"The relationship between you and your mother determines your relationship with the world." This is a slogan on the poster of the female film "Spring Tide". Applying this sentence, the core content of the film is summarized as "The relationship between you and your father determines your relationship with the world." It seems quite appropriate. Or to be more precise, the parent-child relationship determines the fate of the child to a large extent, and the relationship between the father and the child is particularly important during adolescence.
Youth is always associated with rebellion. It seems that when children reach a certain age, rebellion just grows up in their genes. There is almost no need for reason, at least in the eyes of their parents. Is it true? In this movie, the director gave three different images of fathers to the three "bad boys". We might as well try to list and analyze their influence on their children. Maybe we can find out who is behind the children's rebellion. Some reasons.
Absent father
For a child to grow up smoothly, there must be a relatively stable and safe environment, but poor Plato does not. There is no father in his world. The servant said he and his wife left after divorcing, and Plato said he was dead. In either case, Plato caused great separation trauma. The mother's disregard for him made him an actual orphan.
Unfortunately, Plato did not have any friends at school, and was always isolated and bullied, just like a small boat in the ocean, facing the erosion of the storm at any time, with no support and no shore. Uneasiness, loneliness, and fear constantly tortured his soul and eventually made him suffer from mental illness. To make matters worse, the irresponsible mother stopped his treatment because of the expensive expenses of the psychologist. Gradually, he was extremely disturbed by his surroundings and fell in love with guns. Only weapons can protect him.
Jim's appearance allowed him to find a life-saving straw in the ocean of life. In his eyes, Jim is friendly, brave, and powerful, all of which fully fit the image of the father he has always longed for. Unknowingly, he developed a father-like respect and dependence on Jim. With Jim, he can finally put his long-wandering soul.
However, the problem is also here. Now that Jim has become his only friend, his spiritual father, when Jim is in a dangerous situation, it is almost instinctive, he does not hesitate to protect each other, and his strength is too weak, so he takes up a weapon. Similarly, when he himself is in danger, he also longs for the other side to protect himself.
When he woke up in Enron’s sound sleep and found that he was under siege but Jim was missing, it was undoubtedly a ruthless abandonment and a fatal blow to him. In an instant, his father collapsed, and he became another one. A child without a father. Sudden helplessness, despair, and panic caused him to be irritated directly. After losing his support, he finally pulled the trigger and the situation went out of control step by step.
When Jim, who was awakened by the gunfire, opened the door, Plato, who was almost mentally collapsed, shot him reflexively, repeating: "You are not my dad." (Is the nature of this plot somewhat similar to the previous one? After Jim failed to ask his father for help, he pushed his father to the ground in anger and despair, and violently choked his father's neck? It's just that Plato has fallen into a morbid state and can no longer use his reason to control his behavior).
At this point, Jim’s position in Plato’s heart, or the meaning of his father to Plato, is completely revealed. He yearns for his father’s love but cannot, and then regards the friendship of a friend who is stronger than himself as a father’s love to save himself. This is a pathological state. , It is a kind of pity, his world is too lack of love.
After a lot of hard work, Jim finally approached Plato and let him relax his vigilance and regain his trust in himself. However, the highly nervous Plato was unable to establish trust with the adults outside. Unfortunately, he was shot and killed by the police in the chaos, leaving him behind. Tragedy forever.
Bad father
The sixteen-year-old Judy didn't understand why his father was displeased with everything about him, and even used rough actions and vicious words to insult him. After much deliberation, she came to the answer that her father hated herself, which made her very sad.
So she ran out of the house and wandered the streets all night. On the surface, this is a rebellion and revenge against his father, but the deeper intention is to attract his father's attention in this way and regain his father's care for her. When the police officer said that her father would come to pick her up, but the mother came to pick her up, she couldn't help being disappointed, because the act of trying to get her father's attention failed again, and her father seemed to really not care about her as she thought.
With Judy's father, he had no idea where the problem was. When his daughter wanted to be as close to him as before, he rejected it disgustingly. Facing Judy's confusion, he replied with the patriarch's coldness and tyranny.
In his eyes, his daughter is already a sixteen-year-old girl, and she can no longer be allowed to act like a baby in front of her as she did when she was a child. Judy looked at her brother who was sitting on his father's lap and insisted on kissing his father on the cheek, while he slapped his daughter in the face angrily.
Seeing Judy crying and stealing the door again, he asked helplessly, why did his daughter suddenly become a problem?
I have to say that this is a bad father.
In the process of his daughter's transformation from a child to a woman, he resisted accepting her growth on the one hand. I don't like her friends, I don't like her to go to social occasions, but I am actually afraid that she will leave me. The most important problem is that his daughter’s increasingly mature body has brought him incest anxiety, and her feminine dress and makeup further arouse his male reaction, which is bound to make him as a father ashamed, and he is again Unable to accept such shame, because accepting means that you are a bad father or a bad man. As a result, you naturally want to project this shame on your daughter. It's all the daughter's shamelessness, and it's all her fault, so he doesn't have to bear the nasty sense of shame anymore. Therefore, once his subconsciously suppressed male reaction is awakened by his daughter's intimacy and demeanor, the shame is stimulated at the same time. He must defend himself with fierce attacks to maintain the moral sense of being upright and strong in front of his daughter.
On the other hand, he couldn't see that Judy was still the same child before, and he always wanted to be loved by his father. When the daughter approaches, he pushes her away. When the daughter leaves, he humiliates her. He can't face her daughter's growth and can no longer be a child. He wants to keep a distance from her but is afraid of her going away. He can't find a suitable way to treat her My daughter, Judy was at a loss and lost what to do. In the end, she could only think that her father hated herself because she was not good enough and not worthy of being loved, otherwise her father would not verbally abuse her.
Judy, who couldn't get his father's love, quickly put this need on other men. Yes, that man is a jerk, but who cares? Isn't she also the slut in her father's mouth? In her boyfriend, Judy found the feeling of being loved and needed. Moreover, the crazy things she did with the gangsters not only allowed her to vent the grievances and anger she suffered from her father, but also made her feel like a master. This sense of value and autonomy has never been in the family. In the past. Moreover, since the father insulted her as a slut, he just went to depravity, is there still a pleasure of revenge?
Jim's arrival made Judy quickly realize his difference. The troubles of family problems made them feel the same, and more importantly, Jim's love for her made her find her lost self. You know, Jim still expresses good feelings to her after he knows her "bad" clearly. For Judy, this is equivalent to telling her: "You are good, and you are worthy of being loved." When such information arises in a person's heart, the best part of her self will naturally be awakened. The so-called power of love is nothing more than this.
After she has experienced the feeling of being loved, she can also truly love someone. Falling in love will nourish and grow her soul, and also make life meaningful.
Unsatisfactory father
Compared with Plato and Judy, the actor Jim's growth environment does not seem to have any obvious problems, the family is complete, there is a father who loves him, and he also loves his father. But why is he still so rebellious? Fighting, drinking, let parents break their hearts.
Material giving is obvious, but love is hard to express.
Jim's parents thought they gave their children a lot of love, but Jim felt it was totally different.
First of all, if parents love their children, they must first learn to maintain a healthy and harmonious relationship between husband and wife.
In the process of transforming from a boy to a man, the child will unconsciously form the appearance of the man he wants to be in his heart, and the father around him will inevitably become his first role model. However, Jim gradually realized that his father did not fit his ideal image of a man. Since he was suppressed by his wife everywhere in his life, he naturally could not help him get out of trouble when his son was controlled by his mother. Of course, he could not let his son respect him. And trust. More often, they spend their time in endless quarrels while ignoring the true feelings of their sons. Jim constantly expresses their dissatisfaction with sabotage behaviors, and their mothers constantly use moving to avoid problems.
The weakness of his father is exactly what Jim thinks is the most unbearable weakness in men. He loves his father and hopes that he will become the strong and courageous man he is looking forward to. However, the father will not become another person because of his expectation, just like Jim will not become well-behaved because of his parents' expectation. Everyone's personality improvement can only be accomplished spontaneously, and the positive energy around him can be promoted. Negative energy will cause damage.
The consequence of their poor relationship between husband and wife is that as a child, Jim automatically took on his father's pain on the one hand, and on the other hand he hated his father's inability to end this pain. The tear caused by this love-hate relationship made him almost crazy.
Secondly, if parents love their children, they must learn to listen to him, understand him, support him, and be his strong backing.
The most classic scene in the film is the triangular confrontation between Jim and his parents in the living room. After Judy's boyfriend lost his footing and lost his life, Jim, who was involved in it, told his parents what happened and tried to express his thoughts and feelings to his father. The father also tried hard to listen to the child, but he could not put away his eagerness to express himself, let himself enter the son's emotional world and empathize with him, communication, as always, failed.
After Jim expressed that he wanted to go to the police station to surrender, the listening momentarily disappeared, and his parents could not understand his son's decision. They once again started the same mode of conversation, trying to persuade their son to listen to their own arrangements. The self-centered mother immediately decided to move again, arbitrarily, adding fuel to Jim's emotions.
Under Jim's persistence and argument, his father began to hesitate, but his mother's attitude remained tough. Jim, who was unable to communicate with her, sent a distress signal to his father. He hoped that his father could stand firmly with him. One is to support himself to do what he thinks is the right thing, and the other is that he still has expectations of his father and hopes that he will be the key. At the moment, you can stand up like your ideal man, make a decisive decision, fight back against your mother forcefully, and give yourself the power of love. However, the silent father disappointed Jim again. This time, it was despair.
After a sigh, Jim pounced on his father, loving but not turning into hate, hating iron is not steel, hating dad cannot help.
This period of parent-child conflict broke out. As communication was blocked, contradictions continued to stack. The contradiction between Jim and his father, between Jim and his mother, and the contradiction between parents, seemed to form a high wall of reinforced concrete, which could not be washed out. , Couldn't get around, the atmosphere was so depressing that it was suffocating, and he even saw himself in tears.
After the conflict, Jim left the house again. At that moment, he gave up the transformation and dependence on his father, and he also gave up resisting his mother. Even without the support of his parents, he still decides to do what he wants to do alone and become the man he wants to be. The road to growth is sometimes destined to go on alone.
It was a mixture of things, three lonely teenagers who left home came to the abandoned castle, Plato's spiritual home, and formed a temporary "family". They seem to have grown up overnight, and they seem to have longed for it for a long time. They can't help acting as the adults in their eyes in the free air, being the masters of their own families, telling their own hearts, and living in a virtual home far away from reality. After a relaxing and happy dream time.
However, the good times are always short, and the revenge of the gangsters came to give Jim a real test. If he goes to protect Plato, he has to face the dangers from both the punks and Plato, and at the same time protect Judy. But Jim did not hesitate, he knew what he had to do, and he was convinced that it was the right thing to do.
With his bravery and sincerity, Jim stepped closer to Plato who was frightened hidden in the dark, slowly calming his emotions, regaining his trust and successfully unloading the magazine. The moment he walked out of the gate, the mistrust between the police and Plato caused tragedy. Plato shot himself and Jim's efforts vanished. Is there a wall that cannot be crossed between the child and the adult?
Faced with Plato's unexpected death, Jim was heartbroken. The father who witnessed the whole process stepped forward and said: "You have done what a man can do." This is the father's recognition of his son's behavior, and it is also the affirmation of one man to another man. After this night, he finally understood what his son needed, and he also knew that the son in front of him had grown up, and he also found the answer to his own question. But after his father's words, Jim cried bitterly while holding his father's thigh like a child.
In front of his weak father, Jim tried his best to become a strong man; but after great sadness and frustration, facing his gentle and firm father, he found that he was still a fragile child, and he could finally rest assured in front of his father. Be a child of a child. Perhaps, what he discovered at the same time was the cruelty of life. He has always been eager to do the right thing once and live like his ideal man. However, when he did this, he found that he could not change anything in the end. The rules of the game in the adult world remain the same.
But Jim still changed a few things. He changed his father's view of him and his relationship with his father. Faced with Jim’s request for help again, the father firmly and forcefully supported his son and told him: "You can rely on me and trust me. No matter what happens, I will face it with you. I will try to be strong in accordance with your expectations. Come on." I think this is the most man Jim has heard from his father, and it's what he wants to hear the most.
The mother who stood not far away watched all this silently, with tears on her face, not knowing whether she was moved or lost. Maybe she finally understood a little bit, closing her mouth at the right time, keeping a certain distance from her husband and children, they can really do better.
From the experiences of the three children, we can roughly see what kind of influence the existence of the three kinds of fathers will have on the growth of the children. Absent fathers should be very few, but bad fathers are not uncommon, and unsatisfactory fathers are everywhere, including ourselves. So, accept the child's rebellion. The important thing is that you know that you are the biggest reason for TA rebellion. If you want to change, the answer lies in yourself. In many cases, what kind of person the parents are is more important than what the parents do.
Look, this 1955 movie is not outdated at all today, right?
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