After the blood and rain of a semester has settled, and after a week of peace of mind, I finally have a feeling of completely burying the past and calming down. Finally, I will stop asking whether it is worth it. After many struggles, my New York itinerary has finally been finalized. In fact, I can't say the itinerary, but I have clearly listed the places that I have dreamed of for many years.
At this time, I had a strong urge to re-watch the 2008 movie version of "Sex and the City". Because in the process of doing the trip, I couldn’t help but keep thinking about it, where did my initial yearning for New York come from? The figure of the four women standing side by side gradually became clear in my mind.
In 2008, I was 13 years old.
Ah, actually speaking, what do you know at that age? He obviously doesn't understand anything, but he is full of curiosity about everything. The farther away, the more mysterious and taboo things are, the more they have an urge to get closer. The name Carrie Bradshaw became a splendid holy light in my heart at that age. At that time, I probably didn't understand friendship and love, but I couldn't help but yearn for her glamorous life - flowers, diamonds, famous watches and clothes, which were extremely dazzling. Looking back now, it's actually quite bad to let a simple little girl accept the influence of such values at that age? However, I really started reading fashion magazines on a regular basis from junior high school, learning about fashion brands and designers, and becoming more and more interested in jewelry. At that time, my favorite thing to do was daydreaming, imagining that one day I would be like Carrie, stepping on a pair of Manolo Blahnik, and shuttled through the streets of New York calmly and confidently. I believe that many of my friends in junior high and high school who have a good relationship with me know the story of my obsession with the five-carat Mr. Right. At that time, I was more angular, and I was never afraid to show others that I was different, even deviant. substance? What happened to matter. I like to use materiality as a label for me, as if it is also a symbol of taste.
This determination and complacency continued until the end of high school, and I never doubted that I would be getting closer to the kind of life I imagined, and I had my persistence. Then, there was the most tragic event in my memory. Five years have passed, and I can recall without sadness. But in short, the road I dreamed of since I was 13 has been completely cut off, and I can only accept that this is no longer a possible ending.
To this day, I will not judge at all whether the persistence of that year is childish or ridiculous. All the dreams I once had, even if they have not sprouted, will always be embraced by the fertile soil of my heart and cherished by me for the rest of my life. I have never forgotten.
At the end of 2017, nearly ten years have passed. On American soil, I continue to suffer and pay the price for reasons that are not clear. Everything has changed. The beautiful and light dream of a butterfly in the heart of the little girl ten years ago has failed to become a reality. Except, I'm finally about to set foot on New York soil.
Many people say that going to New York is actually the best spring and autumn. But apart from some objective factors, even if I can choose freely, I will definitely choose to go to New York at this time. Why, the answer lies in the movie "Sex and the City".
Two and a half hours later, once again, a sense of eternity spewed out. I found that many, many fragments that seemed to have been imprinted in my mind kept reappearing without remembering the source, and they all came from here. Year after year, when Christmas and New Year's Day meet, I always hum Auld Lang Syne unconsciously. What emerges in front of my eyes are Carrie and Miranda, who are hugging each other with a door open in the snow.
Ten years later, I still don't have Manolo Blahnik or Roger Vivier, and probably won't be in another ten years. But ten years later, I can finally wear my cheap but comfortable Martin boots, like Carrie, with a smile and a light face across the small snowdrifts on the streets of Manhattan. This is the magic of dreams. Time will change. Many things that I once yearned for so much I don’t care about at all, but they will also age in my heart forever. There will always be some attachments that will not change. will be realized.
Time flies, so many people and things are no longer missed, but the original dream is always there, never mentioned and will never be forgotten. At the age of 23, I am still fighting blindly, I still don’t know what I want, but I am still struggling to live up to my former dreams and my former self. In the past six months, my views on many things have changed a lot, and I will no longer have any expectations for the future, because I don't even know if I am qualified to have a future. But even so, Carrie says, "Have fun, as it should be in your 20s; learn a lesson in your 30s; pay for drinks in your 40s." Find a new spiritual home. I'm also a little curious. In another ten years, what kind of mentality will I have when I rewatch "Sex and the City" at the age of 33?
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