fall into depravity?
Just like Xiaobei's original intention to protect Chen Nian, it is still hot. He was willing to watch her in the dark and muddy all the time.
Life is a choice, and you can choose courage. And taking this step is not as difficult as you might think.
I wish you all the best~
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