When we talk about two words in a relationship, love and need, it always comes up with a cliche that love is pure/instant/shallow to some extent and need, in the contrast, sustainable/mundane/durable in the long term. A couple could fall into love when they have each one's first sight, however, only if it feeds both of their needs in deep will this affair last till the marriage, or the whole life.
Erich Froom, a famous Germany psychologist, argued in his remarkable book < The Art of Love > that man in love should always hold his loyalty to himself, keeping "self" in a complete form while overcoming the loneliness he faced before this bond was established . He then said that task of love is to inquire for an answer to the living question of the human beings, not its immature form, that is, an organic mutual living combination either in mental or physical.
What is the organic mutual living combination? In short, an unbalance lagged between the two sides. For one part, asking all the time in some aspect; for the other part, receiving all the time. You satify with my need, then I will reimpurse later -- a reciprocity in multiple levels. Erich depreciates such low-taste relationship which is too much shaped by the reality, the most common situation witnessing in the real life. He expects that both men and women should have faith in discovering their true egoes with the help of love; conseqently, these paticipants share merits under a strict standard: repect, careness, responsibility, etc. Ideal husbands and wives, or sterotypes of man-woman roles as I say.
Talking about needs in a relationship doesn't deserve such critique if we try to figure out the nature of love. Let us consider what is the nature of "pure" love? Crush for a sudden, irrationality, spirits lighting for one night.. ., along with qurrals, strugglings, and pain. Yet love has been praised for thousands of year in swift senerios not involving real marriage life. Our maids and gentlemen consumed all the sweetness and acuity in love, even fighting against the thwarts from family, time, distance, country, and age off course. Afterwards, boom, the story ends and the curtain shuts and marriage extraced from such love discussions. That's insane and awkward! People definitely cannot take it seriously as these never happen in complex world around them .The worst thing is that they will make deliberate contradiction between reality and stories though hold hopeless opinions about boredom in daily life.
Then needs are top of the list which worth considering about when you decide whether or not to begin with someone. The topics you mentioned at the first touch only intriges common interests; you will not acess to the needs in limited time because they may not realize them. If they cannot recogize needs, drop the next invitation. I shall speculate that needs are not shameful but fit most to the actuall context you are in. Needs reflect potential living conditions and valuable components that facilate the process to happiness. Only had needs be fullfilled could a resonance in souls emerge in absote low probability, pessimistic as I am.
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