"In the depths of everyone's heart, there is a pristine snowfield that no one has set foot in. There are no birds, no beasts, and only the moon is shining..."
Such a monologue, many years later, today , Still left me with the tremors and sighs when I first read: Such beautiful handwriting, really comes from a woman suffering from mental illness-Virginia Woolf?
Mental illness has always given people the impression of mystery and panic. Out of juvenile curiosity, I have compiled a list of celebrities and mental breakdowns. Gu Cheng, who committed suicide by his wife, Nietzsche, who claimed to be the sun, Dostoevsky in "Idiot", and piano poet Schumann... What a terrifying list. The chaos and pain; pain, more and more stimulate them to exhaust their wisdom and step into the highest hall of wisdom.
In the past, I always held metaphysical concepts and worshiped these predecessor heroes from the angle of looking up. I firmly believe that the so-called "crazy" definition, but from the perspective of normal people, normal people's norms, along with affection and contempt, are also normal people's wishful thinking. Perhaps, in the hearts of these few people who have been alienated from the world, he also has his own norms, "a pristine snowfield that no one has stepped into."
Even now, I still feel that John Nash is happy and dazzling in a certain sense. A person can grasp something in the mortal world and use it as the essence of one's life. This in itself is a kind of jealous luck, even if it is painful and crazy, it is worth it.
I have long heard that "Beautiful Mind" describes a Princeton University mathematics professor suffering from mental illness, and after all kinds of struggles, he won the Nobel Prize in Mathematics. However, in the first forty minutes of the film, I couldn't see any symptoms of John Nash, a mathematical genius.
Just after watching a film, Russell Crowe was so masculine that the figure was still shaking in the corner of the screen, and the girl beside him turned her head and smiled shyly, whispering: "So handsome!" The genius played by Russell is just a little dull. Qi, solitary and claustrophobic, with a little nervousness, he is a madman who indulges in his own realm. Besides, it's not that there is no cure. Isn't he talking and getting along well with his roommate Charles? We are gratified for him, "life has a confidant is enough."
We should be considerate of his hesitation and helplessness in his youth. Marianne Williams once said that our biggest worry is not our shortcomings, but the ability to make it difficult for us to follow the rules. When you pretend to be a genius, have no distractions, and are determined to contribute everything to it, there is a young genius Hansen who threatens you. Besides panic and anxiety, what other reasonable measures do you have?
Therefore, we forgive him for his weirdness. When the success came as expected, he did so well: he won the guarantee of Wheeler's research and became an excellent decoding expert, and even the FBI hired him as a secret agent...
everything is calm and it fits life. Ideal, even lovers will automatically appear. But is life really good? Everything is surging in the calm wave again.
His wife was aware of his weirdness: unprovoked disappearance, flustered behavior, unreasonable alienation... The wife called the psychiatrist. But Nash in the psychiatric ward warned us that it was Soviet spies and their conspiracy.
All sorts of clues have been exposed: the secret report that has never been opened, the "information room" that has been abandoned for a long time...even the fact that you lived alone in college! No FBI agents, no Charles! Actually, from the very beginning, we followed Nash's perspective and traveled through a world of "lunatics".
Of course you are surprised. Nash also refuses to admit that his independence is very different. No one wants to admit that the world he owns is illusory. It turns out that the person who accompanies you drunk, the person who cheers for you, the person who is dependent on your faith is the emptiness of the mind, and it has never existed for a moment. It turns out that I have been living in loneliness and delusion. The more realistic this illusion is, the harder this confession struggle will be. Who wants to bear the loss of tenderness?
His madness once again spread, and he came out of Hansen's office and saw this former competitor sitting in front of his past workbench. As soon as he entered the door, he said: "You have won." Infinite bitterness is extremely depressed. Hansen was awe-inspiring: "In fact, we didn't lose."
Hansen didn't know. When he cleared the siege with such grace, when he conceded defeat like a gentleman, the magic barrier in Nash's heart had already surged. Hansen would not know how heavy he was on his classmate who only knew how to tackle tough problems in mathematics because of his sleek, well-mannered, well-dressed, exquisite and even friendly and caring style.
Yes, he is introverted, narrow-minded, withdrawn, and low self-esteem, and Hansen is the sun above his head that cannot be looked up; he is just a lunatic "spurned" by others, and Hansen is a "normal person" who lives a leisurely life. He lost, he lost at the beginning.
He said to his wife: "Charles appeared at that time, and I really want to talk to them." In fact, the birth of phantoms was originally prepared for his painful moments, even if the truth of their packaging was torn apart, But to put aside, is it easier said than done? This is a man’s dream: strength, support, accomplishment, and stimulation and temptation outside of a boring life. If it is a woman, it may be transformed into another form: maybe a mirror, hypnotizing yourself: "You are the most beautiful woman"; maybe a phantom, coaxing yourself: "I love you the most"...none of them It's beyond the recognition and attention of others.
Deep down in everyone's heart, there is a gap that yearns for the light. If there is a mistake, it can only be filled with illusion. However, it becomes terrible when it becomes a mental illness. I feel chills for the first time. If I have to ask every moment, "What is real and what is imaginary? Do you believe in yourself or return to the world?" Can you stand it?
I admire Nash's courage. He is always harassed by hallucinations, but he has become accustomed to ignoring them and doing his best to re-invest in the wilderness of reality. The Nobel Prize can only be regarded as an icing on the cake. The true crown belongs to the imaginary and real wilderness of Nash's mind. For the wife who will never leave, and for the man who loves and hurts and can be touched, he is willing Overwhelmed and unheard. Among them, how much suffering did it suffer?
If the world is perceivable, if consciousness truly reflects objective existence, and if the red flowers and green leaves in our eyes have not deceived us, I am willing to believe in materialism with all my heart at this moment.
When I wrote these words, my stomach was overwhelming. Even so, I feel lucky because I can clearly point out the nature, intensity and location of the pain; I am so convinced of what the mind wants to express; The person who smiles and angers at me is real with tactility; even in sorrow and loneliness, there is sober and sharp.
Birth is an experience. Every human heart has a dense and vast plain of primitive snow, and every eye can become an Arather mirror that satisfies desires. Only behind the mirror, Principal Whitebeard Howards said to Harry Potter, who was addicted to the illusion, "Don't forget life."
Don't forget life, and don't forget the person who is heartbroken for you.
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