I am a mediocre semi-professional mixed martial arts athlete. I have also practiced American football as a quarterback. I have almost all the hard conditions and even some of the symptoms of the CTE patients in the film, but I am younger and much younger than them.
First, explain why I claim to be a suspected patient. About two years ago, after an MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) match, I experienced dizziness on the high-speed train returning home and was unable to stand normally. At first, my team and my family members thought that the concussion was caused by a heavy blow in the game, so we conducted related examinations and treatments. After about a week, it basically returned to normal, but after that, dizziness, headache, drowsiness, mild hallucinations, and even mild cognitive impairment were often caused suddenly. For my own health, I immediately stopped training and competition and performed a head examination, but no abnormalities were found. Until an examination at Beijing Tiantan Hospital, a doctor advised me to take a blood test. The result of the examination showed that the extracellular tau protein in the plasma was higher than normal, and it was possible to suffer from CTE. However, this type of test has not been internationally recognized and is only for refer to. Hearing this news, to be honest, I didn't have any reaction, because before that, I had never heard of CTE. I didn't realize the seriousness of the matter until the doctor's popular science and I checked the relevant information.
It has been nearly 20 years since CTE was officially promoted to the private sector, but we still cannot understand CTE in the same way as information about other diseases in media such as the Internet. Even Baidu Baike does not have this professional entry. As a suspected patient, it is difficult for me to accept this level of attention. Just like in the film, CTE seems unable to enter the public's field of vision, nor can it attract too much attention. I still remember Bennett’s tearful complaint against NFL doctor Joseph Malone. He said: Do you know what Mike Webster’s wife told me that if she knew he was sick, she would do more for him. Seeing this, my tears finally couldn't hold back. How I hope everyone around me can understand my pain, but I don't want or ashamed to tell my situation. Even my family and close friends, I just talk about it in general. I don’t want anyone to change the way I get along with me because I’m worried about my body. I’m not altruistic, I just don’t want to bring anything to the people around me. Negative content. But the death of each patient in the movie and the torture of the illness before his death made me shake the confidence of a person to survive. I am afraid that I will hurt the person I love and the person who loves me. I am afraid that I cannot control my behavior and emotions. I am afraid that I will forget the beauty that I have experienced, and I don't even know at what moment the brain will give its instructions.
I can say responsibly that CTE is terrible. The terrible thing about it is that it will torture a heroic seven-foot man into a walking dead who seems to smoke too much opium; it will turn a good family-care man into a domestic violent man. demon.
I am very scared. What I am afraid of is not death, but instability. I seem to understand why so many CTE patients choose to commit suicide. They cannot bear the torment of illness, let alone allow themselves to abuse their loved ones and destroy their families with their own hands. From a certain point of view, they are responsible. There is no alternative.
I seem to be able to imagine the state and reaction of some other patients who have the possibility of CTE (CTE lacks effective detection methods other than brain tissue research) when watching the film. Although I have not yet determined whether CTE must be developed, I still Insist on taking the medicine and adjust the state according to the doctor's advice. I hope other patients can also face it in a positive state. Wang Guozhen said: Pessimism is the plague, optimism is the rain; Pessimism is a kind of destruction, and optimism is a kind of salvation. Since medicine cannot be completely cured, we might as well try to save ourselves. Maybe the mind can get rid of the control of that bad brain.
In the darkest part of life, someone has to pull you out of the abyss. If there is no one, then you will be that person yourself.
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