A story of a widowed marriage in the United States. It seems that widowed marriages are not unique to China. Many countries have similar views on the positioning of men and women in the family.
Husband Drew is not that he does not love family, but he is more accustomed to self-employment, playing games in his free time, and less involved in child rearing\education; more accustomed to being a cheerleader, going home and saying hello, asking his wife How tired it feels is not tired, but there is no actual action.
Behavior comes from cognition. If a husband thinks that he is a cheerleader from his mind, how can he play a game in the arena of family parenting?
His wife Marlowe is a mother who is pregnant with a third child and is about to give birth. She has a daughter who started to be strict with herself in elementary school, and a son with autism spectrum disorder who is afraid of stimulation and has a strong desire for rules and order and goes to kindergarten.
Marlowe's stressor:
Before giving birth, her main source of stress came from her son.
1) Extra care for the son himself.
Because his son has autism spectrum disorder, Marlowe needs to help his son brush his body with a brush every day to help his son conduct sensory training and make it easier for him to adapt to external stimuli. Because she didn't have much money for systematic training, she learned this method from youtube and used it every day, hoping that her son would get better as soon as possible.
The son is very sensitive to order and rules, such as parking for school. If he doesn't stop at the original position, the son will lose his temper.
One of Marlow's dreams was that her son kept losing his temper, kicking her chair while she was driving, and then suddenly another son appeared in the co-driver. This made her feel very anxious and at a loss.
2) The son's principal strongly recommends that his son transfer schools.
Due to his son's special circumstances, the principal felt that it might affect other children and felt that his son was not suitable for public education and needed one-on-one care. But the principal spoke very tactfully, saying that his son is quirk, not that there is a problem. Despite this, it also makes it difficult for Marlowe to accept. She refused to accept the principal's saying that her son needs special care. She didn't want to face this reality.
3) The family's financial situation is average.
Marlowe is the company's hr, and her husband is a public office, and he does not have a large income. Therefore, whether it is the systematic training of the son or the one-on-one caregiver for his son, Marlowe will feel a lot of financial pressure.
Especially when the brother said that he wanted to send her to night care, the husband's reaction was that besides not being comfortable with outsiders coming to take care of her, he felt that it was more affected by economic factors.
4) Former friends become passers-by.
Marlowe ran into a good friend who was once a good friend, but because of the misunderstanding and the long loss of contact afterwards, the two met again except for embarrassment and speechless escape, and there was no connection that could be easily evoked. Now Marlowe's world is filled with her family.
After giving birth, her stressor increased again.
5) Take care of newborns.
Except for the presence of the husband at the time of delivery, the husband has been disappearing or lethargic or playing games with noise-proof headphones as soon as the baby is born.
The United States, unlike China, has parents and confinement, especially the third child, so all the things that take care of the newborn, from the irreplaceable breastfeeding, to the alternative sleeping, changing diapers, cleaning, and sending the child to school , Being interviewed by the principal, Marlowe had to do it alone.
Fortunately, Marlowe does not have the psychological pressure to be affected in his career. But maybe, this happened when she gave birth to the first and second children, so when she gave birth to the third child, she had no career pursuit.
Marlowe's choice under pressure
What do people do when they are under pressure? Fight or flight? Either fight or escape.
What did Marlowe choose?
Fight if you want!
How did Marlowe deal with pressure?
Has she rebuilt her morale under tremendous pressure and has become a perfect housewife in the plots of various gods turning? This is not an inspirational story about a three-child family.
Did she call the night-care nanny her brother left for her? In theory, everyone understands this, including his husband, but in fact they don’t?
She transformed her 26-year-old Tali, a caring, sensible, smart, and energetic young self with a small waist.
So whenever night came, Tali came as scheduled to help Marlowe take care of the baby, clean up, make cupcakes for his son, and subdue the temptation with her husband.
All that Marlowe lost and couldn't, Tully helped her do well. So it seems that Marlowe has become better, energetic, and started running. The teachers in his son's new school are also friendly and kind, born from his heart, and everything seems to be developing in a super good direction.
If you don’t look at the back, this is simply too good an unreal advertisement for a good American nanny. Hiring a night nanny can give you a different life.
But it is not.
People's inner energy is limited, and the split self illusioned will have huge psychological consumption. So, it came to the day Tali was leaving. At this time Marlowe chose a coping strategy to avoid pressure. So he left the baby, ran away from the family, went to downtown to drink, got drunk, went to find his former friends, drove drunk, crashed and fell into the sea.
Who can save her? Only the mermaid that Tully became, the mermaid that has always appeared in his dreams. The mermaid is reality weighs down Marlowe's expectations for the freedom and beauty he once possessed. Every girl used to be 20 and 26 years old, charming and free, but with the change of age and status, those times will never be repeated.
Marlowe after waking up
Will Marlowe be reborn after awakening?
1) Say goodbye to Tali and re-accept yourself
The 26-year-old self turned out to be because Marlowe did not accept his status quo. So Marlowe needs to say goodbye to Tali, although he is very reluctant, but only by saying goodbye to Tali, Marlowe can learn to accept himself in reality. Thank you for the 26-year-old self, as well as for the self now. Existing in the present is the greatest meaning of life.
2) Will the husband grow up overnight?
The husband felt guilty for entering the ward. Marlowe said, "You don't have to be sorry, you did nothing." The husband said, "He knows that this is the problem."
It wasn’t until Marlowe’s car accident that my husband knew that there was no night nanny at home. Marlow had imagined that nanny. For so many nights, the husband spent all the nights in games with headphones, and didn’t care whether there was actually someone. Helping his wife.
Especially when Marlowe got postpartum depression during her second childbirth, a husband who was still such a big heart!
Is the way for a giant baby to grow up to let him experience something? The price is huge. And it seems to be effective only temporarily.
Although the scene of two people listening to music and cutting cucumbers at the end of the film looks very warm.
3) Accept the son unconditionally
After the injury, Marlowe came to brush his son's body as usual. The son asked her if it worked? Marlowe said she didn't know either. Ask your son if he likes to brush? The son said that maybe there is no need to brush. The reason why my son has been cooperating with his mother for so long before is because he likes the feeling of sitting next to his mother, and he likes her mother.
Children’s love for their mothers is pure and unconditional, and mothers also need unconditional love and companionship with their sons. Even if the son may have some problems, the best medicine may be unconditional love and companionship.
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