I think the answer may be: I'm about to become an adult. Before I entered junior high school, my life was as clear and clean as boiled water. Coming home from a road I've never traveled, fantasizing about encountering a fire-breathing dragon on the way. Riding a bicycle under the scorching sun, facing the puzzled eyes of adults, frantically traversing the streets, just for the feeling of the wind blowing through the eardrums. At night, sitting under the cement steps of the small shop, discussing the characters in movies, serials, or animations with friends, exchanging feelings with each other.
After junior high school, I began to become like an adult, concerned with numbers: my grades, my rank in the school. People around are also concerned about the numbers, even when the girls are discussing the same series: how many episodes have you watched? Not to mention the game the boys discuss: what's your level? When the junior high school was about to graduate, everyone began to formulate a ranking for the high school. Those who entered the first echelon could be admitted to the first-class universities, and after graduating from the first-class universities, they could find the best jobs. There will be a perfect family and so on.
In this way, with the step-by-step journey of further education, I also stepped into the world woven by the rules and regulations of adults, because I pay attention to the numbers that do not belong to me (my miserable grades, and that 211, 985 high school), I started to become unhappy. I started to become cynical because I knew in my heart that what adults were saying wasn't quite right, and because I wanted to keep some of my childhood qualities more and more, I started to be different and wonder if I was mentally ill.
I don't know when I lost the ability to express my feelings. In the past, when I wanted to recommend a movie to a friend, after saying the name of the movie, I would say a lot about my feelings about the movie: That actor is great, he played It's what I was like at that time. And now, I can only say: take a look, you will know after reading it. Terrible isn't it? Even writing such a film review, I have been on and off for a long time. In a society where students only pursue GPA, people are blindly pursuing high-paying jobs, the market pursues profit maximization, and the media keeps bragging about successful studies, I think my loss of the ability to express emotions is understandable. After all, in a society that only pursues numbers and is absolutely rational, promoting emotional intelligence is no doubt as ridiculous as having Santa Claus at Christmas, because promoting emotional intelligence is also a skill that salespeople have to have in order to improve performance. one.
Since I lost the ability to express my emotions, I seem to have fallen into a quagmire of constantly searching for the meaning of life. As for the whole world, I am so small, as if I can only move forward with peace of mind if I find a goal. However, the experience of the protagonist in the movie tells us in a joking way: life is like that, whether it is good or bad, the key is to live. As for me, maybe what I have lost is not the ability to express my emotions, but I have forgotten that the world is not as bad as I imagined.
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