Mary Su, the greatest in the world, is by no means from a female writer on the Internet in my country, but from a female writer in Britain.
In such love stories that look dreamy and like a fairy tale, there is always an eternal core-whether I am beautiful or ugly, rich or poor, clever or stupid, I will find my prince charming.
There is nothing wrong with loving yourself, but loving yourself blindly is not a theme worthy of such a hype. I can understand why girls love this type of story so much, because I will feel itchy after reading it. I hope that Uncle Colin will stand downstairs in my house, wearing a black windbreaker waiting for me in the wind and rain, thinking about everything. Love me, I went to jail to save me, because I was fighting with Hugh Glen on a certain period, ignoring a group of beautiful and high IQ sexy girls around me, I was the only one in the eyes, standing in the corridor of the city hall when I was the fattest Without wearing a bra, like a washed cockfight, I shouted out that he wanted to marry me.
What a tempting daydream. After waking up, I was still the me, the ugly, poor, naive and proud me.
Where is the problem? A top handsome lawyer fell in love with an ordinary fat girl and was willing to stay with her for life. Attorney Shuai is not wrong, and ordinary girls are not wrong, but the combination of the whole sentence becomes an almost impossible thing.
There is a very core misconception here. As long as I am the truest of myself, I will definitely reap the best love. These are totally unrelated two things at all. First of all, let's talk about the truest self. Everyone is determined to be the truest self, but 90% of them cannot do it, because the truest self does not even love you. In "Black Mirror", there is an episode where everyone has a social rating displayed on the top of their head. You can see the person's popularity at a glance, and the most popular people are often the most hypocritical. Whenever you do something that is not loved by others, your score will drop a little bit until you are eliminated by mainstream society, unable to participate in decent gatherings, and unable to have a decent life. There is a female truck driver with a very low rating, which is my favorite. I told Xiao Wai I want to be that kind of person because I think she is the happiest. Xiaowai said, I might try to be a person with a high score, and then envy you with a low score. But when I think about it, I feel that I still can't do it.
The truest self is not the superego that fully meets the expectations of the society and strives for self-realization, nor is it the selfish, cowardly, lazy, willful, indifferent and evil self, but despite being selfish, cowardly, lazy, willful, indifferent and evil, it is still willing to meet the expectations of society and strive for self-realization. The valuable self. Laissez-faire is always easy and comfortable, and changing ourselves is always painful and difficult. We strive to pursue the value of living in order to become the easy and comfortable self through painful and difficult changes. Disappointed, I didn't see her working hard for a better self in BJ's body.
Talking about the truest self in love is the second level of error. If you really break through the first layer and become the truest self, you cannot guarantee that you will definitely exchange for love, because love is always two-way complementary. A self designed for yourself can only satisfy yourself. Love, its purpose is to please yourself, not to please others. If you want to please a certain person, you have to change for the other person, which is a paradox in itself. Furthermore, if both parties are attracted to each other, it means that both of you find each other's needs in each other. This is indeed the reason why love happens in the first place. But what about afterwards? After that, they will inevitably enter a process of mutual tolerance and self-change. No two people at the time of a love are exactly the same as the two at the end, because in the process of changing each other, some run-in success, some run-in failure. The reason for success is because there are more reservations and less change or both sides change simultaneously, the better. The reason for failure is because there are less reservations and more changes. In the end, no one looks like anyone else, or one party is changing while the other is unmoved. .
From the beginning to the end, BJ did not pay more for this relationship, and even I can hardly see what she did for this relationship. She just enjoyed the feeling of being loved by Prince Charming, but did not change herself because of it. I have to say that in real life, the probability of this kind of love happening is close to zero. There are so many celebrity gossips. By comparison, you can see that those women who can manage a good marriage and have a perfect husband are never silly and sweet.
To say that is too desperate. I am not an anti-loveist, on the contrary, I am one of the few naives who still believe that there is love in this world. There was a period of time when I was seriously poisoned by "The Strongest Brain". I was bored at home watching TV every day. From the first season to the fourth season, I never finished a single episode. I wanted to see how smart people’s performances can improve IQ, but my IQ did not increase, but I got a lot of life perceptions.
Let me talk about why I am obsessed with "The Most Powerful Brain". In fact, it is the same to like to see smart people and to like to see handsome guys. Look at handsome guys to wash their eyes and watch smart people to wash their brains. After all, there are too many idiots around, and it’s easy to lose yourself after a long time. If you go to a place where smart people get together, you will find that this world is really beautiful and kind.
I personally worship IQ, but anyone with a higher IQ has a halo effect in my eyes. At that time, chatting with my friends and talking about the topic of choosing a spouse, I suddenly thought of the question that we were talking about: Why do I look down on people who like me, and don't like me when I look at them? There is another reason, a problem of matching degree.
For example, there are many charming men with high IQ in "The Strongest Brain". The first one is Dr. Wei, who is highly educated, handsome, smart and humorous, and he is the standard for male gods. What kind of partner would such a man choose? The answer is his classmate while studying in the United States, who is currently a beauty teacher at Tsinghua University. Golden boy and jade girl, is there nothing to say. Wang Feng is also a fan of thousands of girls, and his girlfriend is also Li Lu, a contestant of "The Strongest Brain". So, with a more mundane perspective, if you want to find a boyfriend like Mark, at least you can't even read current affairs and news. There is a galaxy between CET-4 and CET-6, not to mention the gap between IQ of 130 and IQ of 80. It is estimated that communication is difficult.
learn by analogy. Our standards for mate selection usually add another level to our own standards. To put it simply, if we make a more conscientious score for all people based on our own values (note: only our own values), for example, if you give yourself a score of 6, then the person you like may be 8 points, 4 points for someone who likes you. This is very simple to explain. People with 8 points look down on people with 6 points, and people with 6 points look down on people with 4 points.
There are two points that need to be explained here. First: This score is based on each person’s own value system. For example, if some people value money most, then he may rate Tang Jiacheng on 10 points, and some people value looks the most, then maybe he will rate Chen Weiting or Bai Jingting. (It’s all my god’s dish, I don’t accept any refutations.) When the score is 10, some people look at knowledge, power, talent, ability, or responsibility, and it doesn’t matter if they even value it. You can do it in your value system. Rating. Second, this rating is very subjective, which is correct. It is possible that I am 6 points in my own eyes, maybe any blind man with 8 points will see me as 9 points. So this score has a certain range of fluctuations. For example, if you rate yourself 6 points, then you are probably 5-7 points in the eyes of others. Even so, your favorite 8-point male may still like 9-point female. You are still 2 points short, and these 2 points are a piece of the Pacific Ocean.
How to do?
In fact, it's simpler, and give yourself extra points. If you like an 8-point male, you have to cultivate into an 8-point female. In other words, if you like good grades, then you can study hard. If you like to make money, then you can work hard to make money. If you like sunny and cheerful, then you can adjust your mentality and make friends. For example, I like people with high IQs, but it is more miserable. After all, this is something you can’t practice even after watching "The Strongest Brain" in a lifetime and drinking 600 walnuts.
In addition, everyone's friends are all people with the same score in their own value system. After you improve your score, you will have the opportunity to meet more people with the score you like. Maybe you will meet your own Mr. .right. The most important thing is that only when you give yourself 8 points, those boys who you give them 8 points can see you. As for whether they like you after seeing you, it depends on your good fortune. . What's more, Wendi Deng likes to pursue high scores endlessly. There is no highest, only higher, which is also admirable.
Go back to the old saying, if you like someone, try to be like him. If in the end you become the person you like, but still can't get his love, you won't suffer, because you have become more charming.
The words are rough but not rough.
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