[Not a film review, not a film review, not a film review]
Did I take a title that is particularly "explosive" style? To be honest, because my job is to write manuscripts every day, I rarely take the initiative to write something other than work after reading something. Purely because I did remember some bad things I had encountered after reading it, I tried to see if I could write it down, and then find inner peace and reconcile with myself.
The answer is obvious, it is impossible to think of inner peace, and probably not in this lifetime. It's been almost ten years since those encounters [Hey, I really want to yell at myself in Miss Ouyang Nana's tone: Be sober! ten! year! La! ] long enough for me to ignore it and have a direct effect on me.
If there is no direct impact, it does not mean that it has passed away. In fact, I was much luckier than Chen Nian. One was that my temper was violent enough, the other was that I didn't have too much confrontation with the other party, and the other was already 20 years old at the time, so it could be considered a little adult thinking. There are many small branches and forks in the cause of the incident, and I can't tell in a sentence or two. The most direct reason is that three people in the same dormitory other than me tried to match me and a male classmate. I didn't agree, so was isolated. [God... When I typed this sentence, I found that my hands and feet were still cold in an instant]
It's not bullying, it's cold violence at most. I don’t know how many people can imagine the feeling, that is, you feel like air, or out of your body, looking at yourself like a fool three feet from the ground, and you don’t know what to do. When four people are present at the same time, they will not speak to me directly, but I am present in their conversation. for example:
"I think XXX is pretty good, why don't people like it?"
"People have high eyes, but they don't look down on our eyes."
"Cut, XXX is still not good, who does she think?"
Similar sing-along, of course I wrote the simplest dialogue. My major is half a literature department. It is not difficult for girls to be mean. At first I would retort a sentence or two, and then I found that I was really a cloud of air, and they couldn't hear me. Slowly, I will deliberately sit in the last row of the classroom, and even carry a heavy computer to class every day, because the computer can block me, and I can really be a ball of air. One month, I said no more than ten sentences, and one day I called my mother, and I realized that my speech was in a mess. As sensitive as my mother, it is too simple to feel that my state is not right, I can only lie to her, eh, I speak English every day, you can see that I can hardly speak Chinese.
Later, I developed a skill, that is, while weeping, the tone of my mother's phone conversation remained unchanged, it was a bit like fighting each other. Now that I think about it, I should go to study in an acting department, and I will not delay in both crying and speaking.
Fortunately, I have a very, very good friend who was at the same table in high school, and later was admitted to the same university. After she found out that my condition was not right, she directly asked me to move in with her. Several of her roommates are like angels in the world. They bought watermelons in the summer and could dig and eat them together, and they left you with the good people in the middle part. But my professional class is always going to be taken, and there is no way to not meet these three people completely, so there is a normal state experienced by 80% of people who are isolated. As soon as I enter the classroom, the audience is quiet for three or five seconds, and then a group of people starts. While muttering, they looked at me like a madman, and then these people would hide when they saw me, and no one would ask the cause and effect.
It was especially interesting that Wei Lai in the movie looked so much like one of the three people that I shivered physically in the theater when I saw that face. In the eyes of others, she is a naive and romantic girl who has been quiet and indifferent to the world. No one can believe how vicious this kind of person is when she speaks behind closed doors. Her face can help her escape the crime perfectly. It's terrible. . Even more frightening is that her boyfriend's roommate is my counselor.
Okay, I'll stick to it until I graduate. On the day of the graduation dinner, I specially picked a light-colored chiffon pleated skirt, and when I entered the venue, my good mood did not last for ten minutes, because I just signed my name on the autograph board, and found that the skirt was marked with a mark. The strokes are spent. The school girl found a pin and helped me fold up the dirty place. I still had a sullen face all night. The three of them took the initiative to come to me with wine glasses, and said loudly, "Let's drink this glass and let the past go. We don't think it should affect our relationship because of this. It's fate to meet each other." It looks like a noble look that treats people with generosity. I held back my nausea, lost a smile, and said, "Let's give a hug." I leaned into one of the ears and whispered, "cnm."
Put down the glass, turn around and leave.
Thinking about it now, this matter itself is not too serious, but it has made a certain part of my personality abnormal. For example, I am particularly afraid that I am a topic terminator. After speaking a sentence, the air is instantly quiet; When I was on the road or in a shopping mall, people looked at me more unconsciously, and I felt uncomfortable; for example, I fell into a low mood for no reason; for example, the perennial insomnia that fell from that time, and the anorexia that I didn’t know when; such as Smoking, drinking, and even a little drug dependence. Until now, I have always been a person who can’t trust others easily, and I don’t want to associate with anyone. It’s not because I think others understand me and know how to attack my weakness, it’s just because I find it troublesome and unnecessary. My mother always said that I was too alert and tired, but in fact I was not tired at all, or that I was indifferent for the sake of relaxation.
Of course, the bad thing about doing this is that there are almost no friends, walking alone in the street, eating hot pot alone, traveling alone, playing alone, and going to the hospital alone when sick. When I went to prescribe medicine for Valium, the doctor saw that I was very calm, and said casually, why did I come by myself, and I didn't find anyone to accompany you. I answer, it is not impossible? Just not necessary. Then he glanced at me, it was alright, it was a normal look, not a mental one, but then again, there are a few that this doctor faces every day, and some are not mentally ill.
After a long babble, and then going back to the movie, I think it tells a story of "people who have been bullied, still have the ability to live their ideal life". I came out of the theater thinking about this motif as I walked. I glanced at myself from the reflection of the shop window in the shopping mall, um, high heels, a small windbreaker, carrying a bunch of shopping bags, theoretically, it has exceeded my expectations for the future as a teenager. In fact, as a teenager, I must have never thought that when I was 30 years old, I would have to drink sleeping pills and drink, and sleep was basically the same as a coma.
On the way home, I chatted with the driver. The driver was a middle-aged man in his early 40s. He said that he just watched "Youth as a Teenager" yesterday, and said, "My daughter is always talking nonsense recently. Now, play with her mobile phone. In the middle of this year, their school organized a trip to Russia. She had a little conflict with the teacher on the way, and when she came back, she changed her personality, saying that her classmates always talked about her. How to do?"
You see, this kind of thing happens every day.
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