Due to sir's Weibo recommendation, I stayed up the night before and finished 8 episodes of the American drama "Unbelievable." After watching it, I was very excited and wanted to share the Weibo recommendation of the movie to WeChat Moments, but I didn’t know what taboos I encountered and couldn’t share successfully. But I really want to say something, especially for women who have been violated, to give them some strength and let them know that the world is not all indifferent.
"Unbelievable" is a story with women as the protagonist. It is different from men in the past. Women are just vases. It is also different from the drama of the heroine Mary Su. This is a real, real story. A TV series for women.
At the beginning of the story, Mary was sexually assaulted in the middle of the night. After she called the police, the police asked her to repeat the assault process over and over again, ask for details, conduct physical examinations, and take photos, but no one gave her some. Psychological comfort, mechanical and prolonged alert processing made her feel very tired. Repeated interrogation over and over made her anxious, and there were questions with inconsistent answers before and after, so she was suspected by her adoptive mother and the police to report a false case.
There is an interesting point about Mary in "Unbelievable": Mary was not born into a happy family. Her mother had promiscuity and her father didn’t know which bastard she was. She was fed dog food, abused, and abused when she was a child. The mother’s bastard boyfriends and the bastard adoptive fathers of her foster family wanted to infringe. She had suffered a lot, which made her sensitive, impatient, and humble. She even wanted to be a bit "jerk" and "out of the ordinary". For one thing, she thought that in this way, others would think she was not easy to provoke and would not dare to provoke.
But on the contrary, people sympathized with her, and at the same time showed a skeptical and even disgusting attitude towards her behavior. In fact, this is also true. From the perspective of a normal person, we will sympathize with the children from an unhappy family and at the same time doubt whether the TA is paranoid in personality; we will also educate our children not to have family background. Complicated, or lack of parents, no one to discipline children to play. Just like Mary in the play, she was not believed when she was violated. Extending to other aspects, if a girl wears revealing clothes or has a special job, when she is violated, everyone will use her as an excuse for not being a "perfect victim" to cause harm to her again.
This point in the play is also worthy of our reflection. When a problem comes up, can we look at the problem from an objective perspective, instead of putting the sign of "disbelief" on the person without any evidence because of the person's family background and life background.
Another very special point of the play is that the rapists do not choose age, figure, or appearance in choosing the target of violence. They choose women who live alone at random. This means that any woman can be treated as a prey, regardless of whether you are beautiful, rich, or shy. In the eyes of psychopaths, they are aimlessly violent. In the play, the first victim was a thin girl who was underage while studying while working, the second victim was a fat girl with a polite smile and a sweet smile, and the third victim was already 60 years old. Black women. There are also interspersed stories about other victims, like the plump old woman who is already big and silver, and the girl who broke her leg because she resisted jumping off the building to fight. But without exception, regardless of the victim’s occupation, appearance, or age, the occurrence of this incident has changed their normal life trajectory, and even affected their communication, work, love, and friendship, and brought them to life. It's hard to heal wounds.
While watching the drama, my focus also focuses on thinking about the physical appearance of the victim. Because in too many domestic news, too many comments, there are uncomfortable remarks. If the victim is violated because of walking alone late at night or because of exposure to clothing, some people will condemn you why you are still outside late at night, are you engaged in an improper industry? Will condemn you why you should dress exposed, isn't this seducing others to commit a crime? Or if the victim is of average appearance, stature, or even older, then some people will comment that the victim has grown up like this and some people have violated it. The victim is really profitable for being violated.
Moreover, no matter how the victim handles the assault or afterwards, he will be criticized, humiliated and ridiculed a second time. If the victim took a photo for evidence when someone extended her hand to her, someone would blame her for not stopping it loudly or slapping her at the time. The news that the bus was touched by a man in the side seat); if the victim did not dare to resist when he was violated by others, he would call the police afterwards and be scolded why he did not ask for help in the presence of others but was violated by default. Did you get shit (refer to the news that a girl and her boyfriend went to massage together, and the masseur violated her through the curtain)? In public opinion, a large part of it is condemning the victim for not being a "perfect victim." It is blaming the victim for not being smart at the time, making the most sensible counterattack, and even directly attacking the victim without asking right or wrong. Some low-level insults in language. And those insults and condemnations to the victims undoubtedly constituted a second injury to them, and may even hurt them more deeply than they were violated in the first place.
Not everyone can make the wisest and most effective counterattack in the face of violations and criminals. Many people have never encountered this kind of incident before. When an incident occurs, it is easy to be overwhelmed and afraid to fight back effectively. Moreover, our previous education has not taught us how to deal with violations quickly. , Accurate, and ruthlessly make a decision. In the face of a sudden violation, most people's brains are blank, and they don't know how to fight back, or they don't dare to fight back, so that the other party will be punished. And when she reacted, called the police for help, and asked everyone for help, she didn’t want to get the accusations and lessons from others. What she hoped was comfort, help, and an early arrest when she was traumatized psychologically and physically. Go to the suspect and let him be punished as he deserves.
Just like the old black woman who was assaulted in the drama "Unbelievable", she was afraid to look at each other, and she also selectively forgot in the memories afterwards. There was only the memory of voices, and she was not suspected of committing crimes at all. Reminiscences of picture features such as appearance, height and body shape. The policeman, who is also a female, is much gentler when facing her victim. As long as the victim does not want to speak or recall, she will not force her to answer. The first victim, Mary, was not so lucky. She faced a relatively indifferent and mechanical male policeman. She had to repeat the details of her assault for different policemen over and over again. How to insert it? Where to plug it in? What do you use your fingers or what? Wait, because her memories are biased, everyone suspects lying. She suffered not only the physical injuries, but the police, counselors, adoptive parents, and friends all caused her injuries. Perhaps in a normal way of thinking, those people’s responses to Mary’s behavior are not too wrong, but if they put themselves in a little more caring for her, be more careful, instead of preaching, I am self-righteous and I do it for your own good. Can I try my best to avoid hurting her again and again?
I have also experienced some unpleasant things. When I was just an adult, I stayed at my cousin's cousin's house for a period of time, and sometimes helped them do something. At that time, one of the employees hired by the dairy they opened was someone who had a wife and children. One time, my cousin asked me to help me get milk from the cold storage. The employee was waiting in the cold storage. When I went to get the milk, the man put his hands on me and took off his pants. At that time, I broke free and ran out, standing outside crying for a long time, and went back without getting the milk. When I returned, I told her cousin's reproach, but because of the shame, I didn't dare to explain it in detail, except that the man took off his pants when I went in. The result was a reprimand. My cousin blamed me for being impolite, saying that maybe he was uncomfortable and took off his pants to check, and blamed me for not knocking on the door before entering. Later, I resisted not wanting to argue anymore, and I was reprimanded for the matter and couldn't stop it.
Later, after work, I encountered a thief who was found to have stolen his mobile phone on the spot. Apart from stealing the mobile phone, he was so nervous that he did not dare to scold him loudly or catch him, allowing him to walk away calmly in front of me. I have also encountered being pushed down by others when taking the bus. Although I feel very embarrassed and uncomfortable, but I am afraid that I have misunderstood others, but psychologically excuses the abnormality. I dare not turn around and slap him, so I can only slow down. Move slowly to a place out of his reach.
In my hometown, there is a distant relative who is also my neighbor. His eldest daughter is about the same age as mine, named Taotao. Taotao and I grew up together. After we didn't study hard, we also went to learn computer together. Although she seemed to be a little stupid than me when she spoke, her brain was absolutely normal at the time. There was a time when we often played together, and it was quite close. Later, I went out of town and only went home once in two or three years. One time when I went home, I heard that she was a little abnormal. She was arguing about committing suicide with a knife in the square, which alarmed the police. The neighbors said that she was lost in love by someone. That's why. Later, I went home again, and heard that she was more mentally abnormal. She was only in her early 30s and her hair was gray. She often talked to herself by herself, muttering that it was all about me (menstruation). You haven't let me go. Everyone guessed that she might be the man who was ruined (or even raped) and was irresponsible. That's why it became like this.
As we grow up, we will always experience all kinds of unpleasant things. The trauma caused by some things can slowly dissipate over time. But there are some things that may cause wounds that cannot be healed psychologically for a lifetime. For some more vulnerable people, the trauma caused by these things will make him live in depression all his life, or even make him mentally abnormal and behave madly. After being violated, the person concerned did not receive effective psychological counseling, and he would be scolded, insulted, and ridiculed by relatives, neighbors, and friends day after day... Sooner or later, the mentality collapsed.
However, the mistakes made by others, in the end, why do the offenders have to bear the consequences? Just like the girl surnamed Zhang who was sexually assaulted by a male landlord in Hangzhou before, the media reported that she was insulted by various people; even earlier, the parties involved in the pig army case mustered the courage to take their own lives. Previous encounters burst out for help, and most of the comments on Weibo selfies were mocking the girl in question. Such a sunny, confident and lovely girl would also be ridiculed by the Z Army as a celebrity host. she? There is also the girl who jumped from the building in Gansu. After being insulted by her teacher, she was depressed and couldn't think of jumping off the building, but the people watching the excitement underneath called her to jump down quickly............ There are so many piles of things. It's embarrassing and chilling. We have been calling for equal rights, hoping that women can be treated equally, but the society's malice towards women is indeed too much.
Undoubtedly, sex is a very pleasant thing for most people. But this does not mean that we can happily accept any person's sexual behavior in any way. Whether it's a man or a woman, I don't think it is willing to accept forced sex. Therefore, there is no equal sign between sex and sexual assault. I also hope that there will be no more offensive and insulting words to women who have already been hurt.
For female compatriots, as a woman who has experienced some unpleasant things and walked out optimistically, I give the following suggestions:
If you are unfortunately violated by others, I hope that you will never brand yourself with shame for the mistakes made by others. Regardless of whether J·C acts or not, when you encounter a violation, I hope you can choose to report to the police as soon as possible, keep good evidence, and do everything possible to seek legal protection.
Of course, the above item may not help you much. I hope you can appropriately use the power of the media to help you bring criminals to justice through the Internet. Or, if you are afraid of humiliation, and public opinion will bring you a second humiliation, you hope that this matter will not be pursued and passed quickly. This is also understandable. Then I hope you don’t punish yourself for the mistakes others have made to you after asking for help as best you can. Even if no one can help, or if you are ashamed to express it, you have to work hard to empower yourself, to do psychological interventions, and to protect your health and not to contract diseases. Never use a long time to torture yourself just for the wrongs the bad guys made to yourself. Remember, someone else is the one who made the mistake, not you!
It may be difficult to forget, but you have to come out bravely. I believe this world will always get better and better.
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