First of all I wish all readers a Merry Christmas! When it comes to Christmas, I have to mention this classic work "A Christmas Carol", which is from the writing of British writer Dickens. .
This work tells the story of a miser like Grandet, Scrooge, who is finally enlightened because of the inspiration of three ghosts. At the beginning, Dickens used vivid brushstrokes to portray the image of a hardcore miser. He was so greedy, selfish and ruthless that he was reluctant to add a piece of coal to the staff's fire; his cheerful nephew kindly invited him to participate. At the Christmas Eve party, he thought that his nephew refused to take advantage of him; everyone was afraid of him, even children dared not say hello to him, and the beggar never expected to get a piece of copper from him... ...
however, the appearance of the ghost on Christmas Eve changed all that. His old partner Marley's ghost is ready to "save" his old friend, sending three ghosts to give Scrooge a glimpse of his past, present and future.
The "Spirit of the Past" brought him back to his childhood. That miserable and poor child was left alone in the classroom at Christmas. He was alone and helpless, and vowed to change his tragic fate by working hard to make money. So, he worked hard day and night to make money, completely ignoring his once beautiful lover, who left sadly. Seeing all this, Scrooge was heartbroken...
"The Spirit of Now" showed him his cruelty and ruthlessness. He saw the suffering of the employees he exploited, and the warmth of their mutual care and support in the poverty-stricken situation, especially the youngest son of an employee, Dim, who was suffering from illness and had no money for medical treatment and could only wait. At the time of death, Scrooge's empathy began to recover, and the soft corner of his heart seemed to be touched...
"The Spirit of the Future" showed him the sad end of his current state. He was sick in bed with no one to take care of him, and when Christmas came, no one was there to see him. When his body was still cold after death, the valuables on his body were taken off and looted, and the little Dim who touched him at the time also passed away due to illness...
After the revelation of three ghost tours, Scrooge is completely enlightened, like being born again. Finding that it was too late, he completely tore up the mask of selfishness and ruthlessness, and the benevolent side was completely activated, so he treated the people around him with kindness, love, kindness, and tolerance, and life began to be full of warmth and joy...
For me In other words, this novel can be completely understood as a spiritual growth novel. The three ghosts made Scrooge understand his starting point and end point through time, and let his long-closed heart begin to reopen, giving him the opportunity to comfort the inner child who was extremely insecure because of his tragic childhood. After opening his heart, he can gradually perceive the pain of others, and he is compassionate because he understands, and the vigilance of the last death has made him fully understand how to arrange his own life without regrets. It is said that Dickens also cried and laughed during the writing process, completely quiet in Scrooge's feeling world, so the emotional transformation of the protagonist will appear so real and moving, because to a certain extent, this is also what Dickens wrote to An autobiography of his own psychotherapy.
Based on my own experience in psychological counseling, I also analyze the process and significance of psychological healing from these three stages.
Embracing and soothing the wounded child within
is the starting point of healing. Many of our emotional problems are actually related to our childhood experiences. Just as Scrooge's extreme miserliness comes from his own tragic childhood and traumatic experiences of extreme insecurity.
The book "Embrace Your Inner Child" points out that we need to recognize our inner fear, shame, fright and other emotions, because if we don't face it, we will wrap ourselves in a protective layer and lose The opportunity to deeply contact the vulnerable layer, embrace one's own vulnerability, and finally enter into one's own essence layer, the innocence of the innocent heart, love and trust, and the joy of peace. (Refer to the previous article Living a Sense of Strength: How to Soothe a Wounded Inner Child?)
As shown in the figure, the outermost circle, we call it the protective layer, in this layer, we wrap ourselves tightly through all kinds of struggles, hard work and earning money, all kinds of showing off, pleasing and titles to protect Our vulnerable vulnerable emotions; the second circle is our injured vulnerable emotional layer, the layer where we experience fear and shame, softness and openness that loses sense of security and trust after injury, and vulnerability mixed with fear, loneliness and shame; finally, the inner circle of the center is the core of existence, the location of our essence, in this space we are comfortable and flexible beings. In this center, life is a state of deep relaxation, one can appreciate one's own unique talents, and one does not have to struggle to prove oneself. Our inner journey is to rediscover our essential nature, to remove the protective layer, gradually enter the vulnerable layer, until finally reaching the core of the essence, to re-embracing that deep sense of relaxation and satisfaction, peace and joyful well-being.
2. Enhance empathy through role-playing
If you have read the book "The Good Angels in Human Nature", then you may understand that the reduction of human violence and the recovery of empathy are one of the important reasons. And this resurgence of empathy is inseparable from being able to experience the feelings of others through literature. Therefore, role-playing has always been an important means of psychotherapy. One of the reasons is that it helps to empathize and understand the emotions and pain of the other party.
Role-playing therapy was proposed and developed by psychiatrist Moreno, and this type of treatment is called psychodrama. It is also a kind of behavioral therapy. The purpose is to use the method of drama performance to make people discover the problem, understand the crux of the problem, and then better adjust the psychological state and solve the psychological problem. In role-playing, people can personally experience and practice the roles of others, so that they can better understand the situation of others, experience the inner feelings of others in different situations, and at the same time, reflect the inner feelings of the individual.
I use this method a lot in my nonviolent communication training. Once, a nonviolent mediation guru from New York asked us to role-play, and I was partnered with a female Japanese university professor, and we played a scene of a conflicting couple in a transnational marriage. I asked the "wife" and I We went back to our hometown to celebrate the New Year together, but the "wife" was more introverted, especially afraid of making noise, and was very hesitant, but she went back with me at my strong request. But "wife" had various discomforts, and I neglected to take care of her emotions, which made her find it intolerable to seek marriage counseling. However, my role felt that it was a big deal, so I started to state in front of the consultant. I deliberately made my role stronger. When the "wife" was describing the various grievances she suffered in my hometown, I pretended to be very The disdainful look is tit for tat. At this time, the university professor who played the "wife" actually cried while talking! Later, when we shared the role-playing experience, she said that my strong and indifferent appearance really made her feel very hurt. She couldn't express her many grievances, and it was very uncomfortable, so she cried.
This sentence suddenly shocked me, because my wife sometimes complains that I am very strong in persuading her to make a decision, and there is a kind of stubbornness (I think it is tenacity) that will not stop until the goal is achieved. Said it hurt, but I didn't take it seriously. But at this moment, I realized how hurtful my strength was, and a stranger who role-played was forced to cry by me. I had a sudden realization. Much like how Scrooge felt when he saw the suffering of little Dim, who was worrying him, he suddenly understood where the other party was in pain.
3. Live to the death, understand your purpose
Jobs said: "Remembering that you will die soon is the most important tool I have found to help me make the big decisions in my life. Because almost everything--- - Outsiders' expectations, inner pride, fear of failure or embarrassment - all these things will disappear in the face of death, leaving only those really important things."
Jobs, who lived to death, lived himself as a a legend.
Scrooge's final enlightenment was also because he saw his own ending, which he didn't want, and there were too many regrets and regrets. He understands what is really important in life.
Luckily for Scrooge, because the ghost helped him see the fear in his heart, he had a chance to do it all over again. Many people may sigh that this is just a fairy tale, and many regrets in life have been forged and cannot be repeated. I can understand the regret, but I don't agree with that as a reason not to change.
Confucius said, "It's okay to die when you hear about Dao in the morning." It's never too late for people to change. Face your inner fears, embrace your inner child, understand what is the most important thing in life, be kind to your loved ones, enjoy the moment, and live a rich and sensitive inner self, a true fragile but resilient self.
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