Because I didn't watch any movies at all. Some time ago, I really hated movies. I really hate them. I feel that the phrase "Don't mention movies to me" in "The Catcher in the Rye" completely expresses my heart.
Recently, I have been choosing a school. What kind of university and major I am going to study in the United States is really a complicated matter. Hu Shi said that college students should choose their majors based on "the closest they are to their sex, and the best they can." The difficulty lies in finding this criterion.
Probably because I have been choosing a school, I am always thinking about things like life, study, career, and career planning. I think if there is one thing I can be sure of, that is, I definitely don't want to be a film director in the future, I don't want to be a director anymore.
I think Gallo has a sense of Jia Hongsheng.
This Buffalo makes me seem to miss the 2001 "Yesterday". It's all in the same game. Jia Hongsheng also expressed a positive attitude towards the ending of "Yesterday", but the final end of life seems to be the fake ending in "Buffalo 66".
It's like I really see the faint flow of darkness, even when he buys hot chocolate for the last time, when he buys sweet cookies, I feel that everything is not practical and warm. Although I believe that he does want to show that love saved him, it is like Haruki Murakami's saying "As long as there is love, life will be saved." I believe this, and love has also saved me.
But when I watched it, I felt that even if it was happy and warm, even if I did leave a drop of beautiful moving tears, I could still see the black oil flowing in this beautiful plot, which could be ignited at any time.
So when I saw his introduction, he said that he still doesn't trust any women or love. I also think it's normal.
Semi-autobiographical. This kind of thing is very worrying and uncomfortable. I have always been unable to resist the semi-autobiographical infiltration of people's hearts. Just like when I was in my third year of high school, I spent my evening self-study time watching Dazai Osamu's "Disqualification in the World", and then my body was trembling constantly between excitement and darkness throughout the night.
Speaking of Buffalo, every place is a story, every place is. Today I just received an email from Buffalo University, saying that it would give me a decision within fifteen days. I really don’t know what I think, but I didn’t think about it. It’s hard for me to say all of this. My parents don’t care about all of this. My dad never knows which schools I chose, which majors, and where. It doesn’t matter how big the United States is.
I don't know all of this, I'm just convinced that I did apply for Film studies at Buffalo University a week ago. Now I have many new impressions of Buffalo.
Gallo's mental illness is very typical. The present defects caused by the lack of love in childhood in the typical psychoanalysis.
Insecure; sharp; sensitive; aggressive and defensive; low self-esteem; vulnerable; never grow up.
From beginning to end, his yelling, anger, babbling, avoiding physical contact, emotional... It
's really not easy for this kind of person to live in this noisy world. Since he can live like this in real life and can make movies, I think he must be extremely strong and charismatic.
But I am more Confuse. I wonder if a society like the United States can really tolerate all of his and his dark love.
I hope so, a person like Vincent Gallo, he is not Vicent Van Goah but he does have many of the same characteristics. He is able to make movies in the United States and has the human, material and financial support. I am really very confuse. I feel that a person with this personality will never be able to make a movie successfully (self-written, directed, and acted) or lead a team. organizational. But this happened. I can't find an explanation now. I really hope that it is because of the environment. I hope that the United States is such an inclusive society that can tolerate people like us.
I think that a person should be treated fairly. I always believe this. They always say, "A person must be worthy of the hardships he has suffered." How difficult it is. But I believe that all human beings are equal, and everyone should enjoy the same amount of happiness. I know that those who say this sentence are very kind, but there are always national slaves who don't understand it, so they use it to put pressure on it. I think the environment still has an impact. For example, if you live in Ya'an, there has been an earthquake, and you have disappeared from this world. You have not had time to make up for your suffering, so no one will pick you about how you depend on the environment or something. So I think that sometimes death is really a good way to get rid of stress and responsibility and all reasonable and unreasonable explanations and comments.
The reason why a person is sharp, inferior, stubborn, vulnerable, and aggressive when he is 20 years old. He must have been injured when he was 10 years old, so he has no sense of security. This injury is an undercurrent of black oil flowing in his blood. But he has been so unfortunate for 20 years, and his character like this is not his fault. He has suffered too much, but he has reached the age of 20. In the future, in the days to come, it will be because he has been forged. This character brings more harm, no one tolerates him, no one sees his soft but loving heart.
But in this way, can we still tell him that you have to be worthy of the suffering you have endured? What does he do? His hands and feet are tightly bound, He has no ability. I think the environment is actually quite compelling sometimes.
Having said that, I am still confuse. What is it that enables a person like him to write, direct and act on his own? It plays a decisive role in the American film industry.
I really don't know all of this. I don't know the meaning of life for people with our character. I don't think so. I feel that there is no such a girlfriend in my world who has come to see me with the same beautiful heart, without love and being loved. I feel that I have no world, and I have no value. We are such a marginal figure who does not belong to society.
Why do I have to go abroad? After all, it is a kind of suicide. I don’t think I belong to this world. I don’t feel any value. That is to say, everyone is valuable, but I feel that I may be a chicken. I accidentally grew like a human, so I live as a human being. In my life, I feel that this is what makes me worthless. People of our kind, people who are insecure and trustworthy, sharp, aggressive, timid, kind, and naive. People like us really have no value. Every minute, every second, We can't do anything for no reason. This reason is not a profound thing. It is true that everyone has a reason. Each of you is worth continuing, but I was really a mistake, and my birth was a mistake. Although I did not prevent my mother from watching Buffalo win the football game, I made a mistake.
In fact, I want to go because I want to go.
I think suicide is also true, but I think suicide brings many bad consequences. My body after death cannot withstand all the more pressure and trouble caused by me. So I regarded going abroad as my suicide. Anyway, just disappear in my world.
But just now, when I really learned about all of Gallo, I suddenly wondered whether people with our personality are actually valuable and can do something. I have no idea. I really do not know.
But I have been seeing what majors the Columbia school to choose in the past few days. That school is so strange that FILM&VIDEO still needs to choose fine majors until the sophomore year. I actually want to study film art but I haven't yet. I really looked at all the courses and analyzed and compared all the pros and cons. I feel that I can’t learn anything. I can’t communicate and can’t make a film. I can’t write a script well in English. I’m weak and can’t resist flying. It feels like I can only learn director. I think it’s very strange. I obviously wanted to choose any major as long as I didn’t learn director. After reading all majors, I found that I still have to learn Directing. There is no other ability to learn.
In fact, I really want to do whatever I want. It would be great to be able to enter this industry in the future. Originally, film directing is a profession that can’t find a job, so I feel like I can give someone a box lunch in the future. It's all okay, whatever you want. But for the fourth time I talked about Confuse, can people of our character, Gallo even make movies? It’s really strange, I’m so hard to understand. If I say that the environment can tolerate me after I arrive in the United States and let me make movies, then I still want to do it.
But I don't want to be adulterous anymore. Just go out casually.
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