4:20am, 6 /16/2009
Andune CHOU
I argued with my parents at first, I feel sad and can not be understood, lonely and have been given up. I did not know what I have to do. I decided to clean my piano room, I gave up, I could not sleep, so I choose to watch a film. I chose it – Phoebe in Wonderland.
I have many words what I want to speak out after I finish watching. My tears fall down during the time when I staying in the story. Phoebe is another me, a 9-year old girl just like me. To close itself in a wonderland base n mind, just want to protect myself but hurt many persons. Always say sorry, always confusing my movements, when heard a sentence with help, just leave it away and be afraid to touch it. I am Phoebe, I mention myself never do something wrong, never speak wrong, must say sorry when you make a terrible mistake, keep to be a formal person in the reality. Imagination locks me in my own world, shut my parents and friends, strange time just makes my brain pained, and often say- I have to do that.
That just wants everything leaves main alone, I just want t keep success and ordinary, but that is wrong, right? I do not know that is wrong, in my opinion, I think that is necessary and I have to do.
When I see Phoebe's parents' tears and complaining for themselves, I feel sorry to them, in fact I want to say sorry as Phoebe, but as Phoebe I have no idea what is wrong. I embarrass what is my fault. I am just following a voice next to me.
That is terrible when I find everything is wrong or just my imagination, I think the world and my circle have leave me alone, just stay away for me. I hurt many person include myself, I want to say sorry.
At last, worms can be butterflies one day, everything will be changed on day include Phoebe, include me. The future will be better or worse? Whether I have to accept who I am in the reality or give up my wonderland? Who I am and who you are?
I think the first thing is to say sorry to me parents. Actually they are right, I am just a traveler to everywhere include the place I call home.
I am wrong or not? Time can prove but I have the answer.
Sorry, Dad and Mum.
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