Family relationship with Chinese characteristics is a very interesting topic. Even Chinese families in the United States will strictly abide by this set of rules. for the first.
"Face" is directed by Chinese director Wu Siwei. It tells the story of fierce conflict and irony among a family of three generations of immigrants living in New York. The heroine, Xiao Wei, is 28 years old and a promising intern, while her 48-year-old mother, who lost her husband at an early age, lives with her grandparents and has never left the Chinese community in Flushing, Queens. Xiaowei is gay, and her mother, who knew the truth early, arranged a blind date for her almost every week. At a party, she met the excellent dancer Vivian, and the two rubbed the spark of love. Xiaowei is trembling to maintain an underground relationship, and her mother's unexpected pregnancy has broken the tranquility of this traditional family even more.
In order to find a father for the child in her mother's womb, her grandfather worked hard, and Xiaowei was also unbearable. The dual pressure of work and family forced her to neglect her girlfriend. The unexpected death of her grandmother completely shattered her mother's heart to fight, and Xiaowei did not have the courage to take on her love for Vivian in the traditional Chinese circle. On the eve of her mother's wedding, Xiao Wei saw the letter from her mother's unwilling lover. She hurried to stop the wedding and fulfilled her mother's year-long love that she was ashamed to tell. After regaining her freedom, her mother also accepted Xiaowei and Vivian's romance and arranged for them to meet again. Amidst the music, the faces of the two unusual lovers were filled with happy smiles.
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Xiaowei in the film has a beautiful appearance and is capable of work. Xiaowei's mother has also received a lot of praise from the three aunts and six mothers. They all praised her for raising an excellent and good daughter. Even at the end of the film, after Vivian's father agreed with the relationship between the two, he teased his daughter quite humorously: "Anyway, she also married a doctor." It can be seen that the doctor is an elite character in the Chinese circle in the United States. What kind of honor and status.
According to the calculation of the time, Xiaowei and Vivian’s parents all fled to the United States when the country was most turbulent and poor. Therefore, for them, the United States at that time was like a heavenly existence, and they were indifferent to the next generation. The expectation and education of a generation have naturally become integrating into American society, working hard, mastering a skill, and becoming a superior man.
Amy Chua, a Chinese-American professor who became popular in 2011 because of a book "Battle Hymn of Tiger Mother", is also a mother who adheres to this philosophy. Under her strict discipline, the daughters were not allowed to spend the night outside; not to invite playmates; not to participate in school performances; not to complain about not being allowed to participate in school activities by their parents; not to watch TV or play computer games; Activities; no grade below A in any subject; must be first in class in every subject except PE and Drama; only allowed to learn to play piano and violin. In the end, both daughters were born to become "mathematical elites" and "music geniuses" who conformed to the Chinese concept of success. The two were admitted to Ivy League schools and will continue to continue their elite roles as lawyer mothers in the future.
Although the film does not depict much of her mother's educational requirements for Xiaowei, we can also get a glimpse of Xiaowei's cautious attitude towards her mother and her undivided personality when teaching her grandfather. It is conceivable that Xiaowei finally embarked on the path of becoming a doctor, and she also endured countless hardships, pressures and the burden of the ardent expectations of her family. This made her even more afraid to face her relationship with her girlfriend. As an elite character, how could her mother and grandfather tolerate her such outrageous love.
In the film, the Vivian family's educational description of her superiors is even more explicit. Vivian's father is the dean of the medical school. Since his daughter was six years old, she has cultivated her dance talent. In his opinion, ballet is the dance that belongs to an artist, even if her daughter does not like it in her heart. However, after receiving the invitation from the Paris Ballet, the father did not hesitate to destroy his daughter's love and let her go to France in order to become a professionally recognized top ballet dancer. At the end of the film, Vivian still danced modern dance according to her own mind, and her father was relieved. There is still some fairy tale color in this.
It is a pity that more immigrant children are probably disgusted but have to accept this kind of education.
For example, the lawyer male protagonist Frank (the second generation of immigrants) in the novel "This Shore" once laughed at himself: "The three major customs of our ABC are piano from elementary school, Ivy League when I grow up, and a doctor or lawyer after graduation. I have it all."
Another example is the daughter of the heroine Lin Wan (the second generation of immigrants) in the novel "Crazy Flow" who also mocked her mother when she proposed to transfer to a private high school in order to seek better teaching quality: "Your Chinese parents are so utilitarian. Do you have to go to an Ivy League school?"
Diligence and struggle are traditional Chinese virtues, but this kind of mentality of being a master and eager for quick success also reflects the lack of self-confidence and insecurity of some parents themselves. , can only rely on the success of children to satisfy their own vanity?
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Living under the repression of parental authority is probably the norm for most Chinese children. Even if the environment is moved from China to the United States, this Chinese characteristic will not fail. What parents want is always that their children are safe and sound, and live their lives according to the established traditional route, instead of chasing happiness.
Xiaowei's mother in the film immigrated with her parents when she was a teenager, married early under the arrangement of her parents, and spent her life with a man she didn't love. After her husband died, she could only live with her parents. Even though her daughter was 28 years old, she still lived under the shadow and control of a strong father. Finally found true love, and the crystallization of love, but her father thought she was ashamed and just wanted to marry her as soon as possible. It happened that a middle-aged man who had a crush on her for many years and was honest and friendly, and promised to treat the baby as his own, was the best candidate for a son-in-law. As for whether his daughter loves him or not, it is not a big deal for his father. As long as he gets married as soon as possible and quells the criticism of the gossip people in Chinatown, everything is worth it.
The mother was the victim of this repression, and she just transferred this repression to Xiao Wei, and she could only turn to her daughter to relieve the repression from her father. After she became pregnant, she moved to her daughter's house, decorated her daughter's single apartment according to her own wishes, made her favorite stinky tofu, called her every night to urge her to go home, and even went to the subway station to pick her up, fearing that she would be abducted by a little girl. Ran. When someone asked Xiaowei why she couldn't let her mother live alone, Xiaowei replied that not taking care of her mother was absolutely unfilial in Chinese culture, and she could only allow her mother to erode and control her life.
Growing up in such a living environment, Xiaowei's pursuit of herself is very limited. She didn't dare to violate the authority of her elders, even if she didn't like blind dates, she would show up every week to appease her mother; even if she didn't want Vivian to go to Paris, she gave up this relationship after being pulled by the hospital director (Vivian's father) to talk; The airport kept him, and he didn't dare to make any intimate gestures in public. She can only smoke on the rooftop, tell her inner anger to her black neighbors, and continue to be her good daughter when she returns home.
My English teacher once told a bitter story. When he was in middle school, he fell in love with learning English because he was fascinated by an English speech contest program. He is not as personable as the contestants on TV at all. Instead of wasting time on English, it is better to do a good job of questioning tactics and get into a good university. As a boy with low self-esteem, the teacher was suppressed by his parents for learning English, and he was depressed. In the end, the questioning tactics did not help him get into a good university.
After college, when others skipped classes to fall in love, he continued to learn English, and a few years after graduating, he finally became one of the best teachers in the field of English teaching and research. But even now he is a small achievement, the dark days when he was suppressed by his biological parents and did not understand is still a scar on his heart. In the future, it will take several times of time to stumble and rebuild a healthy mentality in order to regain confidence and calmness. and mature.
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Chinese parents are too anxious. As long as the economic conditions allow, their children cannot lose at the starting line-learning talents when they are young, going to prestigious schools when they grow up, comparing their incomes, their marriage partners, their lifestyles, and the birth of the next generation. to continue to compare. This is created by the atmosphere of comparison and vanity in the whole environment of society. It is very difficult for parents to truly face their children equally and peacefully, completely abandoning their own vanity and desire for control.
However, I also see many young parents committed to spreading the science of parenting and growing up with their children. This is a good change. I hope that in the relay from generation to generation, our educational thinking in China will become more rational and more perfect.
Just like the fairy tale ending at the end of the film, everyone can live their true self, not the self that others expect.
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