Owen, who was very mourned, said "I miss you" gently in front of his wife's monument, went home and put on new clothes, looked in the mirror to see if his teeth were clean, and then hanged himself solemnly... I was already I couldn't control the tears.
This feeling of being out of tune with the world from the heart is so similar to me now...
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This is a man who insists on his original coin, who needs newspapers in his car for outsiders, who has to sit at a fixed seat in a coffee shop and leave at two o'clock, has severe obsessive-compulsive disorder and a control freak. This man with a stinky temper but a soft heart is really too lonely and too eager to be loved.
Thinking of the pictures of himself and his wife, and then kicking over the stool without hesitation, he actually couldn't feel the love of the world at that time. In other words, the death of his wife made him lose the bond with the outside world, and he was no longer willing to live in harmony with the world.
"To die" is not easy. In this "living to death" journey, I saw his life.
Three hangs. Twice disturbed by new neighbors, the third seemed to be successful, the hanging rope actually broke. When he was about to die, he thought of his mother's funeral; when his father touched his wife's photo, he acted similarly; when he grew up and got good grades, his father was killed by a train.
Suicide by car exhaust, failed again by being disturbed by new neighbors. This time he thought about his father's funeral; his neighbor's house caught fire and eventually made himself homeless; he met her later wife on the train; he finally ran into this girl again, and when he invited her to dinner, he had no good topics to talk about; The embarrassed proposal girl yelled at me.
Ready to commit suicide. A man suddenly fainted, and he went down to save him while everyone around him was watching indifferently and even filming a video. Standing on the rails begging for death, he suddenly thought of his father, and failed to commit suicide again.
The later memories seem to no longer unfold as a result of suicide. When he was young, he became friends with Lunet, who had similar personalities, but they went against each other because of the different car models he liked. Stubborn, he thought it was betrayal, and probably in his eyes, liking it should be a lifetime thing.
The words of the insurance man in the white shirt made him despair again. He thought about the pram his wife made when she was pregnant. Probably a more painful past. He picked up the shotgun and committed suicide again, but failed because of the doorbell for the newspaper boy.
On patrol, he learned that Rooney was about to be forced to move and decided to appeal for him, and became angry when the phone complaint hit a wall. After a big fight with a neighbor woman, he recounted the painful memory. On the way back from the trip with his wife, he felt fetal movement, he hid in the toilet, just because he was moved to tears. But the car accident happened suddenly, the child was gone, and Sonia was disabled.
In the end, Sonia passed away from cancer.
Looking back on such a life: the early death of his parents, the paranoid personality, the loss of children, the early departure of his wife, and the various things around him that made him so dissatisfied, this is really not a lucky life.
But whether it was picking up a wallet when he was a child and handing it over to the public office, returning the half-monthly salary advanced by his father to the foreman, saving people before lying on the track, or even helping others impatiently when his suicide was interrupted again and again. He is kind after all.
But the past that flashed back, the past that was important to him, was not much happy. How many times has he looked at the sky in his memory? Really lonely too.
And the only consolation in the world: Sonia, also died.
So he did everything possible to decide to die.
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But in the reality parallel to the memories, the changes in the world around him also seemed to slowly melt his "shell"... He still ate the meals that the new neighbor sent him that was not in line with his habit; he refused to fix the radiator for the neighbor and finally I still went; I quietly complained to Lunet that Lunet, who seemed to be in a vegetative state, actually pulled on his water pipe; he told stories to the children in the hospital with the tone of a "talking bear" and got a big bear hug from the children after coming back; The stray cat he hated was forced to be rescued by the neighbors; he couldn't stand the "playboy" teaching his neighbors to drive, so he decided to teach him himself; when he helped the neighbors with their children, he took the time to tidy up the kitchen and repair the dishwasher, and later, he even started Take the initiative to do something for others.
A smile gradually appeared on his face. He laughed when he made faces with the little girl opposite him before going to bed, laughed when he bumped into a Volvo, and locked the newspaper woman in the garage to be laughed at by the neighbors.
You see, sometimes you get caught in a vicious cycle of bad emotions, and you feel like you can't get out of it, and you can't see hope. That's because you give up "going out" too easily. You just need to let go of the heavy past, you need someone to hold you and feel that you are needed. You need love, you need a hug from the world.
The reason why Owen came out is also the same. There are more ties in his world: he has a cat, he has a new neighbor who is always bothering him, and he has "relatives", so he has endless stay. reason of the world.
Of course, he has his own problems. As the neighbor said, although he says he will never give up, he is always the first to give up; but no one can do it alone.
Although he left the world in the end, I think he was no longer lonely when he left.
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Sonia said: Do we choose to die or live?
Facing the man in shirt, Lunet's wife said, what about the love between her and Lunet, even if Lunet didn't know her, it was enough for her to know.
Really, we live because there is always hope in the world, there is endless love and being loved.
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2018-08-30
A very mourning night and a very mourning me, from continuous tears to being healed, I hope my heart will not fall into an endless cycle so easily, to love, to be embraced by the world.
PS Swedish is really a bit of a fan.
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