I have a childhood, there is no doubt about that. But I only remember that when I was a child, I was always very nervous. Fear of all living things from flies to cats, fear of all teachers-most of the time, I don't have the courage to look directly into the teacher's eyes, afraid of grades below excellent homework-secretly taking advantage of the teacher no longer revising the workbooks handed in, afraid of most Classmates-I was too tall in elementary school and there were always obstacles to getting along with others.
So I can't say that my childhood was happy, and Dangjean can't be sure that it was unhappy, but it must be full of nervous heartbeats-the same speed as Antoine runs.
I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I never try to recall the same year-because it's not so fast anymore.
So this caused me to feel sad when I watched [400 Blows], and fell asleep in front of the most classic long-distance running camera.
My favorite poster in Japan was [400]. Half of the boy's face was blocked by the sweater collar, and he stood bored against the wall with his arms folded. That was the look I liked when I was in junior high school. In winter, I always wear a rust-red turtleneck sweater and pull up the double-layered collar to cover my mouth-I hate my mouth, it is the ugliest organ on my face. I also like to stand with my hands crossed on my chest, because that would not look lonely and pitiful-think about standing upright with my hands weakly hanging on both sides of the body, like a scarecrow, falsely lonely. Every child who does not have a perfect childhood will always dress in this way and behave strangely. They wear woolen hats or gloves in all seasons, and do not wear hard-collared shirts. They like to have their own heels when standing and never walk well. This time shows his strength. It's just loneliness and helplessness.
Antoine, you are my brother. You are very happy when your mother is happy. You are usually obedient at home. You will always pour the dirty trash. Sleeping on the small living room bed will not complain. Mom won't give you a replacement. You don't care about the clean sheets, you are full of talent, love Balzac, and write an outstanding composition but you are laughed at by the teacher.
Dad will only threaten to send you to a military school, but will not praise or encourage you. You have a great tablemate-but only one-and it is not useful at critical moments. You are not burdened, I know you There is a reason, you are forced.
Poor brother, you are very kind and can't do bad things. Lying is just like what you said is the only effective way of communication, stealing is just a whim, and running away is simply an unbearable solution. You desire freedom, but you don't desire much. You just want a listener rather than a tyrant. You just want a home rather than an eaves. You never expect absolute freedom, nor do you need it. What you want is freedom under normal control—not just laissez-faire or violent restrictions. After all, you are a lonely child.
No one's life is all black or all golden. Your family is squeezed in the car in thick winter clothes-as cute as a family of penguins who need to warm each other. The stepfather joked in the movie, his mother pretended to be full of the garden and pushed him, and you laughed loudly-like the harmony of a perfect family.
It was the only warm color, but just like freshly baked bread, the golden color that was baked quickly dries in the air, leaving only dry pale sugar. Antoine's joy as other children only stayed at this moment in the same year, and then disappeared.
Antoine, let me hug you. When your mother came to the prison to look at you, stare at you suddenly, even sneer contemptuously, when your stepfather cruelly left you in the cell, when your friend could only push the bicycle away. Let me hug you and let you run.
I haven't seen your long-distance running in the annals of history, but I know that it must not be like the cheerfulness described by others. If you don't want to run away, you will only be more lonely. But just like you lie, steal, play truant, and run away, there is no other way out.
I believe that at this very moment, there are thousands of Antoine running aimlessly on different streets, trails, mountain roads of the earth-running out of their lonely childhood in black and white movies.
And at this moment, I have escaped.
Excerpted from [Watching Movie]
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