Story Convenience Store/Luo Yijun
4
The Greek director Angelopoulos has a movie that I liked very much when I was young, called Landscape in the Fog. There are two children in the movie, the children are very poor, and their mother is a very unfortunate woman. They had never met their father, only that he had gone to work in Germany, and the only evidence of their father's existence somewhere in the world was what their mother said to them.
The image of this movie is a big tree in a fog, which is such a landscape. The elder sister may only be twelve years old, and she is still a little girl who has just grown into a young girl. She and her younger brother, who may only be five years old, run away from home without telling their mother. The two children run off to catch a train to find their father, as in "The Wandering Story of a Bitter Child."
Of course it's a very sad, heavy, desperate movie. This little girl was raped by a truck driver while on the highway. She was still such a small little girl.
They also met some nice people and they followed a wandering troupe. This little girl secretly fell in love with a handsome guy in the troupe, a big brother who was very nice to them. But at the end of the movie, the little girl realizes that the big brother is actually a comrade, a gay, because he took her to a gay bar. The little girl was very sad and ran out. The big brother caught up with her and said something to her. He said: It's always like this for the first time. Slowly, you will get used to it.
In fact, what is meant by "slowly, you will get used to it"? I couldn't understand this story when I was young. I'm fifty years old now, and I understand it slowly. It means that you will get used to it. You are destined to lose your father, and you are destined to never find him. . Your father seems to be waiting for you somewhere, waiting for you to fetch his wallet, but you are destined to find him.
Epilogue
At the end of the day, we are all destined to lose our fatherhood. Just like the father in Bruno Schultz's novel, who became a crab and a bird; Eileen Chang's father became trapped in a cage, wandering back and forth, reciting that human beings are no longer with their hands behind their backs. An inhuman monster who speaks gorgeous language; or Lu Xun's father, who was given all kinds of strange soups when he was about to die.
In their own time, like the grains on the platter in the mill, they have been milled for more than a hundred years. And now, our pain, our confusion, and our confusion that we often feel are beyond the scope of our ability to solve it as early as a hundred years ago: we cannot find our fatherhood.
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